Is there such a thing as third part interference regarding step parents?

[commentator]

Forget "polite." I suspect you are already far too polite for your own good. Be brief and firm! Remove the words, "I'm sorry but...." from this type of conversation completely. I used to work with an attorney who would say, when asked the question "How do I tell him....?"

"Use SIMPLE ENGLISH SENTENCES." The "broken record" technique works, though that phrase is so dated it probably won't be recognized. Just state what you need to say. Then stop. Don't be goaded. This is a practiced bossy mean person who's used to verbally dominating people because they give her the cues she has learned to use to steamroller them. Don't. Expect attack, be prepared to respond correctly, which is NOT to respond. No one can verbally abuse you without your cooperation and consent. Don't play the game with them.

 

[mhb3]

I'm sorry for the abundance of posts/questions, and greatly appreciate the feedback. Its very evident that I have been a "push over" for lack of a better term with this boundary situation and in turn fueled the fire. Now my goal is to change my mentality, stick to my guns and communicate differently. So here we go with another question. Just got another response from dad.

"As for the communication, that's fine us soley communicating back and forth but Step mom can communicate all she wants to her teachers and the counselors. She can and should be attending the meetings regarding our daughter. She is around our daughter all the time so if we are doing this for the benefit of our daughter it makes sense to keep her tuned in to what her teachers are saying about her"

I don't have a problem with step mom attending meetings, etc. but don't think that she should be the one communicating to the school staff as sometimes these conversations involve decisions and my daughters well being. I think thats the job of her parents and that its dads job to keep step mom in the loop. It's probably the selfish side of me but when reading this I automatically think if Dad can't handle communicating with me and the school staff, whats the point in in split physical custody during the school week if step mom communicating with the staff is required??? Am I wrong?? HELP!!

 

[HRZ]

Baloney! SM is a legal stranger to the child and has just about the same legal rights to communicate with child's teacher and counselors as I do....ZERO. .now if Dad wants his current wife and her sisters to joint him at some school function that's different ..

 

[stealth2]

My kids'schools always knew that if Dad had questions? They were to give him any and all information that I would be entitled to. And if he didn't receive it? I'd be opening a can of whoop-ass on them. But, we were the parents and I would not welcome them discussing our children with others - be it friends (or their parents), my parents, my siblings, doctors, coaches or stepparents.

 

[Zigner]

Dad can authorize her to communicate with the school, including some decision-making, on his behalf. Basically, she has power of attorney.

 

[Zigner]

Baloney! SM is a legal stranger to the child and has just about the same legal rights to communicate with child's teacher and counselors as I do....ZERO. .now if Dad wants his current wife and her sisters to joint him at some school function that's different ..

Not true - dad can authorize this.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm sorry for the abundance of posts/questions, and greatly appreciate the feedback. Its very evident that I have been a "push over" for lack of a better term with this boundary situation and in turn fueled the fire. Now my goal is to change my mentality, stick to my guns and communicate differently. So here we go with another question. Just got another response from dad.

"As for the communication, that's fine us soley communicating back and forth but Step mom can communicate all she wants to her teachers and the counselors. She can and should be attending the meetings regarding our daughter. She is around our daughter all the time so if we are doing this for the benefit of our daughter it makes sense to keep her tuned in to what her teachers are saying about her"

I don't have a problem with step mom attending meetings, etc. but don't think that she should be the one communicating to the school staff as sometimes these conversations involve decisions and my daughters well being. I think thats the job of her parents and that its dads job to keep step mom in the loop. It's probably the selfish side of me but when reading this I automatically think if Dad can't handle communicating with me and the school staff, whats the point in in split physical custody during the school week if step mom communicating with the staff is required??? Am I wrong?? HELP!!

In my opinion you are not wrong at all. However, I would suggest for the future that you ask for your own separate conferences with teachers and counselors and let dad and his wife have their own separate ones. I would tell dad that its his job to keep stepmom in the loop if he wants her in the loop but that if she insists on being present that in the future that will mean that you and he will have separate conferences etc. That you are happy to co-parent with dad but that you do not intend to co-parent with his wife, just as your husband doesn't insist on co-parenting with dad.

 

[HRZ]

Others may be partially correct...Dad could create a POA under GA law notarized and filed with probate court for SM to act in his behalf for a minor child ...but that is not what OP posted...and as a layman I would agrue Dad cannot grant powers in excess of those he holds pursuant to the order ...and the order sort of gives Mom the final say as to any decision making ?

 

[Zigner]

Others may be partially correct...Dad could create a POA under GA law notarized and filed with probate court for SM to act in his behalf for a minor child ...but that is not what OP posted...and as a layman I would agrue Dad cannot grant powers in excess of those he holds pursuant to the order ...and the order sort of gives Mom the final say as to any decision making ?

Dad does not have to do a formal POA. Dan can authorize SM to communicate with the school without one. I was using the POA just to illustrate the basic concept.

I agree that he cannot grant SM authority beyond that which he holds.

 

[HRZ]

As a parent I would raise heck with school if they were communicating with some legal stranger about my child absent written authorization to do so ...and I'd go inspect and copy any such written authorization . The GA law provides one way for parent to so grant it....anything else..."depends" Schools learn quickly to duck being in midddle and insist on proper steps ..find out what is mandated locally !

and I'd probably put a copy of the order into child's school files if possible

 

[Zigner]

As a parent I would raise heck with school if they were communicating with some legal stranger about my child absent written authorization to do so ...

Then you'd be barking up the wrong tree. Sorry.

 

[mhb3]

Still not sure what to do, or how to respond?? Looked up FERPA in Georgia and it appears she can do this with written permission from dad, but the intent is for cases when parent is absent??

I could see it being necessary in the event he traveled for work or was out of town during his time for whatever reason, but only for that time. It's as if dad doesnt have to be "dad" because step mom is doing it all on dads time. Again maybe my perception is wrong.

The point/ problem I see in this is that part of the constant overstepping, manipulation, and confusion with step mom stems from school communication. Conversations are had concerning my daughters well being and I'm told later when she feels like it, or not at all. I really don't think dad is kept in the loop 100% either as she literally does everything when my daughter is with them.

 

[Zigner]

You should speak with the school administration about your concerns.

 

[mhb3]

Thanks Zigner, that's probably my best option.

 

[HRZ]

FERPA is primarily focused on records as they apply to educational process.

I read OP in context that Dad is sending SM to parent teacher conferences ...and that's a different set of issues . Dad could show up at a conference with a "friend" in tow if school allows same...but Dad should NOT be able to send a "friend" to anything that involves a possible decision

I would not merely talk to administrators...if there is anything less than crystal clear I'd go inspect my child's educational records .