What can be done??

[acmb05]

Well first of all

You and he both need to teach her that she is not to just walk into his room at nite without knocking and waiting till he answers to come in. She is 6 years old she is quite old enough to understand that she should not do that.

Second the ex can sleep anyway he wants as long as his door is shut and the kids cant see him. If the daughter comes into his room in the middle of the nite while he is sleeping how is he supposed to know she is there. I have gotten up on many mornings to find my son in bed between me and his mother and never knew he was there till I woke up.

If it bothers your daughter that much why does she keep going into his room when he is sleeping? Tell her to stop doing that.

Granted it would be a good idea to lock his door at nite or at the very least put some kind of bell or something on it that will wake him up.

Btw IF you were awarded physical custody and your divorce decree says you cant live with the opposite sex then you cant and if ex pushes it you would have to move.

 

[Mbarr77]

I thought this was an isolated incident... It happened when the oldest was 2 years old.

Then that was 8 years ago! You should have done something a whole lot sooner if you though something may still have been going on, and you were that concerned.

 

[davisracing48]

Then that was 8 years ago! You should have done something a whole lot sooner if you though something may still have been going on, and you were that concerned.

I did not know it was still going on until the kids told me recently..

He did this one time and it was addressed and as far as I knew, it never happened again. But, then a few days ago the kids told me different.
He never slept nude when we were married and an person with common sense would takes actions to prevent a little girl from seeing you naked.

 

[stealth2]

Can you prove it? Without bringing the kids into the middle and without expecting family members to testify? You really aren't getting the point, hon.

Maybe someone else will get through - time for me to get to work.

 

[acmb05]

he did

I did not know it was still going on until the kids told me recently..

He did this one time and it was addressed and as far as I knew, it never happened again. But, then a few days ago the kids told me different.
He never slept nude when we were married and an person with common sense would takes actions to prevent a little girl from seeing you naked.

1. Probably because he could tel just as we can than you are a prude and would have never allowed it.

2. He did do something, He shut his door.

 

[acmb05]

soooo

I did not know it was still going on until the kids told me recently..

He did this one time and it was addressed and as far as I knew, it never happened again. But, then a few days ago the kids told me different.
He never slept nude when we were married and an person with common sense would takes actions to prevent a little girl from seeing you naked.

He did this one time 8 years ago and in all this time you never asked your kids if they have been left alone again? You just took the ex's word that he would not do it anymore.

As stealth said and I will put in caps so you dont miss it: THE KIDS ARE PROBABLY TO YOUNG TO TESTIFY, A JUDGE MORE THAN LIKELY WILL NOT ACCEPT A RELATIVES TESTIMONY OR PUT MUCH WEIGHT IN IT ESPECIALLY ON SOMETHING THAT SUPPOSEDLY HAPPENED 8 YEARS AGO, YOU WILL NEED OUTSIDE WITNESSES TO ALL OF THIS, THAT MEANS NO FAMILY MEMBERS.

YOU NEED PROOF,PROOF,PROOF AND MORE PROOF. SO FAR YOU HAVE SHOWN NONE THAT WOULD BE ACCEPTED IN COURT.

 

[davisracing48]

1. Probably because he could tel just as we can than you are a prude and would have never allowed it.

2. He did do something, He shut his door.

Not once did I say he shuts his door, everyone else said that.

Yes, I am a prude, being a victim of sexual abuse as a child by a family member, things of that nature are UNACCEPTABLE in my book.
Sorry if this makes me a prude, but I have reason.

My six year daughter DOES NOT need to see a 40 year man NAKED
under any circumstances.

I wonder if she would have told a teacher about it first, if DCFS would then have been involved and I would wonder how it would then turn aout after the
"interviews"?

 

[davisracing48]

He did this one time 8 years ago and in all this time you never asked your kids if they have been left alone again? You just took the ex's word that he would not do it anymore.

As stealth said and I will put in caps so you dont miss it: THE KIDS ARE PROBABLY TO YOUNG TO TESTIFY, A JUDGE MORE THAN LIKELY WILL NOT ACCEPT A RELATIVES TESTIMONY OR PUT MUCH WEIGHT IN IT ESPECIALLY ON SOMETHING THAT SUPPOSEDLY HAPPENED 8 YEARS AGO, YOU WILL NEED OUTSIDE WITNESSES TO ALL OF THIS, THAT MEANS NO FAMILY MEMBERS.

YOU NEED PROOF,PROOF,PROOF AND MORE PROOF. SO FAR YOU HAVE SHOWN NONE THAT WOULD BE ACCEPTED IN COURT.

I didn't say being left along, I said the underwear issue in front of the babysitters. (they were sisters, sitting together)

These recent incidents of the being left alone and the nudity just happened last WEEK!!!!!!

 

[davisracing48]

It is funny on how many people get involved they make up their own stuff.

My daughter came to me a few days ago regarding the nudity issue.
My sons then told me they are being left alone for hours at a time by the father and him walking around in his underwear.


