Child Custody and CPS

[Loveforfamily]

Thank you! This is probably the most direct answer I was looking for.

However, I have complied and jumped through all their hoops.

A better example might be to consider a situation where the child was not in the best environment. How can I go about regaining some input as a parent? For instance, what if the mom or grandmother was a drug addict, or the mother was manipulating the system to get food stamps and unemployment? What if the mother-in-law meant well but was living in an unhealthy way—obese, with pest issues, hoarding, or lacking a general understanding of healthy living? Just walk into the front desk of any public school and have a conversation, and you might understand. In my previous job, I called every elementary, middle, and high school in my state, so I have some perspective on this.

These are all hypothetical scenarios, to be clear—I’m just trying to use a better point of reference.

 

[Loveforfamily]

I want to add that I appreciate everyone's advice and input, and I will take it to heart.

I don’t mean to come across as if I’m disputing or not considering what’s being said. I will take the advice of those who likely have more experience and wisdom.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you! This is probably the most direct answer I was looking for.

However, I have complied and jumped through all their hoops.

It doesn't matter. You did not contractually agree to do so. That hurts you. You are doing so under your own terms, not theirs and you don't understand that they have all of the power at this point. If you want a good outcome, you hire an attorney and do exactly what the attorney tells you to do even if your self-esteem cannot stand doing it.

A better example might be to consider a situation where the child was not in the best environment. How can I go about regaining some input as a parent? For instance, what if the grandmother was a drug addict, or the mother was manipulating the system to get food stamps and unemployment?

Then CPS would either have placed the child with a stranger foster family in the first place or would be removing the child from grandma to do so. You don't get any input back until either CPS or a judge says that you do.

These are all hypothetical scenarios, to be clear—I’m just trying to use a better point of reference.

I get that and that is one of the reasons why I am trying to be as blunt and clear as possible. If your child is the most important thing to you, then you will do what you need to do, even if that means groveling and accepting that they have all of the power and you have none.

 

[Loveforfamily]

Here’s another example that might put things into perspective as well.

Last weekend, they went to the county fair, and I wasn’t notified until afterward. Then they went to Six Flags, again without notifying me until after the fact.

Both of these could have been optimal situations for me to connect in a public setting.

When I did schedule time to meet with him and my mother-in-law, communication wasn’t great. I ended up paying $25 each way for Uber, only for her to leave the park early. Then, because he played with a retractable key chain more than he wanted to eat the ice cream, somehow I was in the wrong. Yet, I paid for it all the ice cream and food, and I don’t see anything wrong with allowing him to play with a retractable key chain. So in reality it was nearly 150$ wasted.

 

[Loveforfamily]

It doesn't matter. You did not contractually agree to do so. That hurts you. You are doing so under your own terms, not theirs and you don't understand that they have all of the power at this point. If you want a good outcome, you hire an attorney and do exactly what the attorney tells you to do even if your self-esteem cannot stand doing it.



Then CPS would either have placed the child with a stranger foster family in the first place or would be removing the child from grandma to do so. You don't get any input back until either CPS or a judge says that you do.



I get that and that is one of the reasons why I am trying to be as blunt and clear as possible. If your child is the most important thing to you, then you will do what you need to do, even if that means groveling and accepting that they have all of the power and you have none.

Again thank you for your input. How do you suppose the average person would be able to hire a lawyer, work full time, delegate time for the child, do iop 3 hours a day, provide housing/food,and also commute to do a ua once a week.

More so I mean which might be the best to prioritize?

Essentially it will be homelessness for me, to fulfill their obligations. That or not be in his life.

However, I think your answer and most on here will be, that's your problem bud.

 

[Loveforfamily]

It doesn't matter. You did not contractually agree to do so. That hurts you. You are doing so under your own terms, not theirs and you don't understand that they have all of the power at this point. If you want a good outcome, you hire an attorney and do exactly what the attorney tells you to do even if your self-esteem cannot stand doing it.



Then CPS would either have placed the child with a stranger foster family in the first place or would be removing the child from grandma to do so. You don't get any input back until either CPS or a judge says that you do.



I get that and that is one of the reasons why I am trying to be as blunt and clear as possible. If your child is the most important thing to you, then you will do what you need to do, even if that means groveling and accepting that they have all of the power and you have none.

Thanks for being blunt though.

I understand now that, at this point, I really don't have much control. The only option is to comply with their obligations until I do, rather than arguing with the system or debating whether the laws were properly fulfilled. Hiring a lawyer would also take a lot of time, energy, and money, and could potentially be detrimental to the child, my mother-in-law, and my partner.

 

[Zigner]

Here’s another example that might put things into perspective as well.

Last weekend, they went to the county fair, and I wasn’t notified until afterward. Then they went to Six Flags, again without notifying me until after the fact.

Both of these could have been optimal situations for me to connect in a public setting.

There was no obligation, legal or moral, for them to notify or invite you.

