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change in visitation or a custody modification??

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LOL Taking a POLL.. seeings how it appears I have stepped on alot of toes..lol

How many of you that responded to my post are the PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL PARENT Mother and NON Custodial Parents Fathers???

Thanks again for all of YOUR opinions. In fact I did get a good laugh out of it and so did MY HUSBAND The NON CUSTODIAL PARENT..

KEEP PREACHING THE GOSPEL !!
 


CJane

Senior Member
ConcerndStepmom said:
LOL Taking a POLL.. seeings how it appears I have stepped on alot of toes..lol

How many of you that responded to my post are the PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL PARENT Mother and NON Custodial Parents Fathers???

Thanks again for all of YOUR opinions. In fact I did get a good laugh out of it and so did MY HUSBAND The NON CUSTODIAL PARENT..

KEEP PREACHING THE GOSPEL !!
I am a joint custodial mother.. my ex and I split the kids 60/40, with me having them most of the time. Up until January, his wife provided child care for both kids after school and on all school holidays that I wasn't off work. My ex attempted to use this as a reason to gain full custody. He was informed that his wife providing child care was NOT counted as parenting time.

His wife was just as over-involved as you appear to be. She was told in no uncertain terms by the GAL to back off and let the PARENTS of the children be parents, and she should simply be playing a supporting role to her husband, as she had no say in the lives of the children, other than what he was willing to grant her - and only then if my toes were not stepped on in the process.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
ConcerndStepmom said:
LOL Taking a POLL.. seeings how it appears I have stepped on alot of toes..lol

How many of you that responded to my post are the PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL PARENT Mother and NON Custodial Parents Fathers???

Thanks again for all of YOUR opinions. In fact I did get a good laugh out of it and so did MY HUSBAND The NON CUSTODIAL PARENT..

KEEP PREACHING THE GOSPEL !!
I am NEITHER...
I am a STEPMOTHER. However, unlike you I am a step-mother that knows my place.
I am a step-mother who helps with the day to day things ....
I am a step-mother who loves my step-daughter AS IF she was one of my own...
I am a step-mother who is the glorified babysitter who does the laundry, the transportation, etc... everything a mother does

BUT...
When it comes to major decisions or even many minor ones (such as going here or there) that is strictly between mom and dad and I just get told what needs to be done.

She is NOT my child, she HAS two parents for that.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
Situations like this remind me of a scene in the movie "Secret Window." It wasn't exactly the same but the point was clear.

The wife brought her new boyfriend with her to the attorney's office where they were going over the settlement agreement. As she is looking at it her boyfriend is ALL leaned over reading over her shoulder. The husband obviously was irritated and commented about it. The b/f was all defensive about how if it involved her it involved him.. etc...

The b/f was told under no uncertain terms if the husband didn't mind there wasn't an issue, however it seemed that he did and the husband was correct that it was NONE of his business and the b/f was sent outside.

It is the same way with step-parents who continually get involved in stuff they have no business doing or their 'help' is not welcome.
 

Noelle_71

Member
ConcerndStepmom said:
LOL Taking a POLL.. seeings how it appears I have stepped on alot of toes..lol

How many of you that responded to my post are the PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL PARENT Mother and NON Custodial Parents Fathers???

Thanks again for all of YOUR opinions. In fact I did get a good laugh out of it and so did MY HUSBAND The NON CUSTODIAL PARENT..

KEEP PREACHING THE GOSPEL !!
Wow, you *really* do think this is funny. That is not only sad, but twisted.
Here's my suggestion.
Have your husband file for a modification.
You go with him so you can have your say.
Let us know what happens, but I'll bet most of us already know.
Oh, by the way, some counseling for you might help get a perspective, a healthy perspective on parenting for you.
 

Halls

Member
Oh I see, because we are all giving you pretty much the same advice you are all thinking we are the CP mom, right? LMAO!

Frankly if I am the NCP or the CP, or neither is none of your business. You came here seeking answers and we gave them to you.

You need serious help. Your stepkids are not yours, you are nothing but a legal stranger to them.

Look, here is the deal. Your dear hubby picked this woman to be the mother of his children. If she is so bad like you say that says more about him than it does her. He picked her and if he wants to sit and complain he has no one else to blame but himself.

Obviously all you are wanting is a pat on the back and a bunch of other like minded stepmoms telling you that you are right and how awful that mom is. This is a site that gives legal advice from non biased opinions from CP's and NCP's.

