Ex Wife is breaking court order "moral clause"

[f8al2u]

wow, your responses are amazing... can I have my ass back now??

I apologize for not espressing myself better or that I can't spell a few words. I was in a hurry this morning so I didn't miss work.

here is the quote Reguarding "overnight guests"

"Neither party shall have overnight guests to which they are not related by blood or marriage and with whom they are engaged in a relationship of romantic, personal, or sexual nature at any time during which the minor child is in their physical custody. For the purposes of the agreement, the terms "overnight" shall be defined as between the hours of 10pm and 8am."

BLOOD OR MARRIAGE....I may be in Mississippi but incest is not the case People. I can be here when he is here. The reason that it is so upsetting is because The entire time I was dating My now hubby, I LEFT before 10PM.

My question was in the best interest of my step son. I didn't expect to be attacked. Again, you will bring up that this is the words of an 8 year old, but he has told his father that his mother calls him "a little *******" and the worst one is "a little N-word", among other things that he is stupid if he doesn't get something right the first time. More to the story, if you care to read it....The mother is white (so am I) and the father is Half white and half black. She has left voicemails calling him (the dad) the N-word. She left those voicemails willingly, she knew she was being recorded. She has ran into the father with her SUV knocking him down to the ground all while their son was in the passenger seat screaming "don't hurt my daddy". The police were called and the 8 year old was pulled to the side and asked what happened. "my mommy tried to hurt my daddy." Did your dad hit your mom? No, my mom hit my daddy. This was after she forced herself into his home to see if he had someone there..... I might add that she brought the son to the door as he was with her at the time. Which is why he opened the door to begin with. His son started taking off his coat thinking he was staying at his dad's house and then the doo-doo hit the fan. that's when she starting go through his home looking for someone to be there screaming at the top of her lungs. She had no right to do that. She didn't care what her son saw. So when she grabbed her son (who was bawling and terrified by this point) to leave the dad was trying to get her to calm down before she floored the suv. So she hit him. In front of their child.... this is just one instance.

and You are right, I found out today that the tags can not be ran. Which is fine.

Bottom line since most of you can't see past the other info I put on here and would like to put me as a crazy jealous new wife and have no idea the entire story (the father is the good guy here)...I guess I should have just simply put as my question(S)......

"How can you go about proving that "Overnight Guest Moral Clause" is being broken? Can proving it be done? -------with a PI or can you collect your own info with pics or video. Is that legal? Or is that stalking? The last thing we want to do is fuel her fire.

I don't care who she does or how many she does...she just doesn't need to have the son there when she does it. She does not respect her son.

 

[summerdawn]

wow, your responses are amazing... can I have my ass back now??

I apologize for not espressing myself better or that I can't spell a few words. I was in a hurry this morning so I didn't miss work.

here is the quote Reguarding "overnight guests"

"Neither party shall have overnight guests to which they are not related by blood or marriage and with whom they are engaged in a relationship of romantic, personal, or sexual nature at any time during which the minor child is in their physical custody. For the purposes of the agreement, the terms "overnight" shall be defined as between the hours of 10pm and 8am."

BLOOD OR MARRIAGE....I may be in Mississippi but incest is not the case People. I can be here when he is here. The reason that it is so upsetting is because The entire time I was dating My now hubby, I LEFT before 10PM. My question was in the best interest of my step son. I didn't expect to be attacked. Again, you will bring up that this is the words of an 8 year old, but he has told his father that his mother calls him "a little *******" and the worst one is "a little N-word", among other things that he is stupid if he doesn't get something right the first time. More to the story, if you care to read it....The mother is white (so am I) and the father is Half white and half black. She has left voicemails calling him (the dad) the N-word. She left those voicemails willingly, she knew she was being recorded. She has ran into the father with her SUV knocking him down to the ground all while their son was in the passenger seat screaming "don't hurt my daddy". The police were called and the 8 year old was pulled to the side and asked what happened. "my mommy tried to hurt my daddy." Did your dad hit your mom? No, my mom hit my daddy. This was after she forced herself into his home to see if he had someone there..... I might add that she brought the son to the door as he was with her at the time. Which is why he opened the door to begin with. His son started taking off his coat thinking he was staying at his dad's house and then the doo-doo hit the fan. that's when she starting go through his home looking for someone to be there screaming at the top of her lungs. She had no right to do that. She didn't care what her son saw. So when she grabbed her son (who was bawling and terrified by this point) to leave the dad was trying to get her to calm down before she floored the suv. So she hit him. In front of their child.... this is just one instance.

and You are right, I found out today that the tags can not be ran. Which is fine.

