What can be done??

My state is Illinois. I have been divorced for almost 2 years (feb'06).
My ex-husband has residential custody of my 3 minor children. We have joint custody. Recently, my daughter (she is the youngest) informed me that
her father has been sleeping in his bed naked. She can't seem to sleep by herself at night when she is with him, but has no problems with sleeping alone with me. This, of course, made me highly upset. I am at the point of calling DCFS on this inappropriate behavior. Not only is this going on, by my boys tells me that he walks around in his underwear constantly.
The ages of the children are 10,8 & 6. On top of this, I have found out that he leaves the children unattended for hours at a time.

I have just found out most of this yesterday and I am trying very hard to act ractionally. I want want this behavior to stop. His answer when confronted was it's his house.

Since the 2year of the residential custody is coming up, can this give be grounds to file for residential custody? This is inappropriate sexual behavior as well as neglect.

To add a twist, in our divorce decree, we had the agreement that no boyfriend/girlfriend live in arrangments can be made with who ever has residential custody. Because of my financial situation (I had to file for bankruptcy) I live with a friend and his children. STRICTLY Friends.
If I go after residential custody, can this be held against me?

Any help would be appreciated. all eaten up!

Is dad sleeping with the daughter naked? If not, then that is not an issue. I sleep in my bday suit. I imagine a lot of parents do.

And yes, if you are not to be living with anyone, then that can be used against you in a custody dispute.

I agree. Is dad sleeping alone in his own bed naked? If so, so what? Half the world sleeps that way. AS long as he is not exposing himslf, he can sleep any way he wants.

Daughter needs to learn to knock and WAIT for dad to allow her to enter BEFORE walking in to Dad's room.

I think that mom is indicating that the little girl is climbing into dad's bed when dad is naked. I would also find that disturbing......and dad shouldn't be risking that.

On top of that, apparently dad is roaming around the home in a state of undress when awake. Again, not wise on dad's part.

If it was dad coming here asking about this I would personally advise him to sleep in boxers when he has the kids.....and pull on some sweatpants/pajama pants when awake....but hey....common sense doesn't always win out.

Ldij you are correct!!! He knows that she gets up in the middle of the night and crawls into bed with him UNDER COVERS, he isn't taking the precautions he needs to not put himself in this situation, in fact, he LAUGHS at this and
says this is his house and he can do what he wants..

I don't beleive this is the cause, shouldn't he be taking any risks knowing that
a 40 yr man should NOT be sleeping NAKED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES with a 6 year old little girl. This is INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR!

Trust me when I say I have addressed the walking around in his underwear in front of ANYONE other than a spouse is also inappropiate, he answer is always, this is his house.. Well what about it being the childrens house and how they feel. It is obvious my daughter has issues with this, since she brought it up??? What about her?

Thanks

Even though Dad has the right to sleep in whatever he chooses (or refuses to choose), if he even THINKS that there may be a small possibility one of the kids may climb into bed with him in the middle of the night (boy or girl), he needs to throw on a pair of shorts when he sleeps and not parade around in his tighty whiteys while the kids are there the kids.

Some people are more "hung up" on nudity and the human body. Obviously, mom's got a problem with this. I, personally, have no issues with nudity and doubt if dad has any sort of sexual motivation towards to children based on what mom has said. However dad needs to be concerned with the PERCEPTION of his actions to the outside world. This situation could easily get out of control and land dad in hot water.

ceara19 said:

Even though Dad has the right to sleep in whatever he chooses (or refuses to choose), if he even THINKS that there may be a small possibility one of the kids may climb into bed with him in the middle of the night (boy or girl), he needs to throw on a pair of shorts when he sleeps and not parade around in his tighty whiteys while the kids are there the kids.

Some people are more "hung up" on nudity and the human body. Obviously, mom's got a problem with this. I, personally, have no issues with nudity and doubt if dad has any sort of sexual motivation towards to children based on what mom has said. However dad needs to be concerned with the PERCEPTION of his actions to the outside world. This situation could easily get out of control and land dad in hot water.

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I do not think that is necessarily the perception to the outside world, but the perception to the 6 year old! If she climbs into bed with Daddy, and can tell he is naked then how is she going to know this is not acceptable if say someone else other than her daddy were to climb in bed naked with her?! With a six year old it would be hard for her to understand that it is okay for daddy to do, but not someone else! I think this comes down to not necessarily what is comfortable to the adult, but what is best for the child.

Although you cannot tell Dad what to do in his home, during his visitation. You can try sending him a letter, certified return receipt so that you have proof that you discussed this issue with him. Maybe if you present it to him in a manner that you are not trying to tell him what to do in his home, but help your child he may be more receptive.

Walking around in undies is no big deal to me...Many women, including me steal their significant others boxers. I've even gone outside to get the mail wearing them.
My 7 yr old boy (will be 8 on Monday - Happy Birthday, Baby!) still hasn't learned to give me privacy and knock when I'm in the tub or shower no matter how many times I tell him to.
I would however be upset about the naked sleeping if he is aware she climbs in and since kids don't always listen (like my son) when you request they knock. But, I've learned to close the curtain even when bathing. Your ex should learn too and not sleep nude until she learns better.
You also may have problems with your living situation. Friends or no
(I wear the boxer briefs too!) Their so comfy to sleep in!

Walking around in a pair of boxers is one thing, they imitate shorts, but we are talking about regular underwear, where you wouldn't wear them if you had company over.

Also, I see no one seems to be addressing the fact the kids are left alone for hours at a time, wouldn't this be a concern??? The oldest is only ten and is far
from being able or capable of watching 2 younger children. He is way to immature and irresponsible. I know calling DCFS can cause some issues, but I am more concerned about their WELL BEING. Am I over reacting or do I have JUST CAUSE????

This is where I need the advice. I know people have their preferences on this, but just because YOU maybe okay with it, what about the people around you?
If it didn't bother my daughter, then she would not have said anything, right?
If he wants to sleep nude or walk around the house in his underwear, well do it on the days the kids are not their to see it or be around it, then there is NO ISSUE!
:0

What it comes down to is - can you prove any of this?

Walking around your own home in tighty whities is really one's own business. Unless you're watching his every move, you have no way of knowing whether he walks in the door and drops every other stitch for the duration, or if he's going from bedroom to laundry to get a clean pair of pants. And it may be less that it bothers your daughter and more that it's simply different than how things are done in your home. And the bigger deal YOU make of it, the more of an issue it will be for her.

Sounds to me like dad won custody, or was given custody, and now mom wants the kids back... so she is looking for acceptable dirt in order to have custody changed?**************.....Just my thoughts from the post....If dad is doing this I would suggest bringing it to his attention that you find that it is inappropriate to be nude or in underwear around his children, and ask for the behavior to stop...If it doesn't stop you may be able to use it in court for a change of custody**************...Good Luck!

Again - can she prove it?

critterperson said:

Sounds to me like dad won custody, or was given custody, and now mom wants the kids back... so she is looking for acceptable dirt in order to have custody changed?**************.....Just my thoughts from the post....If dad is doing this I would suggest bringing it to his attention that you find that it is inappropriate to be nude or in underwear around his children, and ask for the behavior to stop...If it doesn't stop you may be able to use it in court for a change of custody**************...Good Luck!

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But, mom says in post they have joint custody

Mbarr77 said:

But, mom says in post they have joint custody

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Not quite - she says:

davisracing48 said:

My ex-husband has residential custody of my 3 minor children. We have joint custody.

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It's possible that she's talking about joint legal.

stealth2 said:

Not quite - she says:



It's possible that she's talking about joint legal.

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Okay, I see what you are saying! Sorry.