There is a lawyer on here who's name is IAAL. I dare you to post directly to IAAL your legal questions and I promise you that you will getthe same response we have given you.

Laugh all you want, we ar right and you are pathetic. I suggest you seek counseling asap because you are a way over involved stepmother who refuses to see her place.
 
I personally don't care who is an Attorney or Judge on here. They like YOU are only fimiliar with what has been posted on here. YOU have not SEEN anything in person there for you have no clue as to what goes on in REALITY.

Yes my husband married this woman, like so many do for all the wrong REASONS. They were young right out of high school. She got preggo like so many do and "say you are the father". His parents pressured him into doing what they thought was the RIGHT thing to do. MARRY HER, SHE'S PREGGO WITH "YOUR" child so he did. She moved in with him at his parents house.

She filed for divorce in 2003 and moved in with her parents. He moved in with me. Three months after that her own parents kicked her out of their home. So she called his parents and asked if she could move back in with them.

She got preggo with her 2nd child in 2004 once again YOU ARE THE FATHER.. DNA TEST proved differently

But as I had already stated he was threatened with is you don't pick the baby up you will get your other daughter either. Time passed he got attached to the new baby. Even having the paternity test done HE FOUGHT TO REMAIN HER LEGAL FATHER.

She moved out of his parents (paternal Grandparents) house March 2005. In with a male friend as room mates. One month later she meets a guy April 2005 moves him in as well.
At this point Husband is being denied all visitation with both daughters. She gets preggo again June 2005 with her 3rd child.

By the way 2nd child has no KNOWN BIO DAD because the mother refused to get him involved. Another reason My husband fought to remain her legal father. Because he is and has been the only father the child has known. Until she moves b/f in 2 days after she meets him and introduces him as "Daddy". And denies hubby of any visitation or contact with his daughters.

My Hubby, his Parents (paternal grandparents), Her Parents (maternal grandparents) and myself the (Step Mother) have all taken care of these girls. Provided the love and support they need on a day to day basis unconditionally.

POINT to be made.. before you go to getting irrational. MOTHER needs to step up to the plate. There is more to being a MOTHER than supplying a bed for them to sleep in which is the only thing that she has ever said in court. I HAVE MORE OVER NIGHT STAYS!! Well duh freakin dew.. Now the question is that till this day she will never be able to answer is..
HOW MUCH PHYSICAL TIME (quality time) do you spend with the kids.. Which is an hour or two a night before putting them to bed.
 

Halls

Member
ConcerndStepmom said:
I personally don't care who is an Attorney or Judge on here. They like YOU are only fimiliar with what has been posted on here. YOU have not SEEN anything in person there for you have no clue as to what goes on in REALITY.

Yes my husband married this woman, like so many do for all the wrong REASONS. They were young right out of high school. She got preggo like so many do and "say you are the father". His parents pressured him into doing what they thought was the RIGHT thing to do. MARRY HER, SHE'S PREGGO WITH "YOUR" child so he did. She moved in with him at his parents house.

Wow, you make it sound like your poor hubby was pushed and jerked into sleeping with the mother of his child and forced to marry her. No one goes and has sex and marries someone unless that is what they want, no matter what your pathetic excuse for him is

She filed for divorce in 2003 and moved in with her parents. He moved in with me. Three months after that her own parents kicked her out of their home. So she called his parents and asked if she could move back in with them.

So, your dear hubby got served with divorce papers and immediately moved in with you? real classy guy. Making me think you and him might have started something before he was served with divorce papers. And him living with you before the divorce is final while he is still married? Shows you are both irresponsible. Maybe instead of having opinions on the mom being irresponsible you might want to consider looking at yourself.
She got preggo with her 2nd child in 2004 once again YOU ARE THE FATHER.. DNA TEST proved differently

But as I had already stated he was threatened with is you don't pick the baby up you will get your other daughter either. Time passed he got attached to the new baby. Even having the paternity test done HE FOUGHT TO REMAIN HER LEGAL FATHER.

Well, congrats to him for wanting to be a father to this child that isn't his. He gets one point for that, but so far he isn't looking so good.

She moved out of his parents (paternal Grandparents) house March 2005. In with a male friend as room mates. One month later she meets a guy April 2005 moves him in as well.
At this point Husband is being denied all visitation with both daughters. She gets preggo again June 2005 with her 3rd child.

