Rights of father vs happiness of 14 year old

[CdwJava]

If this were you in my shoes, would you truly not even consider siding with your kid? I guess it comes down to whether he's just being a "disrespectful teenager" or if it's something more...

But, to violate a court order you need something credible to substantiate your actions (i.e. justify them) or you can face criminal charges. Documentation through a police report and investigation or the same through CPS is one way to do this and can add some validity to the allegations. Ignoring it and bringing it up weeks or months later as part of a defense may make the claims ring hollow.

 

[CdwJava]

It is the nature of the 14 (and 15, and 16, and 17, and 18) year old boy to clash with their father. It's normal, it's even healthy, and it comes from the hormonal instinct, just beginning in the teenage boy, to be the alpha male.

Which at 14 he isn't. And you shouldn't be giving him any reason to believe he is, by giving him a choice about whether to follow a court order or not.

It's not my place to side with my kids.

It would be my place to teach Junior that there are rules, and outside of extenuating circumstances, those rules will be followed whether they like 'em or hate 'em.

I know 14 year olds. There are, very commonly more or less designed to be uppity, manipulative, disrespectful and difficult...for as long as the parent allows. This is the age where it's actually even more important to put your foot down, because if you don't they're going to be maladjusted twerps when they finally figure out that it won't be tolerated in the grown-up world.

As one who currently has four teenage boys ... ditto! (One is off in college, but he's only 35 minutes away - two more will be out of high school shortly, and one has four and a half years to go.) Teen boys can be a pain! It's the nature of the animal. And, as you say, you don't give them the chance to make a decision in something this important - you lay down the law. THIS is how it will be!

Ah ... in five years ... peace? Quiet? Maybe?

 

[Proserpina]

As one who currently has four teenage boys ... ditto! (One is off in college, but he's only 35 minutes away - two more will be out of high school shortly, and one has four and a half years to go.) Teen boys can be a pain! It's the nature of the animal. And, as you say, you don't give them the chance to make a decision in something this important - you lay down the law. THIS is how it will be!

Ah ... in five years ... peace? Quiet? Maybe?

FOUR teenage boys?!



Bless you!

 

[CdwJava]

FOUR teenage boys?!



Bless you!

Yeah ... and, the odd thing, three are ours and one is a young man (troubled home) we took in almost four years ago when he was 14 1/2 ... so, we VOLUNTEERED to take this on!

WHYYYYYY?!??!

In the end I suppose it's rewarding ... but ...oh, the money, the strain, and ... I HAD hair!

 

[Silverplum]

It's easy as pie to nip disrespect in the bud. I remain amazed that parents act as if they are helpless against their children.

 

[Silverplum]

If this were you in my shoes, would you truly not even consider siding with your kid? I guess it comes down to whether he's just being a "disrespectful teenager" or if it's something more...

You came to a legal site.

What did you think we would advise??

 

[cbg]

When my stepson was in college, my husband had planned to go up and visit him, and at the last minute invited me to go along. I agreed, but it occurred to me to ask, when we were halfway there, "Does he know I'm coming too?"

My husband responded, "No, but it doesn't matter. He likes you better than he likes me anyway."

That was some nine or so years ago, when SS was 18. Now, at 27, SS thinks his dad hung the moon.

 

[FinallyFree]

It's easy as pie to nip disrespect in the bud. I remain amazed that parents act as if they are helpless against their children.

So what works for you?

 

[FinallyFree]

You came to a legal site.

What did you think we would advise??

I guess I'm surprised at how many of the responses were so black and white. Yeah I get it from a legal standpoint but I just think there are variables that can make one question whether following the agreement is really the best decision right at this moment.

 

[Proserpina]

I guess I'm surprised at how many of the responses were so black and white. Yeah I get it from a legal standpoint but I just think there are variables that can make one question whether following the agreement is really the best decision right at this moment.

Well, what we can do is list a few things in which withholding visitation before you get a chance to go to court is obviously the right action:


Child has made allegations of abuse and/or neglect (these would generally involve police and/or child services, too)

Parent arriving completely drunk or stoned

Child witnessing parent stabbing neighbor and the resulting arrest and confinement

Child finding parent passed out after a heroin binge

Parent taking child to a "donkey show"



See where I'm going here?

 

[single317dad]

stabbing neighbor

heroin binge

donkey show

Well, there go my weekend plans.

 

[Ladyback1]

Well, what we can do is list a few things in which withholding visitation before you get a chance to go to court is obviously the right action:


Child has made allegations of abuse and/or neglect (these would generally involve police and/or child services, too)

Parent arriving completely drunk or stoned

Child witnessing parent stabbing neighbor and the resulting arrest and confinement

Child finding parent passed out after a heroin binge

Parent taking child to a "donkey show"



See where I'm going here?

don't forget the hookers, blow and mob related poker game in the basement

 

[Ohiogal]

I guess I'm surprised at how many of the responses were so black and white. Yeah I get it from a legal standpoint but I just think there are variables that can make one question whether following the agreement is really the best decision right at this moment.

THIS IS A LEGAL FORUM. Not a support forum. Hence we do advise from a legal standpoint. And if the agreement is not the right decision, then what you do is go to court for a modification. You seem to refuse to want to comprehend that. Those are your LEGAL choices. A teenager doesn't choose whether to go see his parent. Regardless of whether teenager's thoughts on the matter, if you parent him and he has respect for you as a parent, he will listen to you. If he doesn't have respect for you as a parent, you need parenting classes and he needs counseling (speaking of which is he currently in counseling?). If he does have respect for you as a parent then there is no forcing him to get into the car. You just tell him and he should listen.

 

[cbg]

You might want to point out to Sonny Boy that it is not a court suggestion, it is a court order. An order has to be obeyed. If a court order is not obeyed, someone can go to jail. Since he is the child and you are the parent, you will be the one who goes to jail. And, since a 14 year old will not be allowed to live alone, guess where that puts Sonny Boy? Why, living with the parent who is not in jail for disobeying a court order, of course.

 

[LdiJ]

Everyone has given very good advice here, but most of the responses seem to be totally focusing on the fact that the child is mouthy, and completely ignoring the fact that the child came back to mom with a cut and bruise on his fact that were placed there by dad in a fit of anger.

Dad physically abused this child. Either CPS should have been called, or mom should have made an emergency trip to court to get visitation suspended until the issue could be fully investigated. There is simply no excuse for what dad did.