Need Advice On Visitation Change (Long Story) Please Help!

What is the name of your state? Nevada

My exwife and I have been divorced for a little over a year. When we first divorced neither one of our little girls were in school. Since both my exwife and I work at the same place (me the graveyard shift and her days.) we decided that it would be best for this visitation schedule:

I get them Mondays at 5:30 am until Thursdays at 5 pm.

She would get them the alternate days. We put down in the divorce decree that the receiving parent should do the picking up. Even though we did that we agreed to do different and she just brought them to me at our work parking lot and as I got off work and she started work we just transferred the girls.

Well, since then, things have gone down hill and we started to not get along. (NOTE: She now has a live in boyfriend and I have a live in girlfriend - both of the new boy/girlfriend dont get involved with the exception helping pick the kids up.) ANYWAY, my exwife started saying that I could no longer get the girls from her in the work parking lot. I had to show up at her residence at 5:30 am and get the girls. I couldnt do that because I work until 6 am. (my hours are different from when the decree was done) Ok so my girlfriend has been nice and gotten up and picked them up at 5:30 am at her house. Problems solved right? NO!

I wish I had thought the times out throughly because since our oldest has started school it has been so rough on her. Imagine being 7 years old and getting up at 5 am with mommy to be ready for pick up at 5:30 am then starting school by 8:30 am and going until 3pm. Its been tough. I have tried to talk to my ex about getting the girls sunday night 15 minutes before their bedtime but she wont listen. She keeps saying "I'll think about it" then never listens. Sometimes I just keep my daughter home from school because she is so exhausted. I have decided to put it in a letter requesting sunday night pick ups. Maybe then she might realize that if she doesnt get reasonable a judge might get mad.

What I'm worried about is that if we end up going to court about this, will a judge take Mondays from me and make me pick them up after school??? Her boyfriend or his mom would end up taking them to school and I find that silly when I can do it. I take them to school, sleep for a few hours and then pick them up. I love being the one to do it. I am afraid a judge will take that from me if I force the issue. What do I do? What do I say? How do I approach my ex or the judge if I have to without them taking my time from me. I dont want my ex to lose time either but I she doesnt really see the girls monday morning except for 30 minutes. She gets them up and is gone before my girlfriend even gets there. (the boyfriend is there) All I am asking for is to get the girls on sundays at 7:45 pm. Ill bring them to my house and we will put them to bed by 8 pm. Is that unreasonable???

Thanks for the help in advance. Sorry so long!

And what will you do the next time times change ??

I would have the Order Modified as to where you both can " Live" with it.

Go for a modifaction that makes sense- like Sunday exchanges. One week here, one there.

If you are on the graveyard shift and she is on days, then where are the children while you are working monday through wednesday nights? Keep in mind that if you go for a custody modification she may do the same.

Well, as they each have live in significant others, perhaps each has their SO watch the kids while the other works? Especially if all they are doing is sleeping and getting off to school. That is why full weeks at each makes sense- each gets them on their days off AND their work days. Just like intact families. With less chasing back and forth.

Listen, regardless of when you work and the other particulars of your situation, Nevada Revised Statutes CHAPTER 125 And Chapter 125 (C) regulate the proceedings of custody and visitation.

I would suggest you familiarize yourself with these statutes before doing anything. Then, if you feel the 'best interest of the child' would be served by filing for an amendment to the custody/visitation orders, do it.

Nevada is particular in specifing that language of a custody/visitation order ... "5. Any order awarding a party a limited right of custody to a child must define that right with sufficient particularity to ensure that the rights of the parties can be properly enforced and that the best interest of the child is achieved." (NRS 125.510)

The ultimate decision is yours.

http://www.leg.state.nv.us/nrs/nrs-125.html

Copy of Letter I am going to send!

Look, Im not trying to take anything away from her. We have joint physical custody right now. I would like that to stay that way. I just hate seeing the girls so exhausted on Mondays. I have writen a letter stating this: (I have X'd out names for safety.

I am writing in regards to our current visitation schedule. As you know, currently I have the children starting Monday mornings at 5:30 am until Thursdays at 5:00 pm. I wanted to discuss with you, changing that current agreement.
Mondays, when XX picks the girls up from XX at 5:30 am, they are very tired. By the time XX starts school at 8:30 am she has been up 3½ hours and still has a full day of school until 3pm. This past Monday, XX asked us if she could go back to bed and was crying. She was exhausted.
I have tried on numerous occasions to verbally discuss this specific issue with you and your response on all occasions was “I’ll think about it” and on one instance when I asked you if I could pick the girls up Sunday night you actually told me “per the paperwork, you’ll be here at 5:30 am or you forfeit visitation for the week.” XX, I really want to work this out and settle this issue.
I would like to propose the following suggestions:
• XX or I could pick the girls up Sunday nights. In order for you to lose no time with the children, one of us could pick the girls up 15 minutes before their bedtime. (Approx 7:45 pm).
• We could switch days. Either XX or you could pick the kids up on Fridays at 5pm and either XX or I can pick them up from you Monday nights at 6:00 pm.
If you can come up with any alternate suggestions, I would be open to discuss them. Please send me a letter back at my home address with your feelings or suggestions on the subject.

Now I dont see this as being difficult do you? I have tried so hard on numerous occasions to talk to her about this. Yes, my girlfriend is here when I am at work BUT there is no reason why I cant have my household normal during my visitation. AND I work 12 hour shift so I only work 3 days one week and 4 the next. But that doesnt matter because it isnt hurting the kids. They have a normal routine at my home and get there sleep.

