50/50

[LdiJ]

AND, OP is apparently unable to read - just like Jekyl and Hyde. She writes: "I have had my mom read to me word for word the custody order that Jekyl faxed". I wonder why she couldn't read it herself?



Is one of the planets still in retrograde?

Well, now that one I could buy because she said that she had it faxed to her mom's house, and apparently she does not live with her mom...assuming that I bought any of the rest of it.

 

[AbbaDabba730]

I apologize for even starting this thread. Now I am being accused of being someone else just because I posted about something that I am going through. Thank you for those who helped. I will make sure in the future that I do not come here to ask questions. I truly do appreciate those who helped me out in my situation.

I just have one question...did jekyl prove it to you

 

[lillithsmith]

I sent Jekyl a private message with my moms fax number. S/he sent it to my mothers house and my mom called me and read to me what it said. It did not prove to me that it would happen. It did show me that it could maybe happen. The chances of it happening would depend on our situations. I am not trying to keep my daughter from her father. I think in Jekyls situation the mom was. From what InfantCustody said then I also see it is possible. Both have said it happened with them so that is two people.

 

[Proserpina]

I sent Jekyl a private message with my moms fax number. S/he sent it to my mothers house and my mom called me and read to me what it said. It did not prove to me that it would happen. It did show me that it could maybe happen. The chances of it happening would depend on our situations. I am not trying to keep my daughter from her father. I think in Jekyls situation the mom was. From what InfantCustody said then I also see it is possible. Both have said it happened with them so that is two people.

..which is what you were told in the beginning.


It is POSSIBLE.

It is NOT likely.


You can close your thread now

 

[SESmama]

My take is that in jekyl's situation mom was already in trouble in regards to custody so it was not that difficult for the court to order 50/50. In OP's case the mom has been primary caretaker and is not under any scrutiny for her parenting. So it would be highly unlikely the courts would order 50/50 if mom does not agree. In addition, mom can simply provide a plan that will last through school (barring any unforeseen circumstances).

 

[LdiJ]

but even older children...once they start school would that actualy be a reasonable schedule? How in the world would parents that live 3 hours apart keep the child on that schedule. It makes no sense to me.

OG once mentioned a case here where one parent lived in OH and the other in FL and they agreed on an every other month schedule when their child was about 2...which is another horrendous schedule for a child. When it came time for the child to start school, of course it was a major battle over custody. The judge found the parents SO equal in fitness and parenting that the judge actually decided to give primary custody to one of the parents, because the other one smoked cigarettes. (outside, never in the home) The judge literally had nothing else to base it on.

Horrible thing to do to a child, in my opinion. Parents who want 50/50 should plan to live in the same community as the other parent until their child is 18. Otherwise they should understand that 50/50 is not in their child's best interest.

I have also yet to see a 50/50 situation where eventually the children didn't get fed up with it. (usually mid-late teenage years). If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Would ANY one of us want to have to change homes every other week?

I wish someone could do a research study on how children feel about various custody arrangements. I bet it would be a real eye-opener. I would bet serious money that if children had their say, that of course their first preference would be that their parents stay together, but their second preference would be that their parents lived on the same block, so that they could move freely between houses, see both parents every day, but sleep in just one place at night.

 

[AbbaDabba730]

OG once mentioned a case here where one parent lived in OH and the other in FL and they agreed on an every other month schedule when their child was about 2...which is another horrendous schedule for a child. When it came time for the child to start school, of course it was a major battle over custody. The judge found the parents SO equal in fitness and parenting that the judge actually decided to give primary custody to one of the parents, because the other one smoked cigarettes. (outside, never in the home) The judge literally had nothing else to base it on.

Horrible thing to do to a child, in my opinion. Parents who want 50/50 should plan to live in the same community as the other parent until their child is 18. Otherwise they should understand that 50/50 is not in their child's best interest.

I have also yet to see a 50/50 situation where eventually the children didn't get fed up with it. (usually mid-late teenage years). If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Would ANY one of us want to have to change homes every other week?

I wish someone could do a research study on how children feel about various custody arrangements. I bet it would be a real eye-opener.

I think 50/50 is a wonderful thing for most kids, but if parents actually thought about what was best for the child 50/50 for parents 3 hours apart is not best for the child and they should know that. Unfortunatley it seems the parents are too interested in what is best for them.

And it would be interesting to see a study on it, not just 50/50 but high conflict custody battles. The children I am sure are the ones who end up suffering.

 

[LdiJ]

I think 50/50 is a wonderful thing for most kids, but if parents actually thought about what was best for the child 50/50 for parents 3 hours apart is not best for the child and they should know that. Unfortunatley it seems the parents are too interested in what is best for them.

