Day Care!!! Help!!!

[mpfups]

What is the name of your state? Maryland

Ok my question is...I have 2 daughters & my ex wants to put them in day care..We will be legally divorced in August..We have a consent order & all & nothing stipulates that i have to pay half for daycare...We both have joint legal & physical custody of the kids...I pay her $125 a week for child support cuz i make alot more than her...She is only working a part time job but now all of a sudden wants to switch to day hours & my kids are now out of school..I have the kids every Friday through Monday morning..

So in short my ex wants me to pay her extra for day care & she says she will pay half but actually in theory with child support I already pay, im paying it all....She says if i dont pay her she will take me to court..Can this happen? Doesnt sound right! Shes money hungry...I thought CHILD SUPPORT was for this sort of thing...

 

[hexeliebe]

pay her $125 a week for child support cuz i make alot more than her

Well, aren't you special. $125 for two children a week is only $600 a month. Realize something Einstein. Just to feed and cloth children, especially girls, it takes about $75 a week and that's at a minimum of keeping them healthy. It doesn't include the nice things like soft toilet paper, soap, shampoo and GOD FORBID! a book now and then to read.

Oh, I forgot, you're paying $125 a week. That's an extra $25 a week per child. Well now, I guess they could always make due with one pair of shoes, socks with holes in them, dirty sheets and forget the video or movie now and then. After all, you make MUCH more than mommy and it's YOUR money.

She is only working a part time job but now all of a sudden wants to switch to day hours & my kids are now out of school

So? Then if you have them in the mornings and she'll return to days, all you need is daycare for 1/2 day times two children which amounts to daycare for one...not a stretch of math. Or would you rather her work 1/2 time and go back to court to amend the support order because you can't kick in an extra $250 a month (or more). Believe me, if you do make MUCH MORE than she does, $125 a week for two children is chicken feed.

So in short my ex wants me to pay her extra for day care & she says she will pay half but actually in theory with child support I already pay, im paying it all....She says if i dont pay her she will take me to court..Can this happen? Doesnt sound right! Shes money hungry...I thought CHILD SUPPORT was for this sort of thing...

If she's willing to pay half then what's your beef. There are alot of women out there who won't pay a thing. And no, child support is for the care of the child. To feed, cloth and support them. Daycare is usually administered as an addendum to any support agreement. I hope you tell her no, that you won't pay a dime.

Because if you do she will take you back to court and guess what buddy? She'll get FULL DAY CARE. Money hungry? GET OVER YOURSELF. They are your children too.

It's guys like you who make me sick. You decided to have children and now you're going to make them suffer because of your pride. Pick a lane and get out of mine. I love my daughters and pay one hell of a lot more than you, about 10 times more. Not because I have to, we never had a support agreement. It's because I want to.

Be glad your ex wants to go back to work fulltime. There are lots of women who take the child support, work 1/2 day, play the slots or drink or do drugs and the children suffer.

 

[mpfups]

Well idiot since u are so rude...I have the kid as much as she does....Somewhere in the post you must not have read this..Not to mention I have the FAMILY home & pay all there medical & doctor bills so how can u say what you did...Obviosly u are a woman with biased views...

So can a unbiased person please help out..Thanks....

 

[mpfups]

Also no to mention this is the child support guidelines of Md....So are you saying Maryland calculated wrong?

 

[mpfups]

Also my ex has never worked full time....NEVER do u read me..She is living scott free with a friend so dont tell me about that...The girl is too busy spending the support money on parties & stuff that isnt for the kids & there is proof of that so i dont wanna hear it.....

You obviously have some issues fella

 

[hexeliebe]

Obviosly u are a woman with biased views...

Wrong bubba. But then you're wrong about alot of things. The child support you're paying is figured as a BASE. It has nothing to do with daycare and other expenses which your ex CAN and SHOULD take you back to court for if she has to.

Figure it out. You have the girls half a day...she is willing to pay 1/2...so at most you'd be paying 1/2 of 1/2 a day for two girls...duh? Got that? You're arguing over peanuts.

By the way genius, ever figure out in your pea brain that once your wife starts making more money, you can go back to court and get child support ADJUSTED?????

Now what part of this don't you understand?

 

[mpfups]

IDIOT! This is only a summer job...This isnt permenetly..If it was a permanent job then id say sure..This woman wants to leave these kids in a summer program with strangers....We agreed to never put the kids in daycare but now its all changed....

We have been to court & have a CONSENT order...They figured out both of our pays & came up with 125 a week...It wasnt me who set this up....Im supposed to make her pay half the medical bills...Do i do that no, but i guess i should now...

I love my kids very much so who are you to doubt that...Im just sick of these women getting a free ride..She voluntarily underemploys herself so she can get child support...

Just cuz u pay whatever astronomical amount doesnt mean everyone has to...I probably have the kids more than you have yours....

 

[me 2]

Many times daycare issues are addressed in the divorce decree. It might be worth your while to check into this. Do you have right of first refusal? Sometimes the NCP is responsible for part of the daycare costs, sometimes it is deducted from the CS calculations. Personally I would be encouraged that your ex is seeking more employment. It may decrease the amount of CS that you are responsible for in the future if both incomes are considered in your state.