Bottom line since most of you can't see past the other info I put on here and would like to put me as a crazy jealous new wife and have no idea the entire story (the father is the good guy here)...I guess I should have just simply put as my question(S)......

"How can you go about proving that "Overnight Guest Moral Clause" is being broken? Can proving it be done? -------with a PI or can you collect your own info with pics or video. Is that legal? Or is that stalking? The last thing we want to do is fuel her fire.

I don't care who she does or how many she does...she just doesn't need to have the son there when she does it. She does not respect her son.

This statement makes you sound very petty. I think you may be going about this for the wrong reasons. If the father is concerned for the child he should pursue whatever course he feels like pursuing-but simply "OMG *I* had to go home at 10pm and THEY aren't." sounds kind of childish...

 

[Isis1]

so having sex in the house with a child is disrespectful? really? but only in the hours of 8am to 10pm it's okay?

like you were told, mom may get a "don't do that again" by the judge. is it worth it?

are you seriously going to stake out her home to try to get her on as many contempt charges as possible? do you really have that much free time in your life?

 

[f8al2u]

I would also like to point out that breaking a clause like that is generally not grounds for a change in custody....at least not all by itself. Dad could spend a ton of money on a PI only to have the judge just give mom a slap on the wrist.

Thank you, that's really all I was asking for. your advice is appreciated on this situation, not to be scolded like a little kid. I came here for help not to make people feel like they had to prove they were better or smarter.

 

[AHA]

Thank you, that's really all I was asking for. your advice is appreciated on this situation, not to be scolded like a little kid. I came here for help not to make people feel like they had to prove they were better or smarter.

It shouldn't have to take 3 pages to get the full (or actually just one side's) story though!

 

[f8al2u]

so having sex in the house with a child is disrespectful? really? but only in the hours of 8am to 10pm it's okay?

like you were told, mom may get a "don't do that again" by the judge. is it worth it?

are you seriously going to stake out her home to try to get her on as many contempt charges as possible? do you really have that much free time in your life?

it is disrespectful for her to violate the clause while her son is present in the home after 10pm. She can get it on all she wants to...but the visitor should be leaving at 10pm like the papers say.

maybe you should re-word what you wrote: "so having sex in the house with a child is disrespecful"

Gee I wonder if you get jumped for that statement. (of course i knew WHAT you meant.)

when i wrote she does not respect her son, i was also referring to how she treats him by calling him names and so on.

 

[f8al2u]

This statement makes you sound very petty. I think you may be going about this for the wrong reasons. If the father is concerned for the child he should pursue whatever course he feels like pursuing-but simply "OMG *I* had to go home at 10pm and THEY aren't." sounds kind of childish...

BLOOD OR MARRIAGE....I may be in Mississippi but incest is not the case People. I can be here when he is here. The reason that it is so upsetting is because The entire time I was dating My now hubby, I LEFT before 10PM.

it is upsetting to me....I had enough respect for him and his son to leave before 10pm when he had him so that no trouble would be caused and he could loose his custody. She stated that since he and i are now married, that is doesn't apply to her.....am I wrong when this is what the papers say??????:


"Neither party shall have overnight guests to which they are not related by blood or marriage and with whom they are engaged in a relationship of romantic, personal, or sexual nature at any time during which the minor child is in their physical custody. For the purposes of the agreement, the terms "overnight" shall be defined as between the hours of 10pm and 8am."

she thinks that no rules apply to her. Only him.

 

[Isis1]

it is disrespectful for her to violate the clause while her son is present in the home after 10pm. She can get it on all she wants to...but the visitor should be leaving at 10pm like the papers say.

maybe you should re-word what you wrote: "so having sex in the house with a child is disrespecful"

Gee I wonder if you get jumped for that statement. (of course i knew WHAT you meant.)

when i wrote she does not respect her son, i was also referring to how she treats him by calling him names and so on.

why did you not mention this the first time you posted? why leave that out till now? does dad care enough to get his son into some type of therapy? what has dad actually done for himself?

 

[penelope10]

O.K. so you stuck by the rules spelled out in the order and Mom didn't. Not trying to say that Mom's a model citizen herself, but I think this is what is really chapping you. Somebody brought up a good point. Does Hubby really want to waste time and energy over something like this when Mom may just ultimately get a slap on the wrist in court. And if Mom behaves badly towards Hubby now, how do you think she's going to act afterwards? Is this the hill Hubby should die on?

Now if Mom is denying Dad his visitation Dad certainly should be doing something about it. He needs to send Mom correspondence when this happens. If need be spell out to her what the decree states regarding visitation. And he needs to keep a copy of this correspondence when and if he takes Mom back to court.

