Transportation Issue

[2Mistakes]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

Good morning all!

I'm having an issue with the crazy ex about transportation.

Back in 2007, when the ex moved to Pensacola (2 hours away), she started the kids more often, and my wife offered to her to meet her in Mobile (1/2 way.) Part of their agreement was that as long as my wife was able to meet her, she would, but that if my wife had a conflict, ex would have to come and get them. Ex said she was fine with that.

Well, until now, there's not been a problem, and my wife has always been able to meet her.

Ex is getting the kids this Friday to start her summer visitation. She and my wife had agreed to meet in Mobile Friday evening at 5:30.

My wife found out last night that her daughter's dad needs to come pick up her daughter that afternoon at 5:00 as they are leaving to go out of town. My step-daughter recently had her meds changed (new meds added, and dosages of other meds changed), and my wife needs to be here to go over all of it with her ex-husband and explain the new dosing schedule to him. The new dosing schedule is pretty confusing.

Normally my wife would have just offered to meet my ex a little later, but we have a family member's graduation to attend at 7:00 here in our town.

So my wife emailed my ex last night and said: I am so sorry to do this to you, but I'm not going to be able to meet you in Mobile this Friday. I need to be here when M's dad comes to get her, and then I have a graduation to attend. The kids will be ready to go at 4:30. Let me know if that time is ok. Thanks.

So the ex emails my wife back with: I see what you are trying to do, and its not going to work. You can't keep me from seeing MY kids!!!! The kids better be in Mobile at 5:30 as previously agreed!



So my wife emailed her back and said: I'm sorry you feel that way, but that certainly isn't the case. No one is trying to keep the kids from you. I'm just not able to meet you this time due to other obligations. When I originally made the offer to meet you 1/2 way, that was to try and make things easier on you, and you and I had an agreement that if I ever had a scheduling conflict, you would come over and pick the kids up.

The ex answered with: All I can tell you is that MY kids better be in Mobile this Friday. If I have to come all the way to MS to pick them up, the Sheriff's Department will be called and will show up with me. If they are not in Mobile, I will be holding you and 2M in contempt. You've set the status quo that you meet me 1/2 way, so now you have to. I'll see you in Mobile or at your house, with a deputy in tow.

My wife has not responded. I think she and I both are at a loss for words.

A few facts:

1. My ex is back and forth between FL, MI, and TX with her boyfriend, so her visitation since 2007 has been sporadic. Until now, my wife was able to meet her on the few times that ex has wanted to get the kids.

2. The order does not say anything about responsibility of transportation, and my ex is the 1 who created the distance.

3. My wife is kinda sorta a party to our order, but I don't think it obligates her to do anything. It gives her rights to do certain things such as seek medical treatment for the kids, register them for school, make medical, educational, etc. decisions in the event that me or my ex isn't available. It is an exhibit attached to the order that the ex and I both signed. It was the ex's idea at the time.

A few questions:

1. If the SD is called to our house by my ex, what are they likely to do? The kids will be here, ready to go, so I'm not sure what her reason for calling them would be or what she would be trying to accomplish.

2. IF the ex files for contempt, can she file against my wife? Can the judge mandate that my wife has to meet her 1/2 way since she's been doing it? Can I be held in contempt for this? This was an informal agreement between the wife and the ex. I'm working that day, so I'm not able to take the kids to Mobile to meet 1/2 way.

 

[Zephyr]

You can't meet the ex?

 

[2Mistakes]

No, I have to work. I work an hour and a half away, and I don't get off until 5:30. I won't even have time to go home after work that day, I'll be going to straight to my nephew's graduation, and probably miss the 1st half of it.

If I could get off of work, I would, but I've used all my PTO until June.

 

[Zephyr]

1. If the SD is called to our house by my ex, what are they likely to do? The kids will be here, ready to go, so I'm not sure what her reason for calling them would be or what she would be trying to accomplish.

They likely won't do anything, maybe document the incident at mom's request.

2. IF the ex files for contempt, can she file against my wife? Can the judge mandate that my wife has to meet her 1/2 way since she's been doing it? Can I be held in contempt for this? This was an informal agreement between the wife and the ex. I'm working that day, so I'm not able to take the kids to Mobile to meet 1/2 way.

Your wife is not bound by the court order unless she is mentioned specifically, she cannot be in contempt of an order that doesn't apply to her.

Very unlikely the judge would order your wife to meet mom halfway.



