Rights of father vs happiness of 14 year old

[Ohiogal]

I was honestly interested...I was not trying to be snarky.

Sorry I took your question wrong. There is more than one possible recommendation depending on the totality of the circumstances. I did take it as though you were trying to push me into saying child should be kept from dad and I can't say that because I don't know what all of the circumstances would be. Maybe dad hit the child in self defense because the child took a swing at dad. (Have had that case by the way.)

 

[Ohiogal]

As a side note, anyone notice this is posted in CHILD SUPPORT? Interesting.

 

[LdiJ]

As a side note, anyone notice this is posted in CHILD SUPPORT? Interesting.

No, I didn't notice...that does raise questions.

 

[ecmst12]

I can't help but go back to the title of the thread....if your 14 year old is happy all the time, you're doing something wrong.

 

[LdiJ]

I can't help but go back to the title of the thread....if your 14 year old is happy all the time, you're doing something wrong.

Chuckle...ain't that the truth!

I do however have some concern for this child. I just don't think it can be ignored that dad put a bruise and cut on the child's face, assuming that the child is telling a 100% true story. At a minimum I think that the child should have some counseling...and perhaps things should be investigated. Ideally joint counseling between dad and the child could be beneficial.

 

[CdwJava]

I do however have some concern for this child. I just don't think it can be ignored that dad put a bruise and cut on the child's face, assuming that the child is telling a 100% true story. At a minimum I think that the child should have some counseling...and perhaps things should be investigated. Ideally joint counseling between dad and the child could be beneficial.

I'm having a hard time seeing how dad could grab the child's hands such that dad could make the fists strike the boy's face sufficient to cause bruising AND a laceration. That requires an application of force or an angle of attack that just is not likely to be present ... it could be that mom didn't report this to the authorities because the police and/or CPS might see that the claim is questionable, at best.

 

[stealth2]

As one who currently has four teenage boys ... ditto! (One is off in college, but he's only 35 minutes away - two more will be out of high school shortly, and one has four and a half years to go.) Teen boys can be a pain! It's the nature of the animal. And, as you say, you don't give them the chance to make a decision in something this important - you lay down the law. THIS is how it will be!

Teen girls are no picnic, either... I found the girl to be tougher.

Ah ... in five years ... peace? Quiet? Maybe?

Don't count on it!

 

[CdwJava]

Teen girls are no picnic, either... I found the girl to be tougher.

So I've heard ... mood swings.

We have girls, too ... sort of. With athletic, good-looking boys comes girls - LOTS of girls. That means their drama, too. Fortunately, they get to take most of it home with them when they leave our house.

 

[stealth2]

So I've heard ... mood swings.

We have girls, too ... sort of. With athletic, good-looking boys comes girls - LOTS of girls. That means their drama, too. Fortunately, they get to take most of it home with them when they leave our house.

Even w/o a dramatic one, you get residual drama! And even in college! I get a call every day!

 

[SESmama]

Ya'all are NOT instilling confidence in me as my boys start into this stage.

#feelingthedramastress

 

[Joe Sparacino]

Court Orders and Teen Visitation

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Father and I currently share 50/50 custody. For the last 6 months our son hasn't wanted to go back to his fathers house when our week was over. He still goes sometimes but it's not 50/50 anymore for sure. Generally son will send a text to dad to ask if it's alright or tell him he's not coming and his father goes along with it without too much of a stink most of the time.

Son doesn't like the environment - it's often high stress being around his dad. They argue and his dad has a short fuse and likes to "maintain control" by getting physical: throwing/breaking stuff in sons room, yelling, charging at him, twisting his words, etc. I know all these things to be true because I lived this life for 10 years. Father says everything is fine and that son just doesn't want to do his chores. He says son is mouthy and lazy and that's why things get heated. Son IS mouthy, that is true... come on, he's 14. Kinda to be expected. During his last visit his dad grabbed his fists hard and while yelling in his face, banged sons own fist into his face and left a cut and bruise under his eye. While son may have set him off somehow, this reaction is scary and over the top. This is why he wants outta there.

His fathers reactions and behavior really bothers me - it's one of the reasons I divorced him. That being said, his dad does have 50% custody at the present moment so I don't want to get myself into hot water by backing my son in his refusal to go back to dads. I'm in a position now where I can't physically force him into the car, and I am not going to allow his dad to come drag him out of my house, so what am I expected to do? I understand where my son is coming from, so at what point does protecting his health and happiness become the #1 priority?

I realize I can petition the court and they will likely be willing to listen to our son. I guess the other option is that he just doesn't go over there anymore and we'll see what ex does about it, if anything. I doubt he wants to deal with court, and I don't particularly either but I don't want to be in contempt for protecting my kid.

You have to obey the Court Order until it is changed. Your son and his father may need to attend some temporary therapeutic visitation sessions where their issues can be worked out.

Try approaching your ex-husband on the therapeutic approach.

 

[Silverplum]

You have to obey the Court Order until it is changed. Your son and his father may need to attend some temporary therapeutic visitation sessions where their issues can be worked out.

Try approaching your ex-husband on the therapeutic approach.

Good idea.

 

[FinallyFree]

You might want to point out to Sonny Boy that it is not a court suggestion, it is a court order. An order has to be obeyed. If a court order is not obeyed, someone can go to jail. Since he is the child and you are the parent, you will be the one who goes to jail. And, since a 14 year old will not be allowed to live alone, guess where that puts Sonny Boy? Why, living with the parent who is not in jail for disobeying a court order, of course.

What's with the names? I mean really is that necessary? It's like your trying to get a little dig in but I don't quite get it. NO "Sonny Boy" isn't perfect.. he is 14 and therefore has 14 year old drama sometimes, but some of you guys make him out to be this spoiled brat who just wants his way and it doesn't seem to me that I really portrayed him like that. I'm well aware of the games teenagers play... this isn't my first rodeo. So for those of you who think he's just working the two of us, thanks for the help. Obviously there's more than just MY side of the story, but mine is all ya got so it would be nice if you just answered as if the info I provided to you is factual rather than making all these assumptions.

 

[FinallyFree]

Or about HOW he got the bruise to begin with. It may have NOTHING to do with dad. He may not have been hit at all. There are other things that could have happened. Mom wants an EXCUSE not to send junior. She doesn't want to coparent with dad. She wants to see dad as the enemy because that works for her.

I don't want an excuse not to send him. There's another assumption... very helpful, thank you.

He's 14 so you're right... he's lying. Why should I believe him. I mean, I didn't live that environment for 10 years or anything. Yeah there's other things that "could have" happened and I won't ever know 100% because I was not there.

Yeah, I want to see him as the enemy because that works for me. You've got me all figured out.

 

[Proserpina]

I don't want an excuse not to send him. There's another assumption... very helpful, thank you.

He's 14 so you're right... he's lying. Why should I believe him. I mean, I didn't live that environment for 10 years or anything. Yeah there's other things that "could have" happened and I won't ever know 100% because I was not there.

Yeah, I want to see him as the enemy because that works for me. You've got me all figured out.

There's a cheese tray right over there to your left.

Try the Stilton.