Now about kiddo talking to Dad negatively about Mom. Sometimes this should fall under a judgment call. Is this the truth, or a partial truth? Is kiddo reporting stuff like this to get Dad's approval? I really dislike it when kiddos are stuck in the middle of two warring parents. And BOTH of these folks could be sweet as sugar in regards to everyone else other than the ex. Doesn't mean it's right if the kiddo feels compelled to tell the other parent about each and every little infraction done by Mom or Dad.

Who knows maybe kiddo goes home and says stuff about you and Dad to Mom...Wouldn't you like for her to have the capacity to make a judgment call as to what might be truth and what might be fiction?

I mean if Mom were truly an abusive beetch why didn't he gain sole custody in the first place?

 

[f8al2u]

why did you not mention this the first time you posted? why leave that out till now? does dad care enough to get his son into some type of therapy? what has dad actually done for himself?

He took him to a, i guess you would call a counseltation, forget my spelling please...to see if he needed regular therapy. My husbands job provides free counseling. For all of them. The Mom, him and the son... When the therapists said yes the son was in definate need of therapy he called the mother and she went nuts. She refuses to let the 8 year old see a therapist.
He tried to get his son the therapy when there was obviously something bothering him. He was almost 8 at this time...and he took a trick-or-treat pumpkin and crapped in it big time. Then he hid it in his closet at his mom's home. She flipped out when she found out what the smell was.. This is when she told my hubby that she was finding his underwear under the bed full of crap on a few occasions and that he started wearing 2 pair of underwear. He was doing this while he was at him mom's!
Yet she thinks he doesn't need to talk to someone outside of the situation completely that he can trust. It makes you wonder why he wouldn't just go into the bathroom. Why would he do that? He has never done that with his dad. So like i said the concern is for the son!!

is someone suddenly preventing him from going to the bathroom at his mom's? A visitor? Because this just starting a few months ago. So there is a reason for my husband to be concerned...and me too!! I love this little kid, he is smart, loving and great to be around. I don't want him to be called names that make him cry or to be insulted all the time. It eats me up that he is such a great kid and he gets done the way he gets done.
it has everything to do with how she treats him...and what he is getting exposed to.
it's not about me being jealous or being a superstepmommy, come on people...

 

[ErinGoBragh]

He took him to a, i guess you would call a counseltation, forget my spelling please...to see if he needed regular therapy. My husbands job provides free counseling. For all of them. The Mom, him and the son... When the therapists said yes the son was in definate need of therapy he called the mother and she went nuts. She refuses to let the 8 year old see a therapist.
He tried to get his son the therapy when there was obviously something bothering him. He was almost 8 at this time...and he took a trick-or-treat pumpkin and crapped in it big time. Then he hid it in his closet at his mom's home. She flipped out when she found out what the smell was.. This is when she told my hubby that she was finding his underwear under the bed full of crap on a few occasions and that he started wearing 2 pair of underwear. He was doing this while he was at him mom's!
Yet she thinks he doesn't need to talk to someone outside of the situation completely that he can trust. It makes you wonder why he wouldn't just go into the bathroom. Why would he do that? He has never done that with his dad. So like i said the concern is for the son!!

is someone suddenly preventing him from going to the bathroom at his mom's? A visitor? Because this just starting a few months ago. So there is a reason for my husband to be concerned...and me too!! I love this little kid, he is smart, loving and great to be around. I don't want him to be called names that make him cry or to be insulted all the time. It eats me up that he is such a great kid and he gets done the way he gets done.
it has everything to do with how she treats him...and what he is getting exposed to.
it's not about me being jealous or being a superstepmommy, come on people...

Just for the record, this can be bratty kid behavior. I have a friend who is a stepmom, kids can't stand her because her husband enforces rules now more since the marraige than ever before (and he was extremely lax). The youngest (also 8) will go and just pee in the closets, and hide the rubber sheet sheet from her so she doesn't find it until he's gone, even though she doesn't get upset at the bedwetting itself.

So sometimes a warning sign, but not always.

 

[stealth2]

O.K. so you stuck by the rules spelled out in the order and Mom didn't.

But OP doesn't even KNOW that Mom hasn't! (Aside from the fact that it is NONE of OP's business - she is not a party to the order, she is not the child's parent. She IS a legal stranger who needs to butt out.)

I have several close friends who are of the opposite gender - none of whom I'm " engaged in a relationship of romantic, personal, or sexual nature" with. We're friends. And sometimes, since a few of them live out of state, they will come to visit and *gasp* stay overnight. In my house. In a bed. In a bedroom. SOMETIMES, even in MY bedroom (and I sleep on the sofa with the hounds). HORRORS! My KIDS are even home! Sleeping in their own rooms or camping out with me. Yeah - there's a strange car in my driveway. And nothing at all is going on except some friends are getting together to chew the fat. *WOW* That's really radical. I'd love for the kids' other parent to make something of THAT.

