Child Custody and CPS

[Loveforfamily]

You need an attorney. Your biggest mistake was not signing the action plan. That automatically puts you in a precarious position. Get an attorney immediately.

Thank you, I will take your advice. I will say though me and the social worker are still on good terms though.

 

[Loveforfamily]

Who has custody of your child now? Your original post refers to a partner with addiction problems and an ex-partner with struggles. Are these the same person? Are either of these your child's other parent?

My partner's mothe and look, I don't want to come across as if I don't respect her help. I just mean that she works full-time, has health problems, and while she's very straight-edge, we differ in our ways of doing things.

For example, I limit screen time and read 3-5 books to him before bed. They, on the other hand, watch some silly kids' show, which ideally isn't the best choice before bed.

The main issue, which I again mention respectfully, is that I can only see him under her constraints, and that requires me to commute 90 minutes each way. For example, if I want to put him in sports or karate, I can't. From her view, karate is teaching fighting; from my view, it teaches discipline and structure. So, I guess he just gets cartoons.

Also, I will add me and my mother in law(how I generally address) were on better terms, then her and her daughter, or more trusted.

 

[Loveforfamily]

Thank you for your input. Yes, I have been very respectful to CPS and understanding.

1. I have complied with all their requirements and am doing my best to cooperate.
2. It's not an attitude towards CPS in general. For example, I was a manager for years, and my frustration arises when people are not doing their job properly. I understand they have a lot on their plate, but I am just looking for more direct answers.
3. Thanks, I have considered that, but without putting a few thousand dollars down, I can't get more than an inquiry. As mentioned in my other posts, it's a matter of allocating money. However, I may just need to spend the money on a lawyer.

 

[Loveforfamily]

You need an attorney. Your biggest mistake was not signing the action plan. That automatically puts you in a precarious position. Get an attorney immediately.

I see your point, but to be as clear as possible, I did not sign it because it was not clear. There was one worker initially, but then it got switched to another. In multiple attempts to directly talk to her or cover all bases, she was either busy or on vacation.

My question is, if things have not been signed, isn't what they are doing slightly illegal? It seems like she did not follow through to explain or ensure it was signed.

Sorry, I also thought this forum was more of lawyers offering advice.

 

[Loveforfamily]

I agree. 15/30 minutes is a long time to take your eyes off a 4 year old child and OP is darn lucky that the child was not snatched or harmed while he was sitting outside the building on a bench.

Yes, exactly which is why I panicked and went into emergency mode. At that time I did not know if had been snatched, or what. He had also never left my side, or anything like that in the past. I have never injured him, dropped him as a child, or anything. At the time I did not think the play place would have just let him to play and so forth. So again maybe not the best job on their part. It is a fairly big facility though, maybe 50 kids or more inside when it is busy.

I understand your point though, I failed as a parent at that point. We only sat down in the grass for less then 5 minutes. He was just excited and ran in(later put together). I was fulfilling my word to take him.

 

[Loveforfamily]

As another example, just getting him into school was a battle. Education is very important to both me and his mother.

However, CPS and my mother-in-law were incorrect in thinking he was too young to be in school. I only knew because I went through all of this the previous year. His birthday is in October, and the child must be 3 at the start of the school year (September), so he just barely missed it the previous year.

This year, both CPS and my mother-in-law tried extensively to tell me he was too young. Okay, but I’m trying to help out because now my mother-in-law/me are paying $1,000 per week for daycare (whereas I was able to get a voucher for $100 a week, which they did not or could not).

CPS essentially told me that education is not always the best decision. How are you a CPS worker and don't know the age requirements for public school? We also had a scholarship for a private school, but things were not followed through in time. CPS basically said it is not my decision for him to be in school.

 

[LdiJ]

I see your point, but to be as clear as possible, I did not sign it because it was not clear. There was one worker initially, but then it got switched to another. In multiple attempts to directly talk to her or cover all bases, she was either busy or on vacation.

My question is, if things have not been signed, isn't what they are doing slightly illegal? It seems like she did not follow through to explain or ensure it was signed.

Sorry, I also thought this forum was more of lawyers offering advice.

No, it does not mean that what they are doing is slightly illegal. It means that you did not agree to jump through the hoops that they wanted you to jump through in order to resolve things. That just makes it easier for them to take away your rights permanently. It makes you unrepentant and in denial of your own mistakes. You need an attorney to try to fix your mistake.

 

[LdiJ]

As another example, just getting him into school was a battle. Education is very important to both me and his mother.

However, CPS and my mother-in-law were incorrect in thinking he was too young to be in school. I only knew because I went through all of this the previous year. His birthday is in October, and the child must be 3 at the start of the school year (September), so he just barely missed it the previous year.