 

[VeeGee]

mp....hex is right, your NOT paying alot of child support. Besides...isn't it the children's best interest that your concerned about? Don't you think the kids would benefit with day care and meet new friends. Don't you think that maybe they are upset about the divorce? Why should they suffer over your divorce, I'm not trying to be sarcastic or anything...but the way your talking, your not really putting your children's happiness first. I think day care would be great for them...at least for the 1/2 day their minds will be occupied with playing and laughing and having fun.

I also didn't like your remark about "Obviosly u are a woman with biased views...I am a woman, divorced and certainly NOT bias. I got child support AND alimony...so count your lucky stars you don't have to pay spousal support. I have 2 children...and the child support I received was double of what you pay, again....count your lucky stars. Like Hex said....alot of women don't work, nor are they willing to pay 1/2 of day care. I'd say you got away with murder...do not push your luck because your ex can take you to court for more child support and if she wins, you will wish you went 1/2 with her on that day care.

 

[theother]

Original Poster:
My understanding is that daycare isn't generally included in CS. You should probably just bite the bullet and pay half of day care costs. It will probably cheaper in the long run than having her modify the CS.

Everyone Else:
I wouldn't be so quick to jump on him (or anyone) about the amount of CS he pays. Just because someone pays more or less than someone else doesn't mean anything. We don't know his income or anything else about his situation. $600 a month may be an astronomical amount to him. Just because it's chump change to you doesn't make him a bad person. He could live in a part of the country where expenses are low and you are considered well off if you make more than ten bucks an hour. Maybe he doesn't have a high paying career because he wanted to have a job where he could see his children often. Even if that's not the case, we still don't know the whole story. For example, I think it's bizarre when people gripe about small support awards then you find out that the guy that they chose to be the father of their child was a drug-using fast food jockey. It's like, hello , you would be poor and struggling if you were still with him what makes you think that now that you are divorced you would actually have enough money? Next time, have sex with someone that has a good job. Besides, doesn't his ex have any responsibility to support the children? So I guess the kids aren't (or shouldn't be) living on $125/wk. Anyway, he is paying his support and he is with his kids EVERY WEEK which is more than a lot of people do and is more important than the money in my opinion.

By the way, I wouldn't necessarily think that balking at paying for daycare means he isn't thinking of the children's best interests. Some of us don't consider daycare to be a good thing. Just my opinion.

 

[stealth2]

mpfups: It is very unlikely that a judge will penalize her for deciding to take full-time work, and will more likely than not order you to pay half the cost. It would work the same way if you had custody of the children during the workweek. Of course, you could use her increased income to request a modification of child support.

You also contradict yourself a fair bit - you complain that she's underemployed, and then that she's going to work fulltime. You apparently believe she's a good mother to your kids, yet then complain that all she does is party. Just something to bear in mind when you're in court. Go in with this attitude, and you'll find the judge has little sympathy for you.

theother: We know what part of the country he lives in - MD, which isn't the cheapest place to live. Also, I'd say that going from P/T to F/T indicates that the mother IS supporting the kids as well.

 

[theother]

momma-tiger

I wasn't trying to say that the mom doesn't support the kids. I was actually responding more to Hex's post about the girls having to survive on the OP's $125/week. I was trying to say that they don't actually have to live on that amount since the mother also supports them.

Momma-tiger, I'm not sure how expensive Maryland is but I live in CA which is horribly expensive unless you live in say Bakersfield. Maybe there are cheaper areas in Maryland too. Anyway, even if that's not the case, it doesn't invalidate my point. My point is that we don't know the whole situation so we shouldn't assume that he is a bad father because he "only" pays $600 a month. He isn't trying to squirm out of his obligation. He pays guidelines and so it's probably a sizable portion of his after-tax income. I just think that it is sad that people are coming down on a guy who has his kids almost half-time and pays his support. It's not like he's a deadbeat. And, I don't see where he is saying the mother is going to have permanent, full-time employment. I may be wrong, but I was under the impression that she is just changing her hours not increasing them. I also don't see where he says that he believes that she is a good mother, so I am not sure where he is contradicting himself.

 

[stealth2]

Perhaps I was reading between lines. But it's still pretty likely that he's going to end up paying part of the daycare costs.

 

[withonel]

I thought CHILD SUPPORT was for this sort of thing...

***Child support is to maintain the household for the children, if you make more than your ex, you pay child support in theory so that the children's standard of living is equal when at mom or dad's house. If there will now be day care expenses it is usual for the parents to split this cost.

This woman wants to leave these kids in a summer program with strangers....We agreed to never put the kids in daycare but now its all changed....

***I'm sure you also agreed 'till death do you part', things change. You can't control when she works. If it requires the kids are in a program to receive supervision and socialization while she works, most judges will require that parents with joint custody split these costs.

Kids really are forever, even if marriage is not.

 

[theother]

I'm sorry if I wasn't clear that I agree that she would probably be awarded half of daycare costs. He can probably lessen the impact on his wallet and reduce the stress on the children by working with her to find a good, affordable facility and agreeing to pay his share instead of forcing her to go to court.