By the way 2nd child has no KNOWN BIO DAD because the mother refused to get him involved. Another reason My husband fought to remain her legal father. Because he is and has been the only father the child has known. Until she moves b/f in 2 days after she meets him and introduces him as "Daddy". And denies hubby of any visitation or contact with his daughters.

My Hubby, his Parents (paternal grandparents), Her Parents (maternal grandparents) and myself the (Step Mother) have all taken care of these girls. Provided the love and support they need on a day to day basis unconditionally.

Oh, you forgot their mother as well, but that's right, you consider yourself the mom and not the actual real mother to these children.


POINT to be made.. before you go to getting irrational. MOTHER needs to step up to the plate. There is more to being a MOTHER than supplying a bed for them to sleep in which is the only thing that she has ever said in court. I HAVE MORE OVER NIGHT STAYS!! Well duh freakin dew.. Now the question is that till this day she will never be able to answer is..
HOW MUCH PHYSICAL TIME (quality time) do you spend with the kids.. Which is an hour or two a night before putting them to bed.
Who are you to say what the time is like between the mother and her children? Oh, I forgot, your more important and know everything. by the way, how old are you? You and your hubby seem like a couple of young immature adults. I think no one here has been irrational. If you think this is irrational you haven't seen a thing. We just tell people like you the truth and don't sugar coat it. You are an overinvolved jealous SM who wants to be mother to kids that aren't hers. That about says it all to me and to everyone here that read your post.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What you honestly don't understand is that you haven't stepped on any toes at all. You are assuming that you are being bashed by alot of custodial mothers because you have offended them, when in reality you are being told the truth by people who have seen, time after time again, stepparents total their spouse's case.

You are exhibiting almost every mistake that a stepparent makes. If we can see that, then the judge or any other court professional involved with the case will see that too.
On top of that your husband is in a precarious position where the baby is concerned. If mom should pull the biological father into the mix, particularly while the child is still very young, your husband could lose his legal fatherhood.

So, the very best advice that I can give you is to step back and to recognize that these are not your children.
 

ceara19

Senior Member
ConcerndStepmom said:
LOL Taking a POLL.. seeings how it appears I have stepped on alot of toes..lol

How many of you that responded to my post are the PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL PARENT Mother and NON Custodial Parents Fathers???

Thanks again for all of YOUR opinions. In fact I did get a good laugh out of it and so did MY HUSBAND The NON CUSTODIAL PARENT..

KEEP PREACHING THE GOSPEL !!
I was married to a non-custodial parent, so I have been there. Not only was I the STEP mother to HIS biological child, I was also the step mom to his child's older sibling. I have also had the step children live with ME for extended periods of time. I say ME because my ex husband was out of town working for MONTHS at a time. Even when I was the ONLY "parent" raising the children for months on end, I NEVER tried to replace their MOTHER. I also never referred to her as their BIO mom.

I also made sure that my ex continued the $1000 a month child support payment. Since he was gone so much because of his line of work, I knew there was very little chance for him to get legal custody of his child and NO CHANCE of either of us getting legal custody of the older child. It was well worth $1K a month to make sure the kids were taken care of.

I spent a lot of time biting my tongue, but it was not in the CHILDREN'S BEST INTERESTS to do otherwise. Their mother went through a period where she was MUCH, MUCH worse then your husband's ex has even thought about being. Not once did I ever expect to be patted on the back for going above and beyond the call of duty for a step parent.

I'm now friends with mom and still involved with the kids, even though I'm no longer married to the father. I never tried to make myself any more then a STEP parent. The kids and their mother still introduce me as their "other mom".

I am now the ONLY parent to my own 2 children, so I am very well aware of what an UNFIT parent really is. Your husband's ex may not win mother of the year, but she is far from being unfit.

You haven't stepped on MY toes. You are stepping on the MOTHER'S toes and I doubt that you will like the consequences if you continue.
 
You see that's where you are wrong again.

I am 37 years old by the way.. I was married for 13 years. Married the first time when I was 18 had my first child when I was 25 second child at 27 third child at 30 and all by the same FATHER. My first marriage ended in Domestic Violence and drug abuse after my last child was 16 months old. I have custody of my three children who are now 13, 11 and 8 who indeed have a wonderful relationship with their father.

I am such a bad person that I could have just cut them off from him forever BUT did I nooooooooo.. WHY because thses are his children. His abuse was directed towards me only, physically, mentally and emotionally. He never physically abused them but they were as a result mentally and emotionally abused by hearing and seeing the abuse he enflicted on me. The first year was tough (nightmares and so forth). He got help and maintained his relationship with our kids and I was very supportive all the way. Now they are wonderful they do great in school as well.

