It's Finally Somewhat Over

[breezymom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I just wanted to let you guys know that I want to say thank you for helping me get my anxiety together over my situation. I haven't received the decision on paper, but my lawyer phoned this evening and told me: full legal custody, mandated psych eval and presentation of results to the court for him and the use of OFW. I'm not sure what else is in the decision until I read it, as apparently it's 19 pages long. Good. I hope that means it is VERY specific so there aren't as many teeny loopholes.

Now comes the scary part of how he will react. I'm hoping he doesn't get it til this storm passes and kiddo is home.

On a side note, I hope everyone is keeping safe during this nasty storm.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I just wanted to let you guys know that I want to say thank you for helping me get my anxiety together over my situation. I haven't received the decision on paper, but my lawyer phoned this evening and told me: full legal custody, mandated psych eval and presentation of results to the court for him and the use of OFW. I'm not sure what else is in the decision until I read it, as apparently it's 19 pages long. Good. I hope that means it is VERY specific so there aren't as many teeny loopholes.

Now comes the scary part of how he will react. I'm hoping he doesn't get it til this storm passes and kiddo is home.

On a side note, I hope everyone is keeping safe during this nasty storm.

I hope that its specific as well...you really NEED that.

 

[gr8rn]

I'm so happy to hear this Breezymom! Please come back and update us on everything when you get the order.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm so happy to hear this Breezymom! Please come back and update us on everything when you get the order.

Ditto please!

And the good thoughts!

 

[breezymom]

Since it's so long, I will post the paragraph that rather sums it up pretty well:

"While the father's trial testimony can best be described as disjointed, rambling, and difficult to follow, it appears, from a review of it in its entirety, the father was not intentionally misleading Instead, he appeared to confuse even himself as a result of his hyper-vigilance and single-mindedness with respect to protecting his children against perceived threats to their health and safety. The father's tendency, though, to attribute malevolence to others makes communication unworkable. The old adage that '[m]ore flies are taken with a Drop of Honey than a Tun of Vinegar' seems particularly apropos. At the end of the day, the father's 'behavior ha escalated problems with respect to parenting issues to the point that joint custody should not continue' (case law reference). [the father's 'marked inability to entertain a viewpoint other than his own' and 'the antagonistic atmosphere existing between [the parties] percludes an award [or continuation] of joint custody']."

 

[breezymom]

My thoughts are that I hope that any information received by the court will be helpful in understanding what is going on with Dad so that we can at least deal with issues so that kiddo comes first. If it's something that can be managed with treatment, maybe we can work through things, again, so kiddo comes first. Whatever way it goes, I just don't want parts of herself taken from her. She's already a smart girl, miles ahead of her peers, with a great sense of humor and a great personality so, hopefully, this will minimize negative effects on her. I can't control what goes on there, though, obviously, so we will just stick to having her counselor until it is moot, if it gets to that point. I just want her to have an outside, neutral source with whom she feels safe to discuss how she is feeling.

Oh, as far as visitation goes, it stays the same.

 

[LdiJ]

My thoughts are that I hope that any information received by the court will be helpful in understanding what is going on with Dad so that we can at least deal with issues so that kiddo comes first. If it's something that can be managed with treatment, maybe we can work through things, again, so kiddo comes first. Whatever way it goes, I just don't want parts of herself taken from her. She's already a smart girl, miles ahead of her peers, with a great sense of humor and a great personality so, hopefully, this will minimize negative effects on her. I can't control what goes on there, though, obviously, so we will just stick to having her counselor until it is moot, if it gets to that point. I just want her to have an outside, neutral source with whom she feels safe to discuss how she is feeling.

Oh, as far as visitation goes, it stays the same.

You have a very healthy attitude about things and that is good. Its also really good that you do not have to deal with joint legal custody with him any longer. However, please be a bit cautious for a while. Sometimes people with his kind of behavior tend to escalate when courts take control away from them, or they simply disappear because they cannot stand not being in control.

 

[gr8rn]

Ditto what Ld said, for some reason I am unable to "like" anything or respond with quotes anymore.... at least I still have my smilies...

Seriously, Breezymom be very cautious.

 

[breezymom]

Or so I thought...

So, I get this email from OFW customer service asking if I had a different phone number for Dad because the one provided (the one he phoned me from less than a week ago) was answered as a wrong number. Our order states the following:





Based upon the foregoing, then, it is

ORDERED that the parties shall utilize the Our Family Wizard website to communicate, arrange visitation and share pertinent documents regarding the child. The parties are each directed to visit the website and establish a Parent Account. The father shall provide to the mother's attorney in writing his preferred e-mail address within eight (8) days of service of a copy of this order. The mother shall then establish an account and select the "I would like to pay for the other parent" option. The mother shall pay for each parent's subscription, and will renew same at her sole expense, unless the court modifies this order upon application of one of the parties. Once the website is setup, the parties shall thereafter conduct all communications regarding visitation, pick-ups and drop-offs of the child, information sharing..."