Besides, during this whole time its been this way and she has never tried to discuss this me. I dont complain when the girls are with her boyfriend or when he picks them up. I'm worried about the girls on Mondays. I dont even care if we wait to change this until next school year starts. Its those girls that are what is important. Also, I do not want to drastically change the visitation. I feel that the only problem is Monday mornings and I dont see why we would have to make a compete change of everything when it isnt necessary. What is everyone elses opinions?

[B said:

Now I dont see this as being difficult do you? I have tried so hard on numerous occasions to talk to her about this. Yes, my girlfriend is here when I am at work BUT there is no reason why I cant have my household normal during my visitation. Besides, during this whole time its been this way and she has never tried to discuss this me. I dont complain when the girls are with her boyfriend or when he picks them up. I'm worried about the girls on Mondays. I dont even care if we wait to change this until next school year starts. Its those girls that are what is important. Also, I do not want to drastically change the visitation. I feel that the only problem is Monday mornings and I dont see why we would have to make a compete change of everything when it isnt necessary. What is everyone elses opinions?[/B]

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You know, another alternative is for you to get them after school on Monday instead of Monday morning. That only changes parenting time for you by 3 hours a week. I know that you like to have those 3 hours....however if she won't give up Sunday nights, then you giving up Monday mornings is a reasonable alternative.

First, it would be alot more than three hours if I changed from 5:30am until after school but regardless these were the suggestions I placed in my letter.

Please read again:

I would like to propose the following suggestions:
• XX or I could pick the girls up Sunday nights. In order for you to lose no time with the children, one of us could pick the girls up 15 minutes before their bedtime. (Approx 7:45 pm).
• We could switch days. Either XX or you could pick the kids up on Fridays at 5pm and either XX or I can pick them up from you Monday nights at 6:00 pm

Besides, I'm not sure if Mondays after school would be good because I am the only one who can take them to school anyway. Everyone else works days. That is the reason for this schedule. I am just trying to throw out suggestions and try and work this out. Im also willing to take her suggestions too.

Hate to be a pain but could those of you who havent read my letter to the ex please give advice if I sound fair. it would be great help!

Again, I have XX out names to just keep names off the internet. let me know if it confuses you!

I am writing in regards to our current visitation schedule. As you know, currently I have the children starting Monday mornings at 5:30 am until Thursdays at 5:00 pm. I wanted to discuss with you, changing that current agreement.
Mondays, when XX picks the girls up from XX at 5:30 am, they are very tired. By the time XX starts school at 8:30 am she has been up 3½ hours and still has a full day of school until 3pm. This past Monday, XX asked us if she could go back to bed and was crying. She was exhausted.
I have tried on numerous occasions to verbally discuss this specific issue with you and your response on all occasions was “I’ll think about it” and on one instance when I asked you if I could pick the girls up Sunday night you actually told me “per the paperwork, you’ll be here at 5:30 am or you forfeit visitation for the week.” XX, I really want to work this out and settle this issue.
I would like to propose the following suggestions:
• XX or I could pick the girls up Sunday nights. In order for you to lose no time with the children, one of us could pick the girls up 15 minutes before their bedtime. (Approx 7:45 pm).
• We could switch days. Either XX or you could pick the kids up on Fridays at 5pm and either XX or I can pick them up from you Monday nights at 6:00 pm.
If you can come up with any alternate suggestions, I would be open to discuss them. Please send me a letter back at my home address with your feelings or suggestions on the subject.

What do those of you that havent read my letter think? (I am planning on sending it today!)

Why doesn't a straight every other week work? One (or SO) takes the kids to school Monday morning, the other (or SO) picks up after school on Monday for the week. Next week you switch. Isn't that the most straightforward?

She has to be at work at 6am every morning. I get off at 6am. I am the only one who can take the kids to school in the mornings. Why pay daycare or have her boyfriend do this if the father can do this, right?

Do you want to go to court? What you're basically saying is that you want it your way. Why is it okay for YOUR GIRLFRIEND to pick the kids up, but NOT OKAY for her boyfriend to take them to school? What you're saying makes no sense wrt the kids. You each want the same amount of time. DO an even 50/50 split with an every other week arrangement and then you each get to choose how you handle things on your time.

No Im not saying I want it my way, everybody gave me suggestions and Im telling why I dont think it will work. Dont you think that if she could/would have someone take them to school for her she would have originally done so. AND having a boy/girlfriend help with picking kids up from the other party is way different than having someone else actually participate in schooling. Im just asking, without changing our agreement drastically because the girls are in a routine with me now, is it unreasonable for me to ask for sunday nights since mondays at 5:30am are so hard on the girls. How is that wanting it my way?

AmIUnreasonable said:

No Im not saying I want it my way, everybody gave me suggestions and Im telling why I dont think it will work. Dont you think that if she could/would have someone take them to school for her she would have originally done so. AND having a boy/girlfriend help with picking kids up from the other party is way different than having someone else actually participate in schooling. Im just asking, without changing our agreement drastically because the girls are in a routine with me now, is it unreasonable for me to ask for sunday nights since mondays at 5:30am are so hard on the girls. How is that wanting it my way?

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You come across as "wanting it your way" because you can't see any benefit or workability in any idea other than yours. If you really were just worried about your child, and nothing else, you could just give up Monday mornings, without changing anything else and that would solve the problem. After all, your ex gets the child to school on Friday mornings without a problem, so Monday morning shouldn't be any different.