This year, both CPS and my mother-in-law tried extensively to tell me he was too young. Okay, but I’m trying to help out because now my mother-in-law/me are paying $1,000 per week for daycare (whereas I was able to get a voucher for $100 a week, which they did not or could not).

CPS essentially told me that education is not always the best decision. How are you a CPS worker and don't know the age requirements for public school? We also had a scholarship for a private school, but things were not followed through in time. CPS basically said it is not my decision for him to be in school.

What you do not seem to understand is that your rights as a parent are basically suspended at this time. Your mother in law does not have the rights of a parent either. She isn't making the rules CPS is. If she doesn't follow their rules they will remove the child from her and place the child with a stranger foster family. CPS temporarily has the rights of a parent as far as your child is concerned. Your child is currently a ward of the state. You have no decision making rights at all where your child is concerned. You will not get your decision making rights, or physical custody of your child back, until you jump through all of the hoops (to their satisfaction) that the state is requiring of you and/or an attorney convinces a judge that CPS made a mistake in removing the child from your custody or both.

 

[AlmostThere]

Look, being a single parent is hard. Many of us here are single parents. We sacrificed, ran ourselves ragged, and made hard decisions. You have the added burden of trying to do this while fulfilling an intensive drug rehab program. When will it be complete?

How is your childcare $1000/week? Do you have a nanny? Or do you mean $1000/month, with $100/week voucher, which comes down to $570/month?

You may not like how your partner's mother approaches child care - or her constraints- but she has zero obligation to help you. I would stop worrying about the Karate - your child is four. You have years and years to enroll him in martial arts. If your child's grandparent would rather see him doing something else, handing around the kitchen, or watching a few cartoons, you should smile and say thank you. You need her help.

 

[commentator]

The CPS system, the child protection workers do not care if you stay in the system, get out of the system, pay for drug testing, pay the system money or not. Their salaries are fixed, they do not have any incentive to "make money" off you or any other client. It sounds as though you tend to end up in an adversarial relationship with every system or individual you run into who does not let you completely control the action and do exactly what you want to do. You want to go back to what has already happened and justify everything that you do as the right and only thing to do and to cast blame and threaten to sue if things did not go the way you would've preferred. It's going to be a long long road to this child's 18th birthday.

This is why you need to have an attorney to represent you and do exactly what they advise. You seem to take things as threats and do not seem to have the very best judgment about how you perceive what other people are saying and doing and telling you you must do. That will not work to your advantage in your dealing with the social systems. Suing an agency for the way your case has been/is being handled is highly unlikely and difficult. Definitely harm has to be shown. What is offered here on this site is information, I'm sure no matter who gave you the advice, lawyer or no, you'll take what you like and disregard the rest.

As a lifelong participant in martial arts, I will be able with much authority to tell you that if you want your child to take karate, I would never advise you to start him at any age below about six or seven years and only then if he was very mature, very interested and it was a very good program. There's no quicker way to burn a child out on the martial arts than to push him into them when he doesn't have any idea what he's doing or why.

 

[stealth2]

However, CPS and my mother-in-law were incorrect in thinking he was too young to be in school. I only knew because I went through all of this the previous year. His birthday is in October, and the child must be 3 at the start of the school year (September), so he just barely missed it the previous year.

MD's compulsory age for education is FIVE. Daycare/pre-K are not the same.

In my opinion it is just a way to keep people in the system and pay more money. I have to pay for the UA, and the outpatient. Again my only charge ever in my life,ever, no dui,nothing only disturbing the peace. They draw their own conclusions.

Didn't really answer my question - there must be *something* that made CPS require these steps on your part.

 

[Loveforfamily]

MD's compulsory age for education is FIVE. Daycare/pre-K are not the same.

Didn't really answer my question - there must be *something* that made CPS require these steps on your part.

Yes, if you mean the required age to be in school, that is different from the minimum age to be allowed into public schools. On the positive side, they did get him into pre-K, and his first day was yesterday. For reference

"MCPS offers part-day and full-day programs at schools across the county. Entrance into a Prekindergarten and Head Start programs is determined by age, income and residency. Children who will be 3 years old or 4 years old by September 1 can apply for our programs."

It’s a fairly long story to explain all of their reasoning, and I can chat with you if you feel up to reading it all. In short, though, opinion or not, the police officers took it upon themselves to break the law.

They nailed down four charges in the situation where they could—three felonies reduced to one misdemeanor, disturbing the peace. You can draw your own conclusion, but this was with a public defender, and the judge sided with me. The officer walked out of the courtroom not even halfway through as he understood the direction it was going.

Also, without mentioning details, I know this officer is crooked.

