Grandmas husband trying to put her in a home!

[commentator]

The reality of putting your grandma "in a home" may actually be the best possible placement for her. As I was long ago reminded by someone about eldercare, 'it's cheaper to keep her (at home)" If your grandmother goes into a nursing facility with Medicaid, they'll get her entire monthly income, plus they'll entail any assets and any property she may own. The husband would be much better off financially just letting her die quick iand being neglected in their home if that was his intention. And if she's in bad enough shape to need skilled nursing, is incontinent, is not in her right mind always and might have an accident, wander off or do herself harm. there is absolutely too much of a job for one person to handle alone.

It seems that relatives who don't live in the home always have a whole lot of opinions about how the principal caregiver is doing. But if your grandmother's husband does not want the job of caregiver, he is fully authorized to look for her care outside her own home. And I have news for it, you can ask anybody, anybody, "Do you want to go to a home, Grandma?" and heck, you are going to get a " NO I want to stay here in my own home!" Of course there is the unsaid part of this which is that they also want to be in good health, have their years back to do over, and a lot more money. Being in a care facility may be wonderful for Grandma. It may be the best possible option for her. Away from all the domestic drama.

 

[stealth2]

The reality of putting your grandma "in a home" may actually be the best possible placement for her. As I was long ago reminded by someone about eldercare, 'it's cheaper to keep her (at home)" If your grandmother goes into a nursing facility with Medicaid, they'll get her entire monthly income, plus they'll entail any assets and any property she may own. The husband would be much better off financially just letting her die quick iand being neglected in their home if that was his intention. And if she's in bad enough shape to need skilled nursing, is incontinent, is not in her right mind always and might have an accident, wander off or do herself harm. there is absolutely too much of a job for one person to handle alone.

It seems that relatives who don't live in the home always have a whole lot of opinions about how the principal caregiver is doing. But if your grandmother's husband does not want the job of caregiver, he is fully authorized to look for her care outside her own home. And I have news for it, you can ask anybody, anybody, "Do you want to go to a home, Grandma?" and heck, you are going to get a " NO I want to stay here in my own home!" Of course there is the unsaid part of this which is that they also want to be in good health, have their years back to do over, and a lot more money. Being in a care facility may be wonderful for Grandma. It may be the best possible option for her. Away from all the domestic drama.

I really can't disagree with most of what you say @commentator. As the sole 24/7 caregiver for Mom (and both her/Dad prior), it can often be overwhelming. Those who are not there Full Time truly don't "get it", as much as they may think they understand. Sometimes, being able to be present as spouse, child, grandchild, etc. without having to do the heavy lifting is a blessing for all.

I will, however, disagree with your "do you want to go to a home?" thing... I have told both of my kids and their partners that - if I *ever* get as bad as Mom? - put me in a home. A bed and three meals/day is fine, nothing fancy needed, come see me. But do not sacrifice your lives for me. Alternatively? Take me to Alaska, lets find an ice floe (if they still exist) and shove hard. Let me go. I will never subject my kids to this.

 

[Zigner]

I have told both of my kids and their partners that - if I *ever* get as bad as Mom? - put me in a home. A bed and three meals/day is fine, nothing fancy needed, come see me. But do not sacrifice your lives for me.

My grandmother just yesterday said the same thing to me. She had her mother with her for many years and doesn't want her kids to worry about that.

 

[Ohiogal]

Stealth and Zig ... I only your posts because liking them seemed wrong but I agree.

 

[Zigner]

My grandmother just yesterday said the same thing to me. She had her mother with her for many years and doesn't want her kids to worry about that.

Thanks OG. She didn't say it in a way that felt sad - just practical. She said she'd be perfectly happy in a "nursing home". She is sharp as a tack and still in physically decent shape, especially for a person her age.

 

[stealth2]

My grandmother just yesterday said the same thing to me. She had her mother with her for many years and doesn't want her kids to worry about that.

I specifically told them all four together, figuring at least one would remember.

 

[stealth2]

Stealth and Zig ... I only your posts because liking them seemed wrong but I agree.

Like away! I'm blessed in knowing that they *would* care for me. Which is why I want them to know I don't want that for them. I will care for myself as long as possible. And then it's done. No qualms.

