How do I get a court to order a paternity test on my potential dad as an adult?

[Proserpina]

I can see coming here was a mistake. Its now just turning into a troll session. You're obviously biased in some way. My guess is you're bitter from getting hammered with child support. So because you're getting owned by your kids mother no one should know who their father is.

*snort*

Okay this made me laugh.

Nope, not mad at my kids' mother (it doesn't make sense to be mad at yourself).

Nope, not paying child support.

Honey, you need some counseling.

And I'll reiterate: Leave this poor guy alone.

 

[Ladyback1]

I can see coming here was a mistake. Its now just turning into a troll session. You're obviously biased in some way. My guess is you're bitter from getting hammered with child support. So because you're getting owned by your kids mother no one should know who their father is.

You need some therapy/counseling.

You are 33 y/o for goodness sake. If you haven't dealt with your abandonment issues, your "daddy" issues, your anger with your mother, it's time to deal with them now! You, with your obsession with who's your daddy, are taking away from your life, your children's life and if you're married/involved it's taking away from your significant other.

Quit allowing the past to control your present and future.

Your feeling of "I have a right to know" does not supersede this man's right to not know.

And as far as you having the same interests: You admit that he was involved in your childhood, thus he would have been an influence in your thinking and your interests---regardless of paternity.

And looking alike? I came across a picture on google images that looked so much like my significant other that I had to show him and ask if he had a brother/son I didn't know about!

MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE....please!

 

[Proserpina]

You need some therapy/counseling.

You are 33 y/o for goodness sake. If you haven't dealt with your abandonment issues, your "daddy" issues, your anger with your mother, it's time to deal with them now! You, by your obsession with who's your daddy, is taking away from your life, your children's life and if you're married/involved it's taking away from your significant other.

Quit allowing the past to control your present and future.

Your feeling of "I have a right to know" does not supersede this man's right to not know.

And as far as you having the same interests: You admit that he was involved in your childhood, thus he would have been an influence in your thinking and your interests---regardless of paternity.

And looking alike? I came across a picture on google images that looked so much like my significant other that I had to show him and ask if he had a brother/son I didn't know about!

MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE....please!

Yeap, all of this.

But moreover, even if OP managed (which he won't) to compel Alleged Father to take a DNA paternity test - what will happen if he simply refuses? There is very, very little the court can do to enforce it.

Sure, Alleged Father could be adjudicated as Dad in his absence - but to what end? There would still be no DNA test. No medical history. Nothing. Except heartache for all involved.

And I'm just not big on recommending any path to heartache unless there's a darned good reason for doing so.

 

[longislandguy]

And I'm just not big on recommending any path to heartache unless there's a darned good reason for doing so.

That's the problem with this...Beyond the legal hurdles, whats the end game? If he sues this guy for a DNA test and finds out it IS his father, he's just lost any chance of having a relationship with him. If he finds out it isn't his father, he hurts everyone involved and is no closer to finding his real father, while also losing any chance of having a relationship with a man that has been a 'father figure' for him.

No good can come from this....Why not just accept that this guy has acted as a 'father figure' and accept that?

 

[single317dad]

Just buy a home DNA test, take the guy out for dinner, coffee, cigarette, milkshake, whatever. Swab something and mail it in.

Source: saw it on a cop show.

 

[LdiJ]

I can see coming here was a mistake. Its now just turning into a troll session. You're obviously biased in some way. My guess is you're bitter from getting hammered with child support. So because you're getting owned by your kids mother no one should know who their father is.

I am my child's mother and no, I am not getting hammered by child support. I have no bias at all in this circumstance, in fact, I sympathize totally with your desire to get answers. However, I don't believe that you are going to get those answers...and if for some reason I am wrong, I think that you will end up being more hurt than you are now by those answers.

If you or one of your children had a medical condition where it was critical that you knew your paternal parentage, then maybe you could succeed...however that is not the case.

 

[Zigner]

My wife has heard for years how much she and my daughter look alike. Funny, they didn't meet until my daughter was 5.

Your mom likes a certain "look". That's why she picked that guy. It's conceivable that she's picked other guys with the same "look" and that is why you can't base this on "looks"

Seriously, your "right" to know stops right at the point where it infringes on the other person's rights.

