Moving from Georgia

[GaMom0177]

There is nothing in my divorce about relocating.

I dont' know if there is a standard procedure in Georgia and was asking here for legal advice about it because of what I had read regarding another mom here. My ex and I had discussed it several times before and agreed prior to my posting. I just wanted to make sure we were covered because you never know what the future brings. While I was at it I asked for helpful ideas on this situation.

 

[Silverplum]

Silver, I have posted both ways on move aways, depending on what reasons are presented. When someone is wanting to move so that they can EAT and KEEP A ROOF over their heads, that is considering the 'best interest' of the children.

The key is the REASONS WHY they want to move away. This mom has worked to foster a relationship with the girls and their father. She's willing to work out a parenting plan. Communication is happening PRIOR to the move. She's willing to go thru the proper channels.

I am one of those move-away moms. The economic reality was that I could NOT provide a proper home for the children I had custody of where I lived. Michigan is at the BOTTOM of the jobs in the US. Sometimes, we all have to sacrifice for the children's sake.

Indeed.

What bothers me here, among other things, is OP's blind (ill-educated, myopic) theory that GIRLS belong with their MOMS.

And I still don't like moveaways. My right. Still, even in 2007, WIMMINS have rights.

 

[Silverplum]

My Mom, too, Nexie, and my Dad, too.

Love my Mom to pieces, but she did not *make* me. My Dad is the one who made time to understand me, as I am. Not as I *could be* or *should be*, but as I am; and he was also the one who encouraged me to be all I could be.

I miss him.

BULL! Being the "same sex parent" does NOT make you MORE important to a young or teen girl!!!!!

My mom was wonderful - as a mother. However, she was herself unaware of what she COULDN'T provide me. As a person who had never had a sense of not fitting in, she never understood the angst of feeling left out. She also never had the same "You can do ANYTHING you put your mind to . . ." attitude. THAT came from DAD. THANK G-D dad was there all the time to make me feel special, to make me feel that I should never allow myself to "settle", that I should strive to be financially independent. Ultimately, it was dad who was my biggest inspiration. I don't know where I'd be today if he hadn't been PHYSICALLY around, to sit and talk to, to surprise me when I was feeling down by taking me to a folk music or jazz concert, to inspire me to study philosophy so he and I could debate it, and so on. Mom was more obsessed with having the perfect, clean and orderly house and just couldn't see the importance of what dad was inspiring in me.

My point is that a mom can't KNOW that HER presence is MORE formative or important than dad's is. It was Dad who made me truly believe I could do ANYTHING.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Silver, you do have a right to your opinion. I temper your statement that we cannot carte blanche name every daddy or mommy the best thing from sliced bread.

Luckily in this day and age, we have planes and all sorts of technology that allows us to remain in contact with the other parent.

 

[Silverplum]

Silver, you do have a right to your opinion.

OMG!!!!
Thank you for being the ONLY ONE who can recognize that right of mine!

I temper your statement that we cannot carte blanche name every daddy or mommy the best thing from sliced bread.

No, of course not.
Unless one is Stupid.

Luckily in this day and age, we have planes and all sorts of technology that allows us to remain in contact with the other parent.

Which is why the moving parent should be quite happy that they are able to stay in nice contact with their children.

 

[GaMom0177]

In response to Nextwife...I was not saying that based only on gender. If you read...my ex even concedes that my relationship is better with them...that was the part where I said I spend more time with them. Both children have expressed wanting to live with me. That is a direct result of the better relationship, the more understanding, AS WELL AS being a female and knowing what its like. Their father has no idea what pms does to a person. He reacts badly to it. Their father reacts badly when they cry for days about a boyfriend dumping them. He thinks they should be able to forget it. He doesn't understand that at 11 and 14 that is a big thing in their world. He has come to that understanding through hours of us talking. That even though it is small potatoes to him because he has larger things to worry about (like bills) it is a huge thing to them. It's one of the biggest in their experience thus far. When my daughter made A-B honor roll the first time ever...he did tell her he was proud of her. When she told me I jumped up and down with her. We had both reinforced that she was capable of it before it eventuated. The point is...I'm not saying that because I am female I'm more important. I'm saying that as their mother I spent more time with them and developing them and in conjunction with that....I know what growing up as a female is as opposed to a male.

 

[Silverplum]

Okay, everybody:

Logic (in the form of Georgia logic ) demands that you give your opposite-gender child to your X. At once! Because the same-gender parent is the only one who could ~understand~ the child.

Hurry now! Plane tickets? Check! Gas in the car? Check!