How, you may ask? Well, a friend of a friend recognized he from a Facebook video. It is also not that far fetched to believe or see cops are crooked in America. Not to discount the fact there are some, or a ton who do their job and uphold the law. He only happened to notice him because of the video I showed, where the officer had long sleeves on. My friend was like, 'I definitely know that guy,' and mentioned his entire sleeve tattoo. After further investigation, the friend was right and did spot his sleeve tattoo.

Also, with further general public records, it seems that his family has multiple drug charges, with most having extensive criminal records in other states. Potentially, yes, he went in the direction of enforcing the law, but that does not seem to be the case. He essentially did not like the fact that I knew the Fourth Amendment.

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons , houses , papers , and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.gain"

It is open to opinion as to what happened, and one may have to draw their own conclusions about what occurred next.

I do, however, have video of the incident, but out of respect for his potential best intentions, I am not going to post that on the internet

 

[Loveforfamily]

The CPS system, the child protection workers do not care if you stay in the system, get out of the system, pay for drug testing, pay the system money or not. Their salaries are fixed, they do not have any incentive to "make money" off you or any other client. It sounds as though you tend to end up in an adversarial relationship with every system or individual you run into who does not let you completely control the action and do exactly what you want to do. You want to go back to what has already happened and justify everything that you do as the right and only thing to do and to cast blame and threaten to sue if things did not go the way you would've preferred. It's going to be a long long road to this child's 18th birthday.

This is why you need to have an attorney to represent you and do exactly what they advise. You seem to take things as threats and do not seem to have the very best judgment about how you perceive what other people are saying and doing and telling you you must do. That will not work to your advantage in your dealing with the social systems. Suing an agency for the way your case has been/is being handled is highly unlikely and difficult. Definitely harm has to be shown. What is offered here on this site is information, I'm sure no matter who gave you the advice, lawyer or no, you'll take what you like and disregard the rest.

As a lifelong participant in martial arts, I will be able with much authority to tell you that if you want your child to take karate, I would never advise you to start him at any age below about six or seven years and only then if he was very mature, very interested and it was a very good program. There's no quicker way to burn a child out on the martial arts than to push him into them when he doesn't have any idea what he's doing or why.

Thank you for your input, and I appreciate the advice regarding martial arts. That was really meant to be a very basic example.

However, I also participate in sports and martial arts.

My sister explained that at a young age, the training is very basic, and parents often have to participate too. It’s something along the lines of pretending the mats are alligators, and you need to jump past them.

A better example might be meditation, where the kids are asked to sit and focus. They’re told, 'Don’t talk, just listen.' This is important because when you listen and focus, you learn. Again, it’s not so much about actually teaching fighting. However, as some may or may not notice, without a physical outlet, many kids are getting caught up in crime and addiction at an earlier age. I do support sports, but I would like more for him than just football and a Bud Light commercial.

I am primarily trained in judo, which is more defensive than offensive. If I had to guess, I would say you are trained in jiu-jitsu, Krav Maga, karate, taekwondo. Tai Chi would be more benefical at this age in my opionion. However with research, most facilities actually start at the age of 3.

 

[Loveforfamily]

What you do not seem to understand is that your rights as a parent are basically suspended at this time. Your mother in law does not have the rights of a parent either. She isn't making the rules CPS is. If she doesn't follow their rules they will remove the child from her and place the child with a stranger foster family. CPS temporarily has the rights of a parent as far as your child is concerned. Your child is currently a ward of the state. You have no decision making rights at all where your child is concerned. You will not get your decision making rights, or physical custody of your child back, until you jump through all of the hoops (to their satisfaction) that the state is requiring of you and/or an attorney convinces a judge that CPS made a mistake in removing the child from your custody or both.

Yes, technically by the book, you are correct. However, in practice, CPS is often busy and not necessarily doing their job. It became a debate about whether to put him in school, and ultimately, it was up to my mother-in-law because it needed to align with her schedule. CPS had no input in the decision; they didn’t even know the actual age requirements.

However, if you mean that CPS had the authority to say it was up to her, then you are correct.

 

[Loveforfamily]

No, it does not mean that what they are doing is slightly illegal. It means that you did not agree to jump through the hoops that they wanted you to jump through in order to resolve things. That just makes it easier for them to take away your rights permanently. It makes you unrepentant and in denial of your own mistakes. You need an attorney to try to fix your mistake.

Thank you! This is probably the most direct answer I was looking for.

However, I have complied and jumped through all their hoops.

A better example might be to consider a situation where the child was not in the best environment. How can I go about regaining some input as a parent? For instance, what if the grandmother was a drug addict, or the mother was manipulating the system to get food stamps and unemployment?

These are all hypothetical scenarios, to be clear—I’m just trying to use a better point of reference.