Mother seeking Child Custody. What are my options?

[Ohiogal]

Aaahh..... From the other board. And a 10 mo is hardly a "newborn".

We are mixing groups apparently. I joined over there and it seems somewhat cool. I am outnumbered by magical testicles to my unmagical uterus but quite frankly the advice given is pretty good though not as much law is quoted -- they aren't all lovey dovey and men can do no wrong. They actually call out the men for being idiots when they are being so -- it isn't all RAH RAH PENIS and women suck!

 

[Eekamouse]

what place is this?

 

[TigerD]

Depressing? Should it be all unicorns farting rainbows? We have (supposedly) two parents who will stop at nothing until a Solomonic-type judgment.

Yeah, I read that thread and another. Look, each forum has its own collective personality. And I'm sure I didn't go deep enough to fully comprehend yours. What I read wasn't for me. But, I will buy a ticket to see the unicorn farting rainbows.

DC

 

[NotSoConfusdOne]

Aaahh..... From the other board. And a 10 mo is hardly a "newborn".

Yup. One can always learn from others.

Newborn/Infant. Unable to talk, may or may not be crawling at this point, or has maybe even taken his first step, but unable to care for oneself even rudimentarily like a toddler can. Well within the debunked tender years doctrine. If you want to draw a big dividing line, that's fine. Point being, very very young.

And as Ohiogal says, we beat others up when they take a me-first attitude. OP in the other forum took a bit of a beating for putting himself first, and throwing flimsy excuses out there, and arguments were debunked heavily and forcefully.

And she is right, we are not as much of a legal forum. We're more hands on than legal - concepts to ensure that the child's rights are protected, although I can see how one would think we're a bunch of lotharios... Well, we get dads, that's our focus. Although we will lead horses to water, we're not as well versed in the complete intricacies of the laws. Very highly educated, though, not in normal schooling ways like Ms (Mrs?) Ohio or debtcollector, though.

I took umbrage at the Fight Club comment, because it is not like that at all. We don't protect dads, we don't circle the wagons, we'll call out their behavior. You'll find a few 'mens rights' (whatever that means) types on that board, but most of the more senior members take a child's best interest standard, so what is best for the child is the correct and right thing to do. May we shade towards dads? Yeah, that's the purpose of the board. I haven't looked, but there are moms boards out there, too.

 

[stealth2]

Yup. One can always learn from others.

Newborn/Infant. Unable to talk, may or may not be crawling at this point, or has maybe even taken his first step, but unable to care for oneself even rudimentarily like a toddler can. Well within the debunked tender years doctrine. If you want to draw a big dividing line, that's fine. Point being, very very young.

And as Ohiogal says, we beat others up when they take a me-first attitude. OP in the other forum took a bit of a beating for putting himself first, and throwing flimsy excuses out there, and arguments were debunked heavily and forcefully.

And she is right, we are not as much of a legal forum. We're more hands on than legal - concepts to ensure that the child's rights are protected, although I can see how one would think we're a bunch of lotharios... Well, we get dads, that's our focus. Although we will lead horses to water, we're not as well versed in the complete intricacies of the laws. Very highly educated, though, not in normal schooling ways like Ms (Mrs?) Ohio or debtcollector, though.

I took umbrage at the Fight Club comment, because it is not like that at all. We don't protect dads, we don't circle the wagons, we'll call out their behavior. You'll find a few 'mens rights' (whatever that means) types on that board, but most of the more senior members take a child's best interest standard, so what is best for the child is the correct and right thing to do. May we shade towards dads? Yeah, that's the purpose of the board. I haven't looked, but there are moms boards out there, too.

Yep, I've read over there.

 

[mommyanme]

Seems like an okay forum. I just don't feel comfortable with the Forums list, under parenting custody/child support it shows the list of subjects and Parental Alienation Syndrome is listed along with others that have been proven to not be real syndromes and one.....well we know what his diagnosis was after founding PAS.

IMHO they need to remove those so parents/fathers are not given false ideas about nonexistent syndromes, that could hurt them in court.

 

[NotSoConfusdOne]

Many of us believe parental alienation exists, and the the OP of the thread there in question seemed to have been moving down that path. Syndrome? Not medically or legally a true syndrome, but poisoning of the relationship towards one parent by the other does happen. That and malicious mother. Kinda one and the same. Got us on that one.

Been reading a bit here, and see that many of the same tenets apply between sites, such as the focus on what is best for kiddo. I am waiting to see what happens with the ROFR thread that was posted. I have my ideas on how it should be handled, but kinda seeing how the group here handles a question such as that.

 

[stealth2]

Seems like an okay forum. I just don't feel comfortable with the Forums list, under parenting custody/child support it shows the list of subjects and Parental Alienation Syndrome is listed along with others that have been proven to not be real syndromes and one.....well we know what his diagnosis was after founding PAS.

IMHO they need to remove those so parents/fathers are not given false ideas about nonexistent syndromes, that could hurt them in court.