 

[shadowthorn]

In addition to the 14 year old being able to choose with whom she lives, the 11 year old has some say also:

n all cases in which the child has reached the age of 14 years, the child shall have the right to select the parent with whom he or she desires to live. The child´s selection shall be controlling, unless the parent so selected is determined not to be a fit and proper person to have the custody of the child.

In all cases in which the child has reached the age of at least 11 but not 14 years, the court shall consider the desires, if any, and educational needs of the child in determining which parent shall have custody. (Georgia Code - Sections: 19-9-1 and 19-9-51)

Although not as binding as with the 11-year old...

...still working on finding any state law about relocating...

 

[nextwife]

My Mom, too, Nexie, and my Dad, too.

Love my Mom to pieces, but she did not *make* me. My Dad is the one who made time to understand me, as I am. Not as I *could be* or *should be*, but as I am; and he was also the one who encouraged me to be all I could be.

I miss him.

i MISS THEM BOTH.

But having lost my dad when I was still in my teens also makes me very aware of how little time we might get to know and be influenced b y either parent. A child deserves to have both their parents there for their childhood- because that is all they may ever get. It's all I got- at least I didn't have a mom trying to take me away from my daddy those few years there were. I'd have gladly traded having dad around more vs. better stuff or a bigger house. I would have gladly done without rather than not have had dad around.

 

[shadowthorn]

This ought to make you happy, silverplum:

From the Fulton County Daily Report, November 12, 2003:

Divorced parents who move out of state risk losing custody of their children, according to a decision this week by the Georgia Supreme Court. The court overruled years of Georgia case law when it ruled 4-3 that custody issues can be revisited if the primary guardian decides to leave the state.

Lower courts now may consider how a parent's move will affect a child and use that as the basis for changing custody rights. Courts "must consider the best interests of the child and cannot apply a bright-line test" in such cases, said Justice Carol W. Hunstein, writing for the majority.

Previously, non-custodial parents could seek a change in visitation rights, but they couldn't contest custody successfully unless they could prove adverse living conditions, according to Randall M. Kessler, a family lawyer with Kessler & Schwarz.

"This means," Hunstein wrote, quoting from Scott v. Scott, 276 Ga. 372, "that an initial custodial award will not always control after any 'new and material change in circumstances that affects the child' is considered."

In the Bodne decision, Hunstein emphasized, "This analysis forbids the presumption that a relocating custodial parent will always lose custody and, conversely, forbids any presumption in favor of relocation."

In Bodne, the majority ruled that the doctor's decision to move "and place his interests first affected Ms. Bodne's ability to continue her equal involvement in the children's lives and also had a direct negative effect on the children."

Witnesses at the trial court, including the children's pediatrician, minister and family friends, testified that the move to Alabama would have a "direct negative effect" on the kids, the decision said.

So the high court has "expressly overruled" any prior case law that "presumes the custodial parent has a prima facie right to retain custody" in relocation cases, wrote Hunstein. She concluded that the trial court was correct in considering the "myriad of factors that had a[n] impact on the children."

So...you may face a custodial battle, if dad decides to pursue it...but in the proceedings, all facets of what is in the best interests of the children would be considered.

(I have no real desire to become Large and In Charge...I was asking if someone knew, or had faster access to resources than I did.)

 

[GaMom0177]

Wiley...you are correct. Again, I'm torn up about this move. And I have absolutely no intention of removing my children from their father. I will go to great lengths so that their relationship stays in tact. His support is there whether he is physically there or not. Agreed, it is better for it to be a physical reality. The same can be said of my support. It can be maintained over long distances. Both my ex and I feel that they are happier when with me and if a move is necessary then the best place for them is with me.

I posted here to find out how to legally go about it and to protect both of myself and our children. I also asked for helpful advice.

*sigh* I thought I did a good job of showing in the first post that neither of us is guilty of trying to railroad the other and that is what is important to me. Because the better we work together the better off my children are. I have known my ex since I was 15. After what happened in our marriage if we didn't have children there would have been nothing amicable about it. I would have left and never spoken to him and if he had tried to keep in touch with me I would have put a stop to it. Having said that, we do have children. I have diligently put my personal feelings aside and worked to what I consider to be my children's best interest. I have always done that and always will. After two years of divorce and working amicably with one another, we have learned to care about each other in a way. We both work now with the children foremost and the other in mind as well. Wiley...I think you are right to some extent. THAT is why I insist even when he feels I'm being unfair to myself. I do not think all of what he says is spawned from guilt. I do feel some of it is. Make no mistake...he does take up his own cause. Thus I am aware that he is not happy about this. But both of us are aware that if I felt I had ANY other choice I wouldn't be doing this. AND I'm still trying...even now...to locate a job in his area even if it means a two or more hour commute. If I got a job there I couldn't move because it would still create the problem of them not being with him for the 2 weeks. That's what I mean when I say "even if it means a 2 or more hour commute." It would be easier for me to move there if I found a job in that area...but I wouldn't because that would disrupt things. It takes about 2 hours to get to the biggest city located near us. I have applied not only in my hometown but the surrounding area.