 

[Ilynat]

Really? And you have observed this in the whopping 24 hours that you have been a member? How many threads have you read to come to this conclusion?

I’ve been on here for a couple years. This is just a new profile.

 

[Ilynat]

Protect your family? In what way is anyone in your family (with the possible exception of your grandmother) in need of protection?

Regardless of how you answer that, the only possible things you can do about your grandmother's situation are (1) contact elder abuse authorities in your grandmother's county of residence, and (2) seek to establish a conseravorship over your grandmother. If you want to go with option #2, you'll need to consult with an attorney.

Out of curiosity, if your grandmother agrees with you, why doesn't she hire an attorney to file for divorce and seek a restraining order to get her husband out of the house? Is the house in her name only or both of their names jointly?



Well...what you described is assault/battery, and he was the victim. So what's the problem with this?



You want to "make" (i.e., force) her to sign something? Isn't that charming? You can ask her to sign anything you like, but the decision to do so or not to do so is entirely hers.



No one here has the slightest idea what abilities you have.



And they've done nothing? If that's the case, then maybe there's nothing to be done here and your allegations to the contrary don't withstand scrutiny. I make this point because we are all complete strangers to the situation. We don't know who's right and who's wrong. Just because you've made allegations doesn't mean we must blindly assume them to be true. When you add that objective authorities are doing nothing in response to your allegations, that strongly suggests that things are not as bad as you allege.

As stated above we already did #1 and they will be contacting us in a couple days. #2 is in the process now.
Thank you when my grandma was able she asked me to take her to the police station because she knew he was going to try to pull this soon she tried to get a restraining order but as I’m sure your know how the police works... they told her when he hits her or does something to her to call 911 right away so they can then take a report. They couldn’t do anything for her at that time.

my grandma tells us and agrees but honestly she’s not able to hire an attorney and do all that herself.

we don’t want him out the house we don’t need anything from him but to let my grandma spend her last remaining days, month, years. In her home.

 

[Just Blue]

I’ve been on here for a couple years. This is just a new profile.

Really? What was your old user name? Why aren't you using that name?

 

[Ilynat]

The reality of putting your grandma "in a home" may actually be the best possible placement for her. As I was long ago reminded by someone about eldercare, 'it's cheaper to keep her (at home)" If your grandmother goes into a nursing facility with Medicaid, they'll get her entire monthly income, plus they'll entail any assets and any property she may own. The husband would be much better off financially just letting her die quick iand being neglected in their home if that was his intention. And if she's in bad enough shape to need skilled nursing, is incontinent, is not in her right mind always and might have an accident, wander off or do herself harm. there is absolutely too much of a job for one person to handle alone.

It seems that relatives who don't live in the home always have a whole lot of opinions about how the principal caregiver is doing. But if your grandmother's husband does not want the job of caregiver, he is fully authorized to look for her care outside her own home. And I have news for it, you can ask anybody, anybody, "Do you want to go to a home, Grandma?" and heck, you are going to get a " NO I want to stay here in my own home!" Of course there is the unsaid part of this which is that they also want to be in good health, have their years back to do over, and a lot more money. Being in a care facility may be wonderful for Grandma. It may be the best possible option for her. Away from all the domestic drama.

Here’s the thing he literally does not care for her at all we are always there for her my mother especially. Sleeps by her every night does everything for her. She basically does live there. We’re her caregivers and the city even hired someone for her and what does he do he fires her. It’s like he doesn’t have to worry about watching her because honestly he doesn’t but he doesn’t want her family watching over her. If worst comes to worst then yes I guess she would have to be in a home but all we want is for her to be able to be around her family. Like is that wrong to want to watch after your grandma/mom?

Can we move her in with us? Or would he be able to still take her?

 

[Ilynat]

I forgot my email for my old account.

 

[Just Blue]

I forgot my email for my old account.

What was the user name?

 

[Ilynat]

I am not bullying anyone. I stated facts. You had a tantrum like a toddler. More facts. That makes you appear ignorant (which means you don't know) so why don't you educate yourself? If you choose not to educate yourself, that makes you stupid. But hey, keep doing you and don't grow and learn. Be stagnant. You are lucky your mother was not arrested.

Do you want to arrest my mom yourself?

 

[Ilynat]

What was the user name?

I honestly do not remember, wish I did.