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acmb05

Senior Member
Well now

davisracing48 said:
You are correct!

I was never given any reason to question him about it still going on.
I trusted that I made such a big stink about it, that he understood
the inappropriate manner it was, that he would NOT do it again.
I have been out of the house for 2 years now.
Guess, I was wrong!

Then, the kids told me about him walking around in his underwear a few days ago.[/QUOTE

First of all if this first happened 8 years ago the oldest child was 2 at the time and walking around in his underwear is not a big deal for a 2 year old.

I still think you should not have just taken his word for it because he probably just told you whatever you wanted to hear to shut you up.
 


acmb05

Senior Member
Bottom line is

You need proof of all of the allegations and not just "the kids told me"

And as stealth said the court is not likely to put much weight into a relative testifying for you.
 

acmb05

Senior Member
One more thing

And the cousin will be asked this if you take it that far.

1. How long was your cousin at the house before dad showed back up and how long was he gone before she got there?

2. Where was parent at while kids were home alone?
 

AHA

Senior Member
davisracing48 said:
My six year daughter DOES NOT need to see a 40 year man NAKED under any circumstances.
He is not A MAN, he is her daddy and it is pretty normal for a child to occasionally see their parent naked, it does not mean anything sexual.

I'm sorry that you had to suffer sexual abuse by your dad or who ever it was, but that does not mean that your kid's dad is a child molester or any other man that are in your kid's life. Surely you made sure he wasn't before you married and procreated with him.

Your daughter is probably freaked out about seeing her dad naked this once because you have made her deadly afraid of seeing a naked man and installed in her that it's a very bad thing, so the kid might feel like she did something wrong bying accidentally seeing him. Normal nudity in the privacy of ones own family's home is not necessarily a sick thing.

Don't let your kids grow up suffering for crimes that was not subjected to them.
 
I do understand what your saying. If testimony is needed by family, friends or the kids the story is going to come out the same on the situations.
I would think they would treat the allegations just as they would like a sexual abuse case. That usually is started by a story being told by a child.

I know of one incident that from the time my cousin arrived to the time I got there was an hour and 10 minutes. Who knows how long before that, because he wouldn't answer me when confronted.

By the way, my cousin was a paid daycare provider for my children until they
went to school full time. Which she is also licensed. I would think her testimony, even being a relative, would have some sort of bearing right?
Because the ex continued to used her as the daycare provider even after we divorced. (she is a cousin on my side of the family).
Or maybe not?
 

acmb05

Senior Member
maybe

davisracing48 said:
I do understand what your saying. If testimony is needed by family, friends or the kids the story is going to come out the same on the situations.
I would think they would treat the allegations just as they would like a sexual abuse case. That usually is started by a story being told by a child.

I know of one incident that from the time my cousin arrived to the time I got there was an hour and 10 minutes. Who knows how long before that, because he wouldn't answer me when confronted.

By the way, my cousin was a paid daycare provider for my children until they
went to school full time. Which she is also licensed. I would think her testimony, even being a relative, would have some sort of bearing right?
Because the ex continued to used her as the daycare provider even after we divorced. (she is a cousin on my side of the family).
Or maybe not?
Yes but usually when a custody or visitation case is going on they will also look at one parent trying to get something over on the other parent and frankly at thier ages they would be fairly easy to manipulate, not that they have been but IF she saw daddy one time naked it may be quite easy to get a 6 year old to say he does it all the time.

He was gone quite a long.

For the last thing it's all up to the judge how much weight he puts into her testimony. That could go either way.
 
AHA said:
He is not A MAN, he is her daddy and it is pretty normal for a child to occasionally see their parent naked, it does not mean anything sexual.

I'm sorry that you had to suffer sexual abuse by your dad or who ever it was, but that does not mean that your kid's dad is a child molester or any other man that are in your kid's life. Surely you made sure he wasn't before you married and procreated with him.

Your daughter is probably freaked out about seeing her dad naked this once because you have made her deadly afraid of seeing a naked man and installed in her that it's a very bad thing, so the kid might feel like she did something wrong bying accidentally seeing him. Normal nudity in the privacy of ones own family's home is not necessarily a sick thing.

Don't let your kids grow up suffering for crimes that was not subjected to them.
AGAIN, here we go with the assumptions!

NOT ONE TIME IN MY POSTS DID I ACCUSE HIM OF SEXUAL ABUSE OF ANY SORT!

AGAIN, NO MAN (father, brother, uncle, grandfather, friend...) should be exposing themselves to a SIX YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL!

This happened MORE THAN ONCE! Did you ever stop to think that my daughter was truely upset about it on her own?

Just like kissing boys at that age, do we them it's ucky? nope, because then how do we explain to them that kissing their father, brother, uncle or grandfather or friends is ucky? They learn this from their peers!

See you are judging.... my daughter DOES NOT know about my abused past.
She is to young for me to go into detail about it.... however.....

I have told ALL THREE of my children that they are not allowed to have ANYONE, other than myself and their doctor (for the purpose of cleaning and infections), to touch them in their private areas. If that is what you proceed to be that I prepped her to be deathly afaid of men, your WRONG!

So if you think it's okay for your better half to prance around nude in front of your minor children, I would say that there are whole of people who would feel you both have "major issues" and it's a "sick thing". But hey, what ever....
 
acmb05 said:
Yes but usually when a custody or visitation case is going on they will also look at one parent trying to get something over on the other parent and frankly at thier ages they would be fairly easy to manipulate, not that they have been but IF she saw daddy one time naked it may be quite easy to get a 6 year old to say he does it all the time.

He was gone quite a long.

For the last thing it's all up to the judge how much weight he puts into her testimony. That could go either way.

