Another update:
Schedule agreed to a week ago today. Only top schedule (June) was signed by her (oversight, not b/c she didn't agree) so DH had Mom signed the other 2 month's schedules specifically when he picked DD up last Thu PM.
The exchange back to Mom was to be this morning (Mon) and Dad called Mom yesterday afternoon to remind her of this so she wouldn’t accidentally show up on Sunday night like she would during school year. That started an argument with Mom where she wanted to put 13yoDD in the middle to decide. Ultimately DH told Mom they were leaving the agreed to schedule as is and he would bring DD back in the morning and DD was fine with it. DH also asked DD later to call her Mom to let her know she wanted to stay as her mom didn’t seem to want to believe DH. It's all a lot of drama over nothing. DH had let Mom know that he thought DD was afraid to tell her for fear of what her reaction would be and to not put her in the middle. Anyway, DD did call her Mom and told her she wanted to stay and we enjoyed the rest of the visit together Sunday evening and DH brought DD home this morning. Mom had already left for work when DH dropped DD off and DD had only been home less than 20 minutes when DH got this voice mail from Mom:
Hey Dad, it’s Mom, um, I just wanted to say, I’ll, I’ll shoot you an email with the details but um after your really really dishonest and deceitful practices, I’m going back to, um, what’s legal in our decree and that’s my weekends and my vacation time so for the rest of the summer, I don’t care if DD wants to stay all week when it’s not my weekend and it’s not my vacation time, it’s totally up to you two to work that out, she said that you lied, she never told you at all last night that she was afraid to tell me, so that’s you putting words in her mouth again, but um I’m keeping my weekends and keeping my vacation time, yours and mine included, you have her 4 nights this weekend, I get nothing next weekend, Father’s Day being your day and she’s at girl’s camp so I’m keeping her on the 14th , you can have her at 9AM on Father’s Day just like the decree says, um, not willing to cooperate with you, at all, if you, if you can’t work and be more honest, you know you carry on about how I’m so dishonest, and talk about calling the kettle black, so, um, Sunday at 9 you can pick her up and then your normal vacation time after that will be fine and, you know, same with the weekend in July, you’re not taking my weekend so that’s pretty much black and white. You want to be legal, we’ll be legal. Any other time, she’s welcome to decide for herself.
*****
She didn't send DH the email she said she would, but DH emailed her this evening and sent her a text to please check her email and he hoped they could work it out.
This is the email:
Summer Parenting Schedule
Mom,
I received your voice mail this morning.
Again, our court order filed 9/2000 states:
Father shall be allowed two (2) weeks of uninterrupted vacation time with the children during the year, as well as up to one-half (1/2) the children's summer vacation time according to what he can fit into his schedule.
As you are aware, it's been a difficult process trying to establish a summer schedule that complies with this provision for my parenting time. It's been an uphill battle all the way because you seem to think you can decide how much time I get in the summertime and after we had an agreement thoroughly discussed and signed off, you are already unilaterally deciding to cancel it. However, you cannot cancel the provision that gives me up to one-half of DD's summer vacation time and again in your voice mail today you are talking in terms of "your weekend" and "my weekend" based on the school-year 1st/3rd weekend parenting time I have when it's been made clear repeatedly and the court order cited what the summer parenting time share is supposed to be. See above -- it's there again for you to review.
I thought we had an agreement. Granted, I had to settle for only 43% time this summer when I made it known I planned to exercise the full 50%. And, even with an agreement we both signed, I cannot get you to abide by the agreement, even within a week of signing it, you have started several disagreements over it and continue to assert your view that it's DD's choice how and when you comply with the court order as you stated again in your voice mail this morning.
This limbo is not good for anyone and so this is the choice at this point:
1. Sign a stipulation and order agreeing to the schedule we both already signed and file it with the court. The stipulation was already prepared, but can't be attached here so I have attached a text document with what the main body of the stipulation says.
OR
2. I will return to court to remedy the violations of the court order for the summer provisions.
If you wish to pursue #1, please let me know and we will meet at a CREDIT UNION at 4:45PM tomorrow, Tuesday, LOCATION. I chose that location because it's close to you and should be on your way home. Or we can meet at the one across from ANOTHER LOCATION.
Even if we are able to get a stipulation and order filed, I must re-state as I have before that it is inappropriate to continue putting DD in the middle to make a choice about when she comes for parenting times. DD enjoys the time she spends with us as I'm sure she enjoys the time she spends with you. Don't make her feel guilty or bad about it, she is afforded a lot of privilege and opportunity by being able to be part of both families and experiences. Please just allow the court order to be followed and allow DD the privilege of being part of two families that both love and care for her.
Regards,
Dad
*****
I'm a pessimist and never thought Mom would behave. I felt that DH should have gone by what Mom already did and just pursue it through court. DH really wanted to try to work something out and he thought they had after an arduous process. We were investigating getting a stipulation put together and had just found the forms online to do that when this happened and she's obviously way off course again. At least now DH knows he has no other choice if she doesn't sign the stipulation. *sigh*