Some people don't want to hear it. I read/occasionally post at steptalk (don't ask me why LOL), and they are always bringing up PAS - I quit trying to explain that, while PA is real, PAS is discredited. Don't want to hear it. OK.

 

[mommyanme]

Some people don't want to hear it. I read/occasionally post at steptalk (don't ask me why LOL), and they are always bringing up PAS - I quit trying to explain that, while PA is real, PAS is discredited. Don't want to hear it. OK.

See, now you have me wanting to ask why lol I don't doubt you're a great help there and one of the few that tells it like it is. I've tried to explain to friends PA is real PAS is not and you're right, some just don't want to hear it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Seems like an okay forum. I just don't feel comfortable with the Forums list, under parenting custody/child support it shows the list of subjects and Parental Alienation Syndrome is listed along with others that have been proven to not be real syndromes and one.....well we know what his diagnosis was after founding PAS.

IMHO they need to remove those so parents/fathers are not given false ideas about nonexistent syndromes, that could hurt them in court.

Actually there is a current thread about PAS in which the same stuff stated here is said over there. One of the posters is VERY vocal about PAS being BS.

 

[Ohiogal]

Many of us believe parental alienation exists, and the the OP of the thread there in question seemed to have been moving down that path. Syndrome? Not medically or legally a true syndrome, but poisoning of the relationship towards one parent by the other does happen. That and malicious mother. Kinda one and the same. Got us on that one.

Been reading a bit here, and see that many of the same tenets apply between sites, such as the focus on what is best for kiddo. I am waiting to see what happens with the ROFR thread that was posted. I have my ideas on how it should be handled, but kinda seeing how the group here handles a question such as that.

Actually, NOT one and the same. PAS is stupidity and ignorance at a dangerous level. Parental alienation exists. Malicious mother exists to the same degree as malicious father.

 

[mommyanme]

Actually there is a current thread about PAS in which the same stuff stated here is said over there. One of the posters is VERY vocal about PAS being BS.

I know you added your legal expertise! That's why I feel the description shouldn't include the syndrome parts. It's just to easy to get caught up in the idea and good Dads and even Moms can get slapped flat by a judge quickly because they don't know any better and yes sometimes don't care cause they want it to be an ace in the hole. Some use it maliciously too and attempt to set their exs up.

 

[NotSoConfusdOne]

Actually, NOT one and the same. PAS is stupidity and ignorance at a dangerous level. Parental alienation exists. Malicious mother exists to the same degree as malicious father.

You're right, I was lax with my words. I meant more that PAS and MMS fit into the same science junk drawer, I just wasn't clear enough. Mea culpa.

 

[stealth2]

Been reading a bit here, and see that many of the same tenets apply between sites, such as the focus on what is best for kiddo. I am waiting to see what happens with the ROFR thread that was posted. I have my ideas on how it should be handled, but kinda seeing how the group here handles a question such as that.

So why not voice those thoughts on thst thread, instead of sitting with your thumb you-know-where?

 

[gam]

Yup. One can always learn from others.

Newborn/Infant. Unable to talk, may or may not be crawling at this point, or has maybe even taken his first step, but unable to care for oneself even rudimentarily like a toddler can. Well within the debunked tender years doctrine. If you want to draw a big dividing line, that's fine. Point being, very very young.

And as Ohiogal says, we beat others up when they take a me-first attitude. OP in the other forum took a bit of a beating for putting himself first, and throwing flimsy excuses out there, and arguments were debunked heavily and forcefully.

And she is right, we are not as much of a legal forum. We're more hands on than legal - concepts to ensure that the child's rights are protected, although I can see how one would think we're a bunch of lotharios... Well, we get dads, that's our focus. Although we will lead horses to water, we're not as well versed in the complete intricacies of the laws. Very highly educated, though, not in normal schooling ways like Ms (Mrs?) Ohio or debtcollector, though.

I took umbrage at the Fight Club comment, because it is not like that at all. We don't protect dads, we don't circle the wagons, we'll call out their behavior. You'll find a few 'mens rights' (whatever that means) types on that board, but most of the more senior members take a child's best interest standard, so what is best for the child is the correct and right thing to do. May we shade towards dads? Yeah, that's the purpose of the board. I haven't looked, but there are moms boards out there, too.

I've read that board for over 10 years now. If I were a man I would never post here and post there. While both boards call out poor behavior, this is the Fight Club board, your board is not. Calling out the poor behavior over there is done in a decent way and most often the posters being called out, end up sticking around unlike this board where they are run off.

Many here could learn how to post in a far better way by reading over there. Your board has two of the best posters on it, who offer the best advice I've seen and one of those does it in a very direct way. But that direct way is not offensive, it's how it should be done. It's all about the kids and how to be a good parent. While the board does not care to have moms posting on it, it's an excellent board for moms to read at, I've sent a ton of moms I know personally over there to read only. It really has helped them to understand how the other side feels on issues and has helped avoid huge blow ups with the other parent they deal with.

Huge difference in the wording of posts between the boards, one is far easier to stomach for some new person posting then the other. Just my 2 cents on it and I hope your board keeps up the good work.