You get the picture. Now, I've had the order, myself, for a week--the copy I received through the mail. My lawyer phoned, today, saying nothing about the email, yet. I set up the account since I have NO idea when he got the order, and therefore have NO idea from what date the 8 days is from. I emailed customer service back and said that is the phone number he called me from less than a week ago as well as the one the court has.




To go along with this, and you know how important this is to the grand scheme of our case:




"...ORDERED that the father shall comply with the March 2009 {County}County Family Court order, specifically the provision directing the father to "schedule and aggrange for a clinical assessment within ten (10) days of the date of [the] order, and follow through with any recommendations of the assessing agency and sign releases so that the assessing agency may forward information regarding the assessment, recommendation, and compliance to the Court"





This is for BOTH custody cases. Ours and his other one.



So, my question is this:




These two things are IMPORTANT to our case and in shielding our child from the conflict, as well as to hopefully help to resolve some matters to a point. However, what happens from here? How do I even KNOW that he has followed through with anything? It probably isn't worth filing a contempt petition if he doesn't follow through with OFW in time, realistically-speaking. How will anyone even know if he complies with either of these orders?

 

[LdiJ]

So, I get this email from OFW customer service asking if I had a different phone number for Dad because the one provided (the one he phoned me from less than a week ago) was answered as a wrong number. Our order states the following:





Based upon the foregoing, then, it is

ORDERED that the parties shall utilize the Our Family Wizard website to communicate, arrange visitation and share pertinent documents regarding the child. The parties are each directed to visit the website and establish a Parent Account. The father shall provide to the mother's attorney in writing his preferred e-mail address within eight (8) days of service of a copy of this order. The mother shall then establish an account and select the "I would like to pay for the other parent" option. The mother shall pay for each parent's subscription, and will renew same at her sole expense, unless the court modifies this order upon application of one of the parties. Once the website is setup, the parties shall thereafter conduct all communications regarding visitation, pick-ups and drop-offs of the child, information sharing..."





You get the picture. Now, I've had the order, myself, for a week--the copy I received through the mail. My lawyer phoned, today, saying nothing about the email, yet. I set up the account since I have NO idea when he got the order, and therefore have NO idea from what date the 8 days is from. I emailed customer service back and said that is the phone number he called me from less than a week ago as well as the one the court has.




To go along with this, and you know how important this is to the grand scheme of our case:




"...ORDERED that the father shall comply with the March 2009 {County}County Family Court order, specifically the provision directing the father to "schedule and aggrange for a clinical assessment within ten (10) days of the date of [the] order, and follow through with any recommendations of the assessing agency and sign releases so that the assessing agency may forward information regarding the assessment, recommendation, and compliance to the Court"





This is for BOTH custody cases. Ours and his other one.



So, my question is this:




These two things are IMPORTANT to our case and in shielding our child from the conflict, as well as to hopefully help to resolve some matters to a point. However, what happens from here? How do I even KNOW that he has followed through with anything? It probably isn't worth filing a contempt petition if he doesn't follow through with OFW in time, realistically-speaking. How will anyone even know if he complies with either of these orders?

You will know yourself if he doesn't follow through with the OFW, because you won't get his preferred email to finish setting it up.

Its likely that your attorney would get informed once he follows through with the assessment, therefore your attorney will know if he never does.

 

[breezymom]

What??

Um...ok..so...

He dropped kiddo off.

He first starts talking about, I think, not getting the court order...he didn't get "it" and would be going "there" on Monday. I think I discerned that part of the conversation.

Next he says he will be requesting that he, his other child's mother, and I speak with the judge?

What???

Anyone able to make some sense out of this?

I am guessing this is in response to the letter that he apparently *did* receive from my lawyer stating we never got his email address for OFW.

 

[LdiJ]

Um...ok..so...

He dropped kiddo off.

He first starts talking about, I think, not getting the court order...he didn't get "it" and would be going "there" on Monday. I think I discerned that part of the conversation.

Next he says he will be requesting that he, his other child's mother, and I speak with the judge?

What???

Anyone able to make some sense out of this?

I am guessing this is in response to the letter that he apparently *did* receive from my lawyer stating we never got his email address for OFW.

I have a feeling that he doesn't want to do what he has been ordered to do, and somehow thinks that you and the other mother will help him talk the judge out of it.

 

[breezymom]

That was kind of what I was gathering but...that seems even quite bold for him. Maybe the other woman will but sorry...things haven't changed so why and how would I do that (rhetorical question there)?

 

[LdiJ]

That was kind of what I was gathering but...that seems even quite bold for him. Maybe the other woman will but sorry...things haven't changed so why and how would I do that (rhetorical question there)?

I sincerely doubt that she would do it either. Also, you cannot just "talk" to a judge.

 

[gr8rn]

Your ex still thinks he can bully you and the courts into doing what he wants...