Their father remarried 5 months after our relationship ended which was in 2000, last year that marriage ended as well due to Domestic Violence and drugs. He went to jail and just recently got out and now on community control (house arrest) and will be for the next two years. Only being able to leave his house to go to work and then back home. He is living with his mother because he lost everything before he went to jail due to drugs. My fault ? My kids Fault? NO!! Should they suffer? They have spent every weekend with him since he got out. His visitation is supervised by the way.

He understands and takes responsibility for his actions. We communicate great. If I have concerns or issues which is very seldom I do let him know.

See I am NOT as bad as you all think I am.. If my Husband would have made the original post seeings how he is just as aware of the problems that exsist in his situation that everyone else. And stood right here with me while I made the post. Would have it made a difference as to how you all responded?? Of course it would have.

To who that said that he needs to watch out that he might have his legal rights taken away if the MOTHER reveals that bio dad.. WRONG that was made clear at the final hearing she had 4 previous attempts to bring this party in but refused to. As far as the possible father their are 5 possibilities and the all knew she was preggo they all knew that she was married they all knew my husband at the time and they all were suppose to be my husbands FRIENDS. So will they have rights to his child. NONE at all. Court Order says so.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
ConcerndStepmom said:
LOL Taking a POLL.. seeings how it appears I have stepped on alot of toes..lol

How many of you that responded to my post are the PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL PARENT Mother and NON Custodial Parents Fathers???

Thanks again for all of YOUR opinions. In fact I did get a good laugh out of it and so did MY HUSBAND The NON CUSTODIAL PARENT..

KEEP PREACHING THE GOSPEL !!
Actually I am a parent, stepparent and attorney who practices family law. If you dont like the legal answer I gave you you are bound to get a hard wake up in court.
 

Halls

Member
Your right, so sorry. We don't know anything we are talking about and you are 100% in the right. Your perfect and your hubby is a saint. We should have just lied to you and not given the correct advice.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
ConcerndStepmom said:
I personally don't care who is an Attorney or Judge on here. They like YOU are only fimiliar with what has been posted on here. YOU have not SEEN anything in person there for you have no clue as to what goes on in REALITY.

And what we have seen on here is an egotistical narrowminded stepparent overstepping her bounds legally.

Yes my husband married this woman, like so many do for all the wrong REASONS. They were young right out of high school. She got preggo like so many do and "say you are the father". His parents pressured him into doing what they thought was the RIGHT thing to do. MARRY HER, SHE'S PREGGO WITH "YOUR" child so he did. She moved in with him at his parents house.

So what. He was an adult (or at least adult enough to have sex). He could have said no. And she did nto get pregnant. HE Had a role in it too so for you to decide that your husband is a saint who didn't drop his pants and screw her to create a child is ridiculous and shows where your mind in. She didn't get preggo all by her lonesome. your husband made a decision which apparently he was not adult enough to make if he is going to blame everyone else for why he married her.

She filed for divorce in 2003 and moved in with her parents. He moved in with me. Three months after that her own parents kicked her out of their home. So she called his parents and asked if she could move back in with them.


So he moved in with you before he was divorced and you are casting stones. Lovely.

She got preggo with her 2nd child in 2004 once again YOU ARE THE FATHER.. DNA TEST proved differently

But as I had already stated he was threatened with is you don't pick the baby up you will get your other daughter either.

Really? he wasn't smart enough to go court and get a court order giving him visitation? He didn't decide that he wanted a court order stating that he got the child? And if he did he could have used contempt against dear old ex in order to make sure he got his kid. Oh but it is too easy to blame mom. I see.

Time passed he got attached to the new baby. Even having the paternity test done HE FOUGHT TO REMAIN HER LEGAL FATHER.

Fought where? how? Did he ever go to court? What do those court orders say now? When is he go get time with his daughter?

She moved out of his parents (paternal Grandparents) house March 2005. In with a male friend as room mates. One month later she meets a guy April 2005 moves him in as well.
At this point Husband is being denied all visitation with both daughters. She gets preggo again June 2005 with her 3rd child.

CONTEMPT IF THERE IS A COURT ORDER. Oh I know, he didn't want to do that. Too much hassle but you whining to us is a great method of solving the problem.

