Need Advice On Visitation Change (Long Story) Please Help!

[stealth2]

AND having a boy/girlfriend help with picking kids up from the other party is way different than having someone else actually participate in schooling.

But it's in no way different from having someone else drop the child(ren) off at school. That's NOT participating in schooling.

 

[AmIUnreasonable]

First of all she can do fridays because fridays she is off. I have in the past asked her to change the agreement about mondays and I have gotten messages (that i have saved from my recorder) saying "per the paperwork its 5:30 am or you forfeit your visits for the week). I have tried not to put alot of slander in here about my ex BUT I am writing a letter to try and discuss options (which I asked her for hers also) so I can protect myself. I have tried, I told her that we should sit down and discuss revising this and she has either said no or i'll think about it and never gets back to me. What else can I do????

 

[AmIUnreasonable]

Ok let me try and explain myself better. Their mother wont sit down and discuss this with me. She using it as a weopon to hurt me when in reality it is the kids. do you think it is ok that when your childrens father wants to discuss with you about a visitation change, especially when it comes to how tired they are in the mornings, she says "per the paperwork." I do not believe it would be wise to just not show up at 5:30 am and wait until after school. I was told if i didnt show up I would give up my time. I was told "it is your responsibility to get her to school" These are all messages left on my answering machine. That is not co-parenting.

 

[LdiJ]

First of all she can do fridays because fridays she is off. I have in the past asked her to change the agreement about mondays and I have gotten messages (that i have saved from my recorder) saying "per the paperwork its 5:30 am or you forfeit your visits for the week). I have tried not to put alot of slander in here about my ex BUT I am writing a letter to try and discuss options (which I asked her for hers also) so I can protect myself. I have tried, I told her that we should sit down and discuss revising this and she has either said no or i'll think about it and never gets back to me. What else can I do????

There is no requirement that she cooperate with you about changing the schedule if she doesn't want to cooperate. You can try taking it to court, however since the child is getting a full night's sleep (by going to bed at 8 PM) AND the child could go back to sleep at your house until its time to go to school, I am not sure that you would get anywhere with it. You may just have to accept that the schedule isn't going to change, and encourage your child to go back to sleep when she gets to your house.

 

[stealth2]

Then take it to court. You may get it the way you want, and you may not.

 

[AmIUnreasonable]

Maybe it is a full nights sleep and yes we do have them try and lay down until it is time to leave for school BUT obviously, it isnt working for them. This isnt something I make up, I see how tired they are. Mom gets them up when she gets up. So even though we get them at 5:30 am they are already up by 5am at the least. Also, you are correct, she doesnt have to cooperate with me on changing the schedule. Very true. But as parents to these kids, wouldnt it be nice for us to at least be able to discuss this??

 

[AmIUnreasonable]

stealth2, believe me I dont want this in court. i would prefer to just be parents and talk about this.

 

[LdiJ]

Maybe it is a full nights sleep and yes we do have them try and lay down until it is time to leave for school BUT obviously, it isnt working for them. This isnt something I make up, I see how tired they are. Mom gets them up when she gets up. So even though we get them at 5:30 am they are already up by 5am at the least. Also, you are correct, she doesnt have to cooperate with me on changing the schedule. Very true. But as parents to these kids, wouldnt it be nice for us to at least be able to discuss this??

Yes, of course it would be nice if you could discuss it. However, the kids are getting 9 hours of sleep if they get up at 5:00 AM, and the mother honestly may see this as you being unreasonable or controlling, particularly since its just one day a week. There is also a possibility she she views it as something that has already been discussed, and she has already given you her answer.

 

[jkathaz]

Did you ever think that if you went along with a suggestion of hers, that she may return the favor?? When was the last time you did it her way?

Sorta like compromising....

I know its a long shot!

 

[AmIUnreasonable]

Update

well, i have went with her suggestion. Sent her a letter giving her suggestions. She sent one back giving her suggestions. I went with her suggestion and sent her a letter back saying that would be GREAT and wanted to find out when we could start this change. Now she doesnt reply at all. Now what.......How can we work as parents if she refuses to respond? Last night I had the girls from 2-10pm for july 4th. She picked the girls up at 10pm and i had to turn around and get them at 5:30 am. (have been told in the past that if i dont stick to the 5:30am agreement i will have given up my visitation for the week.) How do i deal with someone like this???????

 

[adonahee]

I agree with Stealth

Speaking from experience, it's much easier on the kids to not split the school week up btw the two households. There's many reasons for that, but includes the kids, the teachers, etc. My ex and I used to do Sun-Sun, but after awhile we figured out that it's more FUN to pick up the kids Fri, spend the whole weeknd doing things, THEN start the school week, and drop off Fri. It's definitely an adjustment to not see your child for a whole week, and probably more than you think you can stand in the beginning, but everybody adjusts - and in the end, it's more to the child's benefit not to be shuffled off every 3 or 4 days. They won't feel like they have a "home" constantly switching. But of course, that's just an opinion......

 

[AmIUnreasonable]

And i am sure that is easier BUT she doesnt respond when it comes to my letters. I sent her one in may and gave her suggestions. she sent one back with other suggestions. to make matters easier i wrote her back going with her suggestion. she never responded so i had to write again a month later. what do i do when someone is just trying to be difficult??? (read from the very beginning of this thread. that might help)

 

[AmIUnreasonable]

So what do I do???? How do I get the other parent to work with me on issues regarding the children???

 

[adonahee]

You can't "make" her agree...

It's unfortunate that she's so difficult to work with, but she is, so you have no choice. You have to take it to court, suggest the split you feel is fair, explain why the standard visitation choices don't fit your scenario, and let them take it from there. It may go your way, it may not.

 

[AmIUnreasonable]

I do know that but the last time we went to court (I was trying to get phone visitation for when my girls went with mom on the weekends) the judge said NO to any phone visits because she said that was too controling. (??? does that make any sense?) Then she told both of us to work together and make decisions or she was going to make an order that neither of us would like!!!! We had never even been back to court before since our divorce. Its not like we were abusing the system or anything. That is why I have sent all my request in writing by certified mail to prove that i am trying. I am going on my fourth letter. Even agreeing to go with her suggestion!!!! I am scared now to go to court.