And it would be interesting to see a study on it, not just 50/50 but high conflict custody battles. The children I am sure are the ones who end up suffering.

I am less enamoured of 50/50. I have worked with children in lots of capacities in my lifetime and they tend to confide in me. I have to tell you that universally the kids in 50/50 situations who confided in me, really hated it, but never wanted their parents to know, because they didn't want to hurt either parent's feelings. They hated the changes in routines, changes in rules, changes in "stuff" between households. The ones who had siblings in both homes often expressed feelings of being a visitor in both homes, because their siblings didn't have to switch.

Some children of course had a preference for one parent over another, for all kinds of different reasons. Others didn't have a preference but still wanted just one "home".

My ex and I worked things so our daughter saw both of us nearly every day, (Sunday was about the only day he didn't see her) but she lived at my house and overnights at her dad's were special occasion/slumber party sort of things. It suited both of our lifestyles. Many times I overheard her friends expressing envy that her mom and dad got along so well and that she didn't have to "switch" all the time.

I knew one family that I considered to be the "poster children" for making it work. They lived in the same subdivision and allowed the children to freely move between both homes, but each had nights where the children slept at their homes. The children got to hang out with the same friends, do the same activities, ride the same bus back and forth to school, but both children, in their teenage years, rebelled against 50/50 and wanted to live with just one parent.

Like I said before, I don't think that any of us would want to change homes every other week...why would we think that our children would feel any differently?

 

[gr8rn]

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HMMMMM....it appears lillithsmiths PM's are off. So you conveniently turned them OFF after you got the PM to/from the alter ego...

 

[gr8rn]

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HMMMM... curiouser and curiouser. Jeckyl does not accept PM's either...

 

[Proserpina]

HMMMM... curiouser and curiouser. Jeckyl does not accept PM's either...

Funny, that.

 

[mistoffolees]

I am less enamoured of 50/50. I have worked with children in lots of capacities in my lifetime and they tend to confide in me. I have to tell you that universally the kids in 50/50 situations who confided in me, really hated it, but never wanted their parents to know, because they didn't want to hurt either parent's feelings. They hated the changes in routines, changes in rules, changes in "stuff" between households. The ones who had siblings in both homes often expressed feelings of being a visitor in both homes, because their siblings didn't have to switch.

Some children of course had a preference for one parent over another, for all kinds of different reasons. Others didn't have a preference but still wanted just one "home".

My ex and I worked things so our daughter saw both of us nearly every day, (Sunday was about the only day he didn't see her) but she lived at my house and overnights at her dad's were special occasion/slumber party sort of things. It suited both of our lifestyles. Many times I overheard her friends expressing envy that her mom and dad got along so well and that she didn't have to "switch" all the time.

I knew one family that I considered to be the "poster children" for making it work. They lived in the same subdivision and allowed the children to freely move between both homes, but each had nights where the children slept at their homes. The children got to hang out with the same friends, do the same activities, ride the same bus back and forth to school, but both children, in their teenage years, rebelled against 50/50 and wanted to live with just one parent.

Like I said before, I don't think that any of us would want to change homes every other week...why would we think that our children would feel any differently?

Just to point out - not everyone sees it the way Ldij does. Some kids adapt very well to 50:50 and are very comfortable with it. My daughter is thriving with an alternating week schedule.

Of course, it helps if the parents are flexible and close enough that the "I left xxxx at Mom's and I need it for school" is not a disaster.

 

[ecmst12]

Teenagers always find SOMETHING to rebel against.

 

[LdiJ]

Just to point out - not everyone sees it the way Ldij does. Some kids adapt very well to 50:50 and are very comfortable with it. My daughter is thriving with an alternating week schedule.

Of course, it helps if the parents are flexible and close enough that the "I left xxxx at Mom's and I need it for school" is not a disaster.

Misto...I can just about guarantee that a lot of the parents of children whose confided in me believed that their children "thrived" in a 50/50 environment. My very best friend in the world had a 50/50 schedule with her daughter and their daughter ran away from both of them at age 15, stating that she just couldn't handle it anymore and both of them were truly fit parents.

However you are absolutely correct. Flexible parents make 50/50 work the best for children...which is one of the reasons why 50/50 almost never gets ordered in my state unless its an agreed order.

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto...I can just about guarantee that a lot of the parents of children whose confided in me believed that their children "thrived" in a 50/50 environment. My very best friend in the world had a 50/50 schedule with her daughter and their daughter ran away from both of them at age 15, stating that she just couldn't handle it anymore and both of them were truly fit parents.

Yes, LD. We know that you know my daughter better than I do. And you know all those kids better than their parents do.