Posting an update:
After Dad sent a letter to Mom reiterating his plan to take time (vacation time on weekend plus schedule for 1/2 time in summer -- see posts #1&4 in this thread) and that there have been numerous violations of the CO and that he will have no choice but to return to court if there's another violation), he received the below letter from Mom.
The question here is:
Do you think any of what Mom has written should be responded to by DH? Or should he not respond to her letter and proceed to attempt to pick DD up Sat at 10AM as was planned for this coming weekend and if parenting time is denied proceed to file a contempt motion (see posts 1&4 in this thread)?
Mom's letter:
I am sorry to see that your only solution is to threaten me with contempt of court. Is that your answer for everything? Somehow I don't see a spirit of cooperation there. I think you should know that you have placed undo stress on DD. She is terrified that if we don't give in to your every whim, that her mom will go to jail. Do you really think that being a playground bully is healthy for her? Or you? I cannot give into this nonsense all the time. I am doing my best to follow every part of the decree to the best of my knowledge. I will admit some of it is vague and is open to interpretation. That is the very reason I agreed to meet with you.
For the record, I know that your wife was the author of the letter you sent with DD last night as there is NO WAY you had time to write it. I am sure you wouldn't have taken time out of your visitation to mess with this. DD said you were with her the entire time. Knowing that your wife wrote the letter might explain most of the erroneous accusations. I know she won't rest until I see jail time. It seems to be a real driving force for both of you. I am insisting that you do NOT send mail with DD anymore as she was extremely upset by it last night. We are not to use them as go betweens.
[NOTE: Dad has only recently sent this letter in a sealed envelope to DD. Mom has frequently sent letters through DD. Dad had the letter ready before DD came for visitation. We both spent time with DD throughout the entire time of the visit.]
I know you have been sending numerous emails, letters and sending information with DD as well. [Note: Not true -- that is her that does that.] However, it has been impossible for me to reply as none of them make sense. They are contradictory and confusing. She goes on to recount with some accuracy when he mentioned Memorial Day weekend and that he would have DD because he looked at the wrong holiday schedule. It was easily rectified when she pointed it out. She had also been confused, though, thinking she had Memorial Day AND 4th of July (turns out she had MD and he has the 4th). She went on to say, "It has been more than exhausting trying to keep up with you."
Once we straightened some of that out, you are now saying you are taking the 5th Weekend in May as part of your "summer vacation." Let's get this straight. It is NOT summer vacation yet. You do NOT have that weekend. It is NOT a holiday assigned to you. I informed yo in several conversations that she was NOT available. Dad, it does not have to be this difficult. You can not just keep taking any weekend you want because you "give me notice." The counselor STRONGLY ADVISED us to stick to the schedule. You have tried to break every rule set out there. You cannot try to grab every weekend... which according to YOUR schedule is 4 out of the next 5 weekends starting the 30th, and expect her to be available. It is obvious to everyone what you are trying to pull.
[Note: Dad had DD 2 out of 5 weekends in May, but 1st weekend she was on a choir trip. We went out of town to meet up with her and pick her up at end of choir trip Sat evening and had her until Sun evening. Dad also didn't have one of the weeknight visits b/c they are on Monday and Memorial Day was Monday. Under the summer schedule, in trying to give Mom all the time she had said she would have DD on vacation and that DD was babysitting for a coworker (which he just found out will be being done at Mom's house), he ends up with 3 weekends out of 4 in June, but one of them would be a partial weekend b/c she has girl's camp and comes home Sat at noon. Also, he really doubts the counselor encouraged her to deny Dad the additional summer parenting time, but he will confirm with counselor what he in fact said and what angle he's coming from. Counselor knows Mom's cunningness so is probably trying to reinforce to Mom that she needs to follow the court order and she has twisted what he said.]
One of the biggest problems is the fact you have NO common courtesy for us or DD. For you to assume she is always free is ridiculous. I told you repeatedly on the telephone that she was NOT available on the 30 of May. [Note: Mom only started to say this 2 weeks after Dad gave notice he would be taking that weekend as part of vacation time as quoted in previous posts. He never said he was taking it as part of "summer time" vacation as she's quoted him as saying. He literally quoted the court order's language for that and it's part of the school-year vacation time. ] You knew it was the only weekend from April to the middle of July that we were free to have her birthday party and soccer party. [Note: Mom made the claim to Dad previously that it was the only weekend between DD's 4/30 birthday and end of May to have her birthday party and she didn't want to make her wait any longer. There was never any mention of a soccer party. That came up on 5/17 weekend informed Dad she was having DD's soccer party at their house that weekend, too. She hadn't mentioned it the previous Sat when she called DH at 7:45AM to inform him of the need to have the b'day party that weekend.] I even invited you to the soccer party. [Note: That never happened.] Yet you screamed at me [Note: she likes to lie like this to make him appear like a loon] "She is only 13, what plans could she have?" That comment shows your complete ignorance about her activities and life. You stated in your letter that you told DD you would pick her up at 10AM on Saturday. She says you never said any such thing, nor did she agree to it. She said you asked her if her party would be done by 9 am, and she told you no. She told you it would probably go past noon. [Note: I was there -- DD did agree to a 10AM pick up time. And, notice even in Mom's false words, daughter said party would go until after noon -- daughter didn't say, "But I also have a soccer party at 4PM that day". And, to note, too, Mom's still saying Dad can't have DD at all that weekend. She simply refuses to let DH have any time that isn't specifically his 1st/3rd weekends and weeknight dinner date.] If you ever had a 13 year old daughter with friends for a sleepover, you would know they usually stay most of the next day.
I am asking you to stay away on Saturday the 30th. Please do not show up honking and humiliating DD at her 13th Birthday party. She would never forget it or forgive you for it. Please have some feelings for her emotions. She's not available then, period. If you would like to choose another weekend, feel free to check with DD and see when she's available. She will be happy to let you know. You are also welcome, as I said earlier, to come to the soccer party. It starts at 4 pm on Saturday, May 31st. We are asking parents to bring a side dish of your choice. I have no problem with you coming and being part of the party.
I also find it interesting that now, just because DD wants to take a summer job for a few weeks, you now want her every other week all summer. Having never asked once in 9 years, it's interesting you want her now. [Note: It hasn't been 9 years, but he did let her get away w/calling shots and violating order and taking whatever time she would allow, but when they went back to court last summer, he made it clear that he would be exercising all time per the CO and he has. He has not missed any time.] It seems to coincide with the fact you need a babysitter for wife's twins for the summer. [Note: Also not true. They are in year round school and for the weeks they have off during the summer, they already have a deposit paid for their spot in the same summer program they have gone to for past 4 summers.] I am sorry we disagree on the interpretation of the decree. You said it was my decree, that I should know what it means. [Note: Her attorney prepared it.] As far as I was informed, it meant you were allowed up to one half of the summer vacation, according to what you could fit into your schedule. If we can't agree, you will need to go to court to clarify it to spend with her, up to one half of the summer. I never interpreted it to mean that she was supposed to sit at your house, away from her family and friends and church activities all summer while you were at work. I don't believe that is in her best interest. And, if it matters at all to you, she doesn't want to. Counselor told me not to force her to do anything... i know he's told you the same thing. I have continue to tell you she is happy and willing to come for her weekends, scheduled holidays, and vacations. Why is that just never enough? For you to expect her to just to sit there for the principal of what you think it right, is silly. I will leave it up to her to decide. I can not force her to go week after week.
As for the babysitting job, I informed you as soon as we knew about it. She starts the week of June 9th and finishes July 18th, with the exception of Wed- Friday she's at camp, and the week of Vacation time that you have scheduled.
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