 

[CJane]

My son (7) and my sister's son (16) so strongly resemble each other that it's nearly impossible to tell their childhood photos apart, and when we're out in public together, people assume that E is the big brother to S. What's funniest is that while they so closely resemble each other - neither of them strongly resemble me OR my sister (whom I don't resemble at all either). They both look exactly like their completely unrelated fathers.

And seriously? "We both like chess and share political views". I must be related to half the interwebs.

 

[cbg]

I was recently at a party where all the guests were friends of my husband. Other than my husband, I had met only the host of the party before (not even the hostess). However, since my stepdaughter shares an interest in the activity that brought this group together, many of the guests had met her.

There was one gentleman there who spent most of the evening exclaiming how much my "daughter" looked like her mother, meaning me. It is actually quite true that she looks like her mother; however, that mother is not me. Rather than embarrass him, I simply smiled, thanked him, and agreed that we were very proud of her (which we are) and didn't mention that I am her stepmother and she was in high school when I met her father; college when I married him.

Please don't think that we don't understand why you would want to know who your father is. We do get that, really. It's quite understandable. But our understanding does not affect the law. There is not, under the circumstances you have described, a legal *need* for you to know. There is not a law you can invoke that will force a court to compel this man to take a DNA test - there is not a law you can invoke that will get you into court at all. Your desire to know, understandable as it may be, is not a sufficient legal reason to force an invasion of his privacy. Which is what a forced DNA test legally comes to.

 

[CJane]

Your desire to know, understandable as it may be, is not a sufficient legal reason to force an invasion of his privacy. Which is what a forced DNA test legally comes to.

Nor is it sufficient to invade the privacy of this man's extended family. Your children are not going to "get to know" the "other half" of their family. They're not going to be "hanging out with" untold numbers of long lost cousins. Just not.

My son will be in the opposite position as you. He knows who his father is, legally and genetically speaking. But he will never have a relationship with that man. He will grow up not knowing anything at all about an extended "other half" of his genetic family. But ya know? It doesn't seem to bother him (or my older nephew who's in the same boat) all that much. They're happy with the family they have and the extended and honorary family who has chosen them regardless of genetics.

Perhaps you could learn a lesson from those children?

 

[stealth2]

Your Mom could be lying.

Was just gonna post - maybe Mommie Dearest is lying. How many other men did she sleep with at the same approximate time? Yeah - really.

 

[stealth2]

"alleged guy" as if I have absolutely no reason t suspect this guy could possibly be my father. Like I just pulled some random dude out of thin air.
both have admitted the timeline (summer before I was born) - 9 months prior to april, you do the math
he has the same body type
same eye color
same hair color
i have an early receding hairline as he did when I was a kid
both have glasses
we think alike, he taught me chess, we have similar politics(last i spoke with him) both into scifi, computers other things
both have big flipping heads
similar facial features

Yeah I'm just making crass accusations with no reason at all. I'm just a jerk. wasting some random poor innocent guys time. Unbelievable!

Stop your tantrum, little one. Frankly, the way you act? *I* wouldn't want to be your parent, either.

 

[stealth2]

And BTW.... you give away your motive by posting in the CHILD SUPPORT forum!

 

[Mass_Shyster]

And now for the CORRECT information pertaining to Mas. New York case law has absolutely no relevance whatsoever.

http://masscases.com/cases/sjc/420/420mass735.html

The quoted case indicates no reason why the plaintiff wanted to determine paternity. If you read through http://masscases.com/cases/app/37/37massappct545.html it at least alludes to why the plaintiff wished to establish paternity, which seems closer to OP's position.

This plaintiff was also denied.

 

[longislandguy]

My son will be in the opposite position as you. He knows who his father is, legally and genetically speaking. But he will never have a relationship with that man. He will grow up not knowing anything at all about an extended "other half" of his genetic family. But ya know? It doesn't seem to bother him (or my older nephew who's in the same boat) all that much. They're happy with the family they have and the extended and honorary family who has chosen them regardless of genetics.

Perhaps you could learn a lesson from those children?

That's sad, it's always sad when a parent passes away before a child can get to know them....They are half of who they are, it's like losing/never knowing who you really are.

You are a strong mother if you have been able to guide your son through that pain! I've read that the most important thing to do is keep picture of his father around, maybe put one up above his bed, it gives the child a sense of 'being' with the father even though his father can't be there