Thank you for the input and for not judging and not assuming .
I appreciate the feedback..
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
I can't believe this thread has gone on this long, a guardian ad litem or a custody evaluator would be the most benefical person to handle this, but you would probably have to file for a modification in order to be able to request the involvement of either.
 
Zephyr said:
I can't believe this thread has gone on this long, a guardian ad litem or a custody evaluator would be the most benefical person to handle this, but you would probably have to file for a modification in order to be able to request the involvement of either.
not to sound nieve, but who is a guardian ad litem or a custody evaluator?
are they like a mediator of some sort through the courts?
 

acmb05

Senior Member
ok stop

davisracing48 said:
AGAIN, here we go with the assumptions!

NOT ONE TIME IN MY POSTS DID I ACCUSE HIM OF SEXUAL ABUSE OF ANY SORT!

AGAIN, NO MAN (father, brother, uncle, grandfather, friend...) should be exposing themselves to a SIX YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL!

This happened MORE THAN ONCE! Did you ever stop to think that my daughter was truely upset about it on her own?

Just like kissing boys at that age, do we them it's ucky? nope, because then how do we explain to them that kissing their father, brother, uncle or grandfather or friends is ucky? They learn this from their peers!

See you are judging.... my daughter DOES NOT know about my abused past.
She is to young for me to go into detail about it.... however.....

I have told ALL THREE of my children that they are not allowed to have ANYONE, other than myself and their doctor (for the purpose of cleaning and infections), to touch them in their private areas. If that is what you proceed to be that I prepped her to be deathly afaid of men, your WRONG!

So if you think it's okay for your better half to prance around nude in front of your minor children, I would say that there are whole of people who would feel you both have "major issues" and it's a "sick thing". But hey, what ever....
First don't tell your children this. Thier father may bathe the younger child and that is opening him up for an accusation that may not be warranted.

Second never did you say he prances around in fron of the children naked. You said he is oin his underwear and that is not naked. You said he sleeps naked which is entirely different than "prancing around the house naked"

I would approach the ex and ask if he would please put some kind of alarm on his bedroom door so that he wakes up if the child comes into the room and to keep a pair of shorts next to the bed that he can grab and put on under the covers is she does happen to come in.

Do not sound like you are telling him what to do, appraoch him being very nice and explain your concerns. Do this when the kids are not present and cannot hear the exchange. If you approach him in a non-confrantational way he may listen more.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
davisracing48 said:
not to sound nieve, but who is a guardian ad litem or a custody evaluator?
are they like a mediator of some sort through the courts?

a guardian ad litem is an attorney who represents the children, not either parent

a custody evaluator is just that, someone who comes in and evaluates

both give their recommendations to the judge
both are through the courts

both would talk to the children- possibly hearing about the questionable sleeping


however, you can't just go out and get either of these, I think you would have to be in the court process, or when you start the court process you request the assistance of either or both
 
acmb05 said:
First don't tell your children this. Thier father may bathe the younger child and that is opening him up for an accusation that may not be warranted.

Second never did you say he prances around in front of the children naked. You said he is oin his underwear and that is not naked. You said he sleeps naked which is entirely different than "prancing around the house naked"

I would approach the ex and ask if he would please put some kind of alarm on his bedroom door so that he wakes up if the child comes into the room and to keep a pair of shorts next to the bed that he can grab and put on under the covers is she does happen to come in.

Do not sound like you are telling him what to do, appraoch him being very nice and explain your concerns. Do this when the kids are not present and cannot hear the exchange. If you approach him in a non-confrantational way he may listen more.

Your right, not once did I say he prances around naked.. I hope the point was made that you threw stuff in your post that were not warranted...

This whole thread got way out of hand..

When I discussed the inappropriatiness of his behavior, now keep in mind we have a very civil relationship, he just laughed at me like it wasn't a big deal to him. His answer was "it's his house!" this thread started with a simple question
about getting DCFS involved and if custody should switch hands would my present living arrangement, be an issue.

I have tried to give him examples of things like:

Would would you where if you had company come and visit? Would you walk around around in the underwear in front of them? If you were a six year old
how would you feel seeing YOUR father naked under the covers (several times). Again, his answer "It's his house!"
 
Zephyr said:
a guardian ad litem is an attorney who represents the children, not either parent

a custody evaluator is just that, someone who comes in and evaluates

both give their recommendations to the judge
both are through the courts

both would talk to the children- possibly hearing about the questionable sleeping


however, you can't just go out and get either of these, I think you would have to be in the court process, or when you start the court process you request the assistance of either or both
Thanks, I didn't know that.
Thanks for the advice and the professionalism.
 

acmb05

Senior Member
ok

davisracing48 said:
Your right, not once did I say he prances around naked.. I hope the point was made that you threw stuff in your post that were not warranted...

This whole thread got way out of hand..

When I discussed the inappropriatiness of his behavior, now keep in mind we have a very civil relationship, he just laughed at me like it wasn't a big deal to him. His answer was "it's his house!" this thread started with a simple question
about getting DCFS involved and if custody should switch hands would my present living arrangement, be an issue.


I have tried to give him examples of things like:

Would would you where if you had company come and visit? Would you walk around around in the underwear in front of them? If you were a six year old
how would you feel seeing YOUR father naked under the covers (several times). Again, his answer "It's his house!"
Go back and read this thread, someone answered this question about DCS. They will look at what THEY think is best for the children. So they may very well say that dad can't do this and take the children out of the home at which time they may also look at your situation and say they can't stay with you either and place them in a foster home.

Getting DCS involved would be very risky on your part unless you think the children are in danger of being harmed physically, from what you have said you dont think this is likely to be the case so I would suggest NOT getting them involved.

Now if custody were to switch hands and the ex pressed the issue then yes your current living situation would be a problem and you would probably be forced to move.
 
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