Seriously, OP - get a life. You sorely need one.

 

[Silverplum]

(and I sleep on the sofa with the hounds)

A most excellent way to spend the night!

SP: "mom" of 3 hounds

 

[Isis1]

He took him to a, i guess you would call a counseltation, forget my spelling please...to see if he needed regular therapy. My husbands job provides free counseling. For all of them. The Mom, him and the son... When the therapists said yes the son was in definate need of therapy he called the mother and she went nuts. She refuses to let the 8 year old see a therapist.
He tried to get his son the therapy when there was obviously something bothering him. He was almost 8 at this time...and he took a trick-or-treat pumpkin and crapped in it big time. Then he hid it in his closet at his mom's home. She flipped out when she found out what the smell was.. This is when she told my hubby that she was finding his underwear under the bed full of crap on a few occasions and that he started wearing 2 pair of underwear. He was doing this while he was at him mom's!
Yet she thinks he doesn't need to talk to someone outside of the situation completely that he can trust. It makes you wonder why he wouldn't just go into the bathroom. Why would he do that? He has never done that with his dad. So like i said the concern is for the son!!

is someone suddenly preventing him from going to the bathroom at his mom's? A visitor? Because this just starting a few months ago. So there is a reason for my husband to be concerned...and me too!! I love this little kid, he is smart, loving and great to be around. I don't want him to be called names that make him cry or to be insulted all the time. It eats me up that he is such a great kid and he gets done the way he gets done.
it has everything to do with how she treats him...and what he is getting exposed to.
it's not about me being jealous or being a superstepmommy, come on people...

if DAD thought this behavior was serious, why did he not take it to court to have therapy implemented in the court order? or did DAD just let go of the issue because it wasn't THAT important to him?

 

[f8al2u]

O.K. so you stuck by the rules spelled out in the order and Mom didn't. Not trying to say that Mom's a model citizen herself, but I think this is what is really chapping you. Somebody brought up a good point. Does Hubby really want to waste time and energy over something like this when Mom may just ultimately get a slap on the wrist in court. And if Mom behaves badly towards Hubby now, how do you think she's going to act afterwards? Is this the hill Hubby should die on?


point taken...he doesn't want to waste time and energy on it if it gets him nowhere closer to having his son live here and visit her. He wanted to know how he can get evidence..legally to file for contempt if this keeps happening "if indeed it is"....

Now if Mom is denying Dad his visitation Dad certainly should be doing something about it. He needs to send Mom correspondence when this happens. If need be spell out to her what the decree states regarding visitation. And he needs to keep a copy of this correspondence when and if he takes Mom back to court.

he has started documenting all the times she has refused him to talk to his son... by this i do not mean times she just simply hasn't answered the phone. That occasion happens both ways. I'm talking about the times she has said "hell no, you ain't talking to him tonight" Click. When he could here in the background his son crying "Daddy,...Daddy" because he apparantly had just gotten in trouble over there.
Now about kiddo talking to Dad negatively about Mom. Sometimes this should fall under a judgment call. Is this the truth, or a partial truth? Is kiddo reporting stuff like this to get Dad's approval? I really dislike it when kiddos are stuck in the middle of two warring parents. And BOTH of these folks could be sweet as sugar in regards to everyone else other than the ex. Doesn't mean it's right if the kiddo feels compelled to tell the other parent about each and every little infraction done by Mom or Dad.

We don't ask him a lot of questions. ONLY when he brings up something himself, for example " mommy and me and (some man) went to eat at (someplace we are driving by at that moment and it reminds him) and then we went home." To which a reply would be "was he nice to you?" "yeah, kinda...he kept saying my name wrong"
Who knows maybe kiddo goes home and says stuff about you and Dad to Mom...Wouldn't you like for her to have the capacity to make a judgment call as to what might be truth and what might be fiction?

[I]to reply to this part.....the son says that he hates going home at first because "mommy asks me a lot of questions all the time." "I can't answer them right for her." " she gets mad when i don't answer"

I mean if Mom were truly an abusive beetch why didn't he gain sole custody in the first place?

[/I]she had the nastiest lawyer in the area...and she is a woman and a mother.... He unfortunately had the worst lawyer in the area....of course he didn't know that at the time. his attorney was a joke. He thought he was lucky to get joint legal custody...He was saving up money to retain another attorney when she finally agreed to the joint legal. She wanted full custody and he was not about to give his son up.