Coach and school violating my rights...

[karma1]

just a side note or two...

You do not have to agree with what the mediator recommends and, (this I just learned recently...) you can put the mediator "on the stand" to question why the recommendations, etc......
I would not recommend doing this without an attorney but you can ask and learn how (should you want to find out the why's of whatever is recommended) via the sparc site and Socrateasers board.

 

[casa]

You do not have to agree with what the mediator recommends and, (this I just learned recently...) you can put the mediator "on the stand" to question why the recommendations, etc......
I would not recommend doing this without an attorney but you can ask and learn how (should you want to find out the why's of whatever is recommended) via the sparc site and Socrateasers board.

True, however in CA, the mediator writes their recommendations to the court (whether you agree or not) and the judge usually rules in accordance with the recommendation. If OP wanted to question the mediator, they would have to enter into a trial type situation.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Sorry to have not gotten back sooner, but I have been out all day and didn't see when this posted this morning.

I'm sorry things didn't go well, I thought you were going to contact the FLF office to have a different mediator assigned, that was the purpose of going to mediation again, to get an unbiased mediator.

I'm distressed that the mediator was already meeting with mom when dad arrived, that suggests collusion, BIAS, there should be an opportunity for both parties to present their issues on a level playing field. DD wasn't late was he, because they can start without him in that case.

Did DD present the facts that mom asked for these visitations and that they needed to be on Sat because of the children's schedules?

If the children's grades have suffered during this time and not while DD had visitation it may be because mom has interfered with their relationship with their father and not stress from the court proceedings.

Mom has been in contempt, over and over again and perjured herself to the court.

Did Mr. Therapist write his report? Was that and other evidence submitted?

How and when did the transcripts dissapear? They have to be somewhere because the court had them. You also need to print out the Fresno local rules SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA. COUNTY OF FRESNO. EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2005. CHILD CUSTODY AND VISITATION MEDIATION (FAMILY CODE ...
http://www.fresnosuperiorcourt.org/_pdfs/Fre ... 20Local%20Rules%20(7-1-05).pdf go to the Family law section, pay attention to section 34, also check mapquest door to door miles from DD home to Courthouse, if it is over 250 miles there are other options or judge descretion. Section 34-10 allows for exparte custody hearing if there is evidence of interference with visitation, section 34-11-2-d allows for challenge of mediator for reasons of bias. (CA FC 3163) Exparte communications etc might be evidence of bias.
Also check the section on the writing of orders, since the transcripts are missing and DD didn't write the order, if mom wrote the order, there is a problem, also there is a process to verify the agrements, the mediation reports, which didn't happen. It should not have taken the second hearing to get the therapist changed/clarified. Did the children come into mediation and ask for a female therapist or is it just mom? And if mom didn't contest in writing to the court in x days then her objections in mediation are moot, the mediator should know this and that mom is the one who requested the therapy in the first place. More reason to remove the mediator they are not following the current rules.

Also if #1 son has been in therapy without the court's knowledge and order, that is also forbidden. 34-4-H

PLEASE READ THESE RULES AND THE CA FAM LAW CODE SECTIONS 3100-3194 AND ANY OTHER REFERENCED CODE IN THE LOCAL RULES, TAKE THE RULES WITH YOU TO COURT NEXT WEEK AND MAKE AN EXPARTE APPLICATION TO CHANGE CUSTODY