When I did schedule time to meet with him and my mother-in-law, communication wasn’t great. I ended up paying $25 each way for Uber, only for her to leave the park early. Then, because he played with a retractable key chain more than he wanted to eat the ice cream, somehow I was in the wrong. Yet, I paid for it all the ice cream and food, and I don’t see anything wrong with allowing him to play with a retractable key chain. So in reality it was nearly 150$ wasted.

So what is your cutoff where the time with your child is more valuable?

 

[stealth2]

They nailed down four charges in the situation where they could—three felonies reduced to one misdemeanor, disturbing the peace. You can draw your own conclusion, but this was with a public defender, and the judge sided with me. The officer walked out of the courtroom not even halfway through as he understood the direction it was going.

Aaaah, I see. So rehab, etc. was your "reward" for getting bumped down to a misdemeanor. And you think it went your way.

Regarding schooling... you got what you wanted, so it's a moot point.

As you were told earlier, you no longer get the input you used to - until CPS/court says you do.

 

[AlmostThere]

Loveforfamily: I really hope you can take a step back and look at the situation a bit more dispassionately. Please realize that even if everyone here sides with you and says you were wronged, it is not going to change the situation you are in now.

If you want to regain custody of your child, you need to stop harping on how you feel wronged and start focusing on what CPS and the judge is telling you to do. Right now your anger at everyone, wanting to control CPS, courts, and your child's grandparent is coming across loud and clear, and drowning out any acceptance of the fact that your actions endangered your child. In other words, your focus needs to be on your child's welfare and safety rather than just regaining custody.

 

[LdiJ]

Again thank you for your input. How do you suppose the average person would be able to hire a lawyer, work full time, delegate time for the child, do iop 3 hours a day, provide housing/food,and also commute to do a ua once a week.

More so I mean which might be the best to prioritize?

Essentially it will be homelessness for me, to fulfill their obligations. That or not be in his life.

However, I think your answer and most on here will be, that's your problem bud.

This reply indicates that you have a fundamental lack of understanding about what your problems are here. This is why you need an attorney if at all possible. You are expecting/wanting what you believe is your definition of fairness/logic from the system. The system wants you to give up everything but what you need to do to get your child back. The system wants you to prove that you want your child back enough that you will make it happen. The system wants you to prove that there is nothing more important to you than your child.

I also am not sure what you mean by "delegate time for the child". The only time that you should be spending with the child is the scheduled time that CPS has given you for parental visitation which is usually a once or twice a week visit. If grandma is allowing you to spend more time with the child than that, then you are risking CPS yanking the child from grandma and putting the child with a stranger foster family. You really don't want that if it can be avoided.

 

[Zigner]

The officer walked out of the courtroom not even halfway through as he understood the direction it was going.

The officer is a witness. As such, it is not required (or even desired) that he remain in the courtroom for the entire proceeding.

 

[LdiJ]

Here’s another example that might put things into perspective as well.

Last weekend, they went to the county fair, and I wasn’t notified until afterward. Then they went to Six Flags, again without notifying me until after the fact.

Both of these could have been optimal situations for me to connect in a public setting.

They absolutely would NOT have been optimal situations. If grandma had allowed that she would be risking CPS yanking the child from her and putting the child in stranger foster care. You get to see the child on the schedule and in the manner designated by CPS ONLY.

When I did schedule time to meet with him and my mother-in-law, communication wasn’t great. I ended up paying $25 each way for Uber, only for her to leave the park early. Then, because he played with a retractable key chain more than he wanted to eat the ice cream, somehow I was in the wrong. Yet, I paid for it all the ice cream and food, and I don’t see anything wrong with allowing him to play with a retractable key chain. So in reality it was nearly 150$ wasted.

Again, this is one of those paragraphs that clearly indicate that you don't get it. The fact that you don't see anything wrong with something is irrelevant. Your opinion doesn't matter right now.

 

[Just Blue]

The officer is a witness. As such, it is not required (or even desired) that he remain in the courtroom for the entire proceeding.

Exactly, Officer likely went back to work...or home if he was off schedule.

Real life criminal cases are not like an episode of L&O where the arresting officer stays in court till verdict.

 

[Just Blue]

I really wish summerdawn still posted here...She would be great advising this OP because of her personal experience getting custody of her children back from CPS.

 

[Loveforfamily]

They absolutely would NOT have been optimal situations. If grandma had allowed that she would be risking CPS yanking the child from her and putting the child in stranger foster care. You get to see the child on the schedule and in the manner designated by CPS ONLY.



Again, this is one of those paragraphs that clearly indicate that you don't get it. The fact that you don't see anything wrong with something is irrelevant. Your opinion doesn't matter right now.

I do see what is wrong here, and have followed every requirement to the tee. I am specifically referencing the lack of communication and direction!

Grandma did allow so, with little communication, but it was allowed.....

So now your comeback is me or her is wrong? Because from above she would be wrong.....which is my whole point.

Unnesscary insults are also not needed, so technically your answers is to yourself. Your "opinion is irrelevant as well"

Factual information, that is different.

Again though, I do appreciate your "opinion" as well.