8 YEARS ago my ex walked around in his underwear when the 3 young babysitters were there. I addressed this with him. Didn't think it would ever happen again.


Well now, here we go, I have found out he is doing this again!

Clarification I hope.

Children can be used to testify on their own behalf. Other non family members have witness the children being left along.
If the his mother is subpoenaed to testify, she would have to tell the truth, I hope!

 

[Mbarr77]

It is funny on how many people get involved they make up their own stuff.

My daughter came to me a few days ago regarding the nudity issue.
My sons then told me they are being left alone for hours at a time by the father and him walking around in his underwear.


8 YEARS ago my ex walked around in his underwear when the 3 young babysitters were there. I addressed this with him. Didn't think it would ever happen again.


Well now, here we go, I have found out he is doing this again!

Clarification I hope.

Children can be used to testify on their own behalf. Other non family members have witness the children being left along.
If the his mother is subpoenaed to testify, she would have to tell the truth, I hope!

Yes, they CAN in some cases, but would you really want to put your kids through that?

 

[Kane]

If the father doesn't know better than this, he's either a certified mental midget, or he's been living in a cave his whole life.

Poster: before you call Child Protective Services (or whatever it's called in your state), you need to do some research on what happens after they get involved in your life.

Specifically, you need to realize that they don't work for you, and that what they decide to do isn't necessarily (and isn't very likely to be) what you think needs to be done. (That's assuming they do something. The other option is that they'll do nothing at all.)

Unless you want to spend the next four or five years fighting with social services, as well as the father, it may not be a good idea.

I'd suggest you file for a modification and/or temporary orders. Simply getting the papers might be enough to wake him up.

I realize this will cost you money, and a phone call to CPS is free, but in the long run I suspect you'll be happier.

That's assuming you don't think he's a pervert. Which you haven't actually alleged yet. (You're just kind of hinting at it up to this point.)

If and when you decide he's a pervert, go ahead and call CPS.

However, don't assume CPS is simply going to say, "Wow! Thanks for telling us he's a pervert! Here's your kids back!"

 

[davisracing48]

Yes, they CAN in some cases, but would you really want to put your kids through that?

No, of course, not, I was just stating that it is not a lost cause if the children
are telling the stories to use their statements. Like child abuse, MOST LIKELY, you tend to believe the child in these types of issues that there is some sort of neglegence. They would be called to again tell their story no matter where it may be (court, DCFS, Police station)

I am not saying he abused her! Please don't miss quote me. All I am trying to do is understand and try and get this resolved so that he doesn't do this again. I would think there are alot of people that would agree, he should take precautions on certain things of his own preferences around the children.

My daughter is having a hard time sleeping alone in her room at his house.
She can't explain what is it other than she is scared. She has seen a counselor and the counselor just thinks it is a security issue she is having with the whole divorce situation. You can't fault her for looking for the comfort in the middle of the night.

Just like any human being, you can teach tell, tell them and discipline them, but that doesn't mean they get it..

 

[davisracing48]

If the father doesn't know better than this, he's either a certified mental midget, or he's been living in a cave his whole life.

Poster: before you call Child Protective Services (or whatever it's called in your state), you need to do some research on what happens after they get involved in your life.

Specifically, you need to realize that they don't work for you, and that what they decide to do isn't necessarily (and isn't very likely to be) what you think needs to be done. (That's assuming they do something. The other option is that they'll do nothing at all.)

Unless you want to spend the next four or five years fighting with social services, as well as the father, it may not be a good idea.

I'd suggest you file for a modification and/or temporary orders. Simply getting the papers might be enough to wake him up.

I realize this will cost you money, and a phone call to CPS is free, but in the long run I suspect you'll be happier.

That's assuming you don't think he's a pervert. Which you haven't actually alleged yet. (You're just kind of hinting at it up to this point.)

If and when you decide he's a pervert, go ahead and call CPS.

However, don't assume CPS is simply going to say, "Wow! Thanks for telling us he's a pervert! Here's your kids back!"

Thanks for the input! Very helpful and enlightening.

I don't want to drag anyone through anything. I want to make him aware
that even though it IS his house, there is certain behavior that is appropriate
when the kids ARE present. I want him to understand that just cause he is in
his own house doesn't give him the right to stand nude in front of the window so the neighbors can see. There are certain acts that are to used in an appropriate manner and that he understands that there CAN BE consequences to them.

Im not looking to try and GET the kids from him. He is a good father, but tends to make bad choices.

 

[acmb05]

Ok I will ammend my answer

So you knew 8 years ago that he walked around in his underwear and in the last 8 years you never thought to ask them if it was still happening?

 

[davisracing48]

You are correct!

I was never given any reason to question him about it still going on.
I trusted that I made such a big stink about it, that he understood
the inappropriate manner it was, that he would NOT do it again.
I have been out of the house for 2 years now.
Guess, I was wrong!

Then, the kids told me about him walking around in his underwear a few days ago.