 

[ezmarelda]

BULL! Being the "same sex parent" does NOT make you MORE important to a young or teen girl!!!!!

My mom was wonderful - as a mother. However, she was herself unaware of what she COULDN'T provide me. As a person who had never had a sense of not fitting in, she never understood the angst of feeling left out. She also never had the same "You can do ANYTHING you put your mind to . . ." attitude. THAT came from DAD. THANK G-D dad was there all the time to make me feel special, to make me feel that I should never allow myself to "settle", that I should strive to be financially independent. Ultimately, it was dad who was my biggest inspiration. I don't know where I'd be today if he hadn't been PHYSICALLY around, to sit and talk to, to surprise me when I was feeling down by taking me to a folk music or jazz concert, to inspire me to study philosophy so he and I could debate it, and so on. Mom was more obsessed with having the perfect, clean and orderly house and just couldn't see the importance of what dad was inspiring in me.

My point is that a mom can't KNOW that HER presence is MORE formative or important than dad's is. It was Dad who made me truly believe I could do ANYTHING.

On the flip side~My father lived in the same house as I did till I was 15yo. He was never supportive, never encuraging, never tried in any way to make me feel special
Somewhere in the middle of it all I was sexualy abused, (by another family member) I was an easy target since I would do just about anything to try to earn the attention I was not getting from my father.

When Mom and I moved out he tried for about 6 months to be SuperDad!

It was too little way too late...I already was finding myself in controling & abusive relationships.

I was 26yo before I sortof got past NOT having a "Daddy"

My Mom is AWSOME! and I owe my sanity to her...but there was nothing she could have done to make up for what my father didn't give me.

No way around it children NEED their parentS, but they also need parents who try their damdest to make sure that ALL their needs ar not just met but surpassed above ALL others...including new spouses and/or step-children

 

[GaMom0177]

Update:

My ex came up with the idea of the children spending alternating years with us. One with me, one with him and so on. This was a new idea we had not previously considered. We discussed it and in the end felt that amount of moving and changing schools would be more detrimental.

That is in addition to the fact that the girls are happier when with me. That is not sexist...it is based in the reality of their expressions and their history when in both homes. When my daughters feel threatened...they come to me. They always have. When we divorced....I forced them to speak with their father not only about problems between them and their dad but about their problems in their lives. As such, and in some part due to the advice I gave their father the times he called me looking for help, their relationship has improved with him.

For some good news:...A friend I had asked to keep their eyes peeled sent me some information so I have found a couple of leads on something things that may enable me to continue to work from home. I am very hopeful that it works out. One of them was featured on CNN and so I'm really hoping that it is legitimate and will help me keep the situation as is and not have to move.

 

[LdiJ]

This ought to make you happy, silverplum:

From the Fulton County Daily Report, November 12, 2003:







So...you may face a custodial battle, if dad decides to pursue it...but in the proceedings, all facets of what is in the best interests of the children would be considered.

(I have no real desire to become Large and In Charge...I was asking if someone knew, or had faster access to resources than I did.)

In order for there to be a custody battle, dad would have to be actually filing for custody. Since dad agrees that the kids should move with mom, that's not going to happen.

What astounds me about his thread is that here we have two parents who have agreed what should happen, but they are still bashing mom over the head about this. That isn't legal advice, its purely personal opinion. When I think of all the times its been emphasized to newbies that this is a LEGAL forum, for LEGAL advice, I think that's a little ironic.

GAMom, have an agreement drawn up about the relocation, include a new parenting schedule in that agreement based on the distance that will be involved. You both sign off on it and submit it to the judge. Its unlikely that a hearing will even be necessary if its submitted through an attorney.

 

[wileybunch]

GAMom, I hope those leads work out (in the vein of believing we are blessed for doing the right thing even if it's hard). How far away are your husband's kids currently?

What astounds me about his thread is that here we have two parents who have agreed what should happen, but they are still bashing mom over the head about this.

That's a pretty violent reference!