I don't know what to tell you, things are already strained with mom, this will make them moreso. If it were me, I would meet her, even if it meant taking a couple hours unpaid off of work this once. You could explain to mom that you are taking unpaid time off work because you feel bad that she didn't have a lot of notice about the change in plans yada yada yada....might that work to encourage friendly feelings all around? And prevent the kids from dealing with the police and a pissed off mom showing up at the door.

 

[Ohiogal]

You need to write to your ex and state:
You can pick the children up at our home. There is no issue with that. Bring the sheriff if you feel you must however the children will be waiting and ready to go. They look forward to seeing you. I have no issue with you coming to pick up OUR children. My wife is sorry that she cannot meet you. She is not a party to our parenting and was trying to be considerate and help you out. Since you seem to want to make her a party to OUR parenting with your threats of contempt, I will no longer allow you to communicate with her. You can now communicate with me about everything. She may from time to time do transportation if I need her to however you will be expected to pick up the children at the house this weekend.

Sincerely,
2M

And then keep your wife out of it. Your wife NEVER should have been doing the communication. Seriously. YOU should have been communicating with the ex.

 

[2Mistakes]

They likely won't do anything, maybe document the incident at mom's request.



Your wife is not bound by the court order unless she is mentioned specifically, she cannot be in contempt of an order that doesn't apply to her.

Very unlikely the judge would order your wife to meet mom halfway.



I don't know what to tell you, things are already strained with mom, this will make them moreso. If it were me, I would meet her, even if it meant taking a couple hours unpaid off of work this once. You could explain to mom that you are taking unpaid time off work because you feel bad that she didn't have a lot of notice about the change in plans yada yada yada....might that work to encourage friendly feelings all around? And prevent the kids from dealing with the police and a pissed off mom showing up at the door.

With the work that I do (independent insurance adjusting - inside adjuster), taking a few hours off isn't an option. I'm not paid by the hour, I'm paid a day rate. You either take the day off or work the whole day.

If I take the day off, I lose $385 in pay, as well as per diem. Me taking off just isn't an option, unless the ex wants to pay me $460 (my pay plus per diem.) I'm pretty sure she won't go for that.

My wife feels horrible that she can't meet her, but she gave her almost a week's notice. She emailed the ex and let her know literally as soon as she found out.

 

[kimberlywrites]

You need to write to your ex and state:
You can pick the children up at our home. There is no issue with that. Bring the sheriff if you feel you must however the children will be waiting and ready to go. They look forward to seeing you. I have no issue with you coming to pick up OUR children. My wife is sorry that she cannot meet you. She is not a party to our parenting and was trying to be considerate and help you out. Since you seem to want to make her a party to OUR parenting with your threats of contempt, I will no longer allow you to communicate with her. You can now communicate with me about everything. She may from time to time do transportation if I need her to however you will be expected to pick up the children at the house this weekend.

Sincerely,
2M

And then keep your wife out of it. Your wife NEVER should have been doing the communication. Seriously. YOU should have been communicating with the ex.

Perfect, perfect, perfect. Love it! Great advice for all SM's out there who try to help out once in awhile. Can I copy this and save it in my own email for future use?

 

[2Mistakes]

You need to write to your ex and state:
You can pick the children up at our home. There is no issue with that. Bring the sheriff if you feel you must however the children will be waiting and ready to go. They look forward to seeing you. I have no issue with you coming to pick up OUR children. My wife is sorry that she cannot meet you. She is not a party to our parenting and was trying to be considerate and help you out. Since you seem to want to make her a party to OUR parenting with your threats of contempt, I will no longer allow you to communicate with her. You can now communicate with me about everything. She may from time to time do transportation if I need her to however you will be expected to pick up the children at the house this weekend.

Sincerely,
2M

And then keep your wife out of it. Your wife NEVER should have been doing the communication. Seriously. YOU should have been communicating with the ex.

It did start as me doing all the communicating. When ex moved to Pensacola and said that she wanted to get the kids more often, my wife asked me to make the offer to the ex that she (wife) would meet her 1/2 way when she could. So the ex would email me to make arrangments, I'd talk to the wife, email the ex back etc. It would sometimes get confusing, especially if meeting times or places needed to change, so the ex and wife both said, "Hey, why don't we just talk to each other directly to make these metting arrangements? Things are getting too confusing going through a middle man."

And for almost 2 years, it worked fine. Until the ex doesn't get her way.

 

[LdiJ]

With the work that I do (independent insurance adjusting - inside adjuster), taking a few hours off isn't an option. I'm not paid by the hour, I'm paid a day rate. You either take the day off or work the whole day.