By the way 2nd child has no KNOWN BIO DAD because the mother refused to get him involved. Another reason My husband fought to remain her legal father. Because he is and has been the only father the child has known. Until she moves b/f in 2 days after she meets him and introduces him as "Daddy". And denies hubby of any visitation or contact with his daughters.

Again contempt. Oh but you are not that concerned apparently.

My Hubby, his Parents (paternal grandparents), Her Parents (maternal grandparents) and myself the (Step Mother) have all taken care of these girls. Provided the love and support they need on a day to day basis unconditionally.

Dad should then try to be responsible and get mom on contempt. really. If she is not following the court order he should go for contempt. And providing and support to his children or from the grandparents to the grandchild or even stepparent to child is called family. However dad is the only one of the group that has legal rights. YOU AND GRANDPARENTS HAVE NONE! Back off and grow up already.

POINT to be made.. before you go to getting irrational. MOTHER needs to step up to the plate. There is more to being a MOTHER than supplying a bed for them to sleep in which is the only thing that she has ever said in court. I HAVE MORE OVER NIGHT STAYS!! Well duh freakin dew.. Now the question is that till this day she will never be able to answer is..
HOW MUCH PHYSICAL TIME (quality time) do you spend with the kids.. Which is an hour or two a night before putting them to bed.
When is dad going to grow a pair and decide to step up to the plate and enforce his rights and not hide behind hhis parents (who after all forced him into marriage with the ex who someone got preggo all by herself) or behind the skirts of his second wife who seems more concerned about making herself a martyr and mom a demon? Oh yeah. Probably not until he is given permission.
Until then we just get to hear you whine. Would you give the man permission already to go court if mom is in contempt? Or is it just about the money for you?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
ConcerndStepmom said:
You see that's where you are wrong again.

I am 37 years old by the way.. I was married for 13 years. Married the first time when I was 18 had my first child when I was 25 second child at 27 third child at 30 and all by the same FATHER. My first marriage ended in Domestic Violence and drug abuse after my last child was 16 months old. I have custody of my three children who are now 13, 11 and 8 who indeed have a wonderful relationship with their father.

I am such a bad person that I could have just cut them off from him forever BUT did I nooooooooo..


Actually you cannot do that. The court gets to make that decision. You are not omnipotent. You may be a PITA but you are not all powerful.

WHY because thses are his children. His abuse was
directed towards me only, physically, mentally and emotionally. He never physically abused them but they were as a result mentally and emotionally abused by hearing and seeing the abuse he enflicted on me. The first year was tough (nightmares and so forth). He got help and maintained his relationship with our kids and I was very supportive all the way. Now they are wonderful they do great in school as well.

And courts do not take away the rights of fathers because they abuse the mothers. It doesn't happen that way. So you are not a saint by the way.

Their father remarried 5 months after our relationship ended which was in 2000, last year that marriage ended as well due to Domestic Violence and drugs. He went to jail and just recently got out and now on community control (house arrest) and will be for the next two years. Only being able to leave his house to go to work and then back home. He is living with his mother because he lost everything before he went to jail due to drugs. My fault ? My kids Fault? NO!! Should they suffer? They have spent every weekend with him since he got out. His visitation is supervised by the way.

Which was a decision made by the courts not by you OP.

He understands and takes responsibility for his actions. We communicate great. If I have concerns or issues which is very seldom I do let him know.

See I am NOT as bad as you all think I am.. If my Husband would have made the original post seeings how he is just as aware of the problems that exsist in his situation that everyone else. And stood right here with me while I made the post. Would have it made a difference as to how you all responded?? Of course it would have.

Actually no it wouldn't. Because your husband apparently won't take his ex back to court for contempt if she is violating the court order for custody. But if she is not violating the order for custody then there is nothing he can do.

To who that said that he needs to watch out that he might have his legal rights taken away if the MOTHER reveals that bio dad.. WRONG that was made clear at the final hearing she had 4 previous attempts to bring this party in but refused to. As far as the possible father their are 5 possibilities and the all knew she was preggo they all knew that she was married they all knew my husband at the time and they all were suppose to be my husbands FRIENDS. So will they have rights to his child. NONE at all. Court Order says so.
Goody goody. But that doesn't change the fact that your husband is a father and to quibble over who feeds the kids -- that is what a parent does. Who buys them diapers. That is what a parent does. Good grief. He wants an excuse not to be a parent. I can give him one -- have his own rights to the girls terminated if it is such a hassle to be a provider to them.
 
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