If I take the day off, I lose $385 in pay, as well as per diem. Me taking off just isn't an option, unless the ex wants to pay me $460 (my pay plus per diem.) I'm pretty sure she won't go for that.

My wife feels horrible that she can't meet her, but she gave her almost a week's notice. She emailed the ex and let her know literally as soon as she found out.

Is there any other family member who could meet the ex in Mobile?

 

[2Mistakes]

Is there any other family member who could meet the ex in Mobile?

I've tried that. My dad will be out of town starting the day before until the day after for work. My mom is disabled and doesn't drive on the interstate, even locally.

My wife even asked her mom to take them over to Mobile, but she has to work that day as well.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

In order to be found in contempt, you must WILLFULLY disregard a court order. Transportation items are missing in your court order, therefore, you cannot be found in contempt.

What exactly does it say about summer parenting time in your court order?

As long as your children are available to mom, you cannot be found in contempt.

Your X would be hard pressed to have the sheriff find for her if it says NOTHING about Mobile.

 

[Ohiogal]

It did start as me doing all the communicating. When ex moved to Pensacola and said that she wanted to get the kids more often, my wife asked me to make the offer to the ex that she (wife) would meet her 1/2 way when she could. So the ex would email me to make arrangments, I'd talk to the wife, email the ex back etc. It would sometimes get confusing, especially if meeting times or places needed to change, so the ex and wife both said, "Hey, why don't we just talk to each other directly to make these metting arrangements? Things are getting too confusing going through a middle man."

And for almost 2 years, it worked fine. Until the ex doesn't get her way.

Well this gives you a reason to remove your wife entirely from the arrangements. You are NOT a middle man -- you are DAD. Your ex is MOM.

 

[Ohiogal]

Perfect, perfect, perfect. Love it! Great advice for all SM's out there who try to help out once in awhile. Can I copy this and save it in my own email for future use?

If you want.

 

[2Mistakes]

In order to be found in contempt, you must WILLFULLY disregard a court order. Transportation items are missing in your court order, therefore, you cannot be found in contempt.

What exactly does it say about summer parenting time in your court order?

As long as your children are available to mom, you cannot be found in contempt.

Your X would be hard pressed to have the sheriff find for her if it says NOTHING about Mobile.

The order states for summer visitation:

"(The ex) shall have summer visitation with the minor children begininng at 6:00 p.m. the first Friday in June and continuing until the 6th Friday thereafter at 6:00 p.m." It makes absolutely no mention of transportation.

According to the order, she shouldn't even be getting them this Friday. She should have them June 5th to July 18th.

But, she asked me if we could change it because she's leaving to go back to MI on July 1st. So she asked me if we could change it to her having them May 22 to June 26. I said yes, trying to be accomodating, and it really didn't matter to me which period she got them, as we already took our vacation for Spring Break.

At this point, I'm tempted to email her and tell her, "Look, since you're being such a snot about it, you can get the kids on June 5th as the order states. It will be up to you whether you keep them until July 18th, per the order, or if you bring them back early so you can go to MI."

But I won't. I know that will only fan the flames.

I am trying to work something out to where me or someone can meet her in Mobile, but everyone I know works.

My wife tried to switch things up with her ex-husband so that she could go, but he has to work, and because they are going out of town, there's a small window for when he can pick up my step-daughter.

 

[LdiJ]

The order states for summer visitation:

"(The ex) shall have summer visitation with the minor children begininng at 6:00 p.m. the first Friday in June and continuing until the 6th Friday thereafter at 6:00 p.m." It makes absolutely no mention of transportation.

According to the order, she shouldn't even be getting them this Friday. She should have them June 5th to July 18th.

But, she asked me if we could change it because she's leaving to go back to MI on July 1st. So she asked me if we could change it to her having them May 22 to June 26. I said yes, trying to be accomodating, and it really didn't matter to me which period she got them, as we already took our vacation for Spring Break.

At this point, I'm tempted to email her and tell her, "Look, since you're being such a snot about it, you can get the kids on June 5th as the order states. It will be up to you whether you keep them until July 18th, per the order, or if you bring them back early so you can go to MI."

But I won't. I know that will only fan the flames.

I am trying to work something out to where me or someone can meet her in Mobile, but everyone I know works.

My wife tried to switch things up with her ex-husband so that she could go, but he has to work, and because they are going out of town, there's a small window for when he can pick up my step-daughter.

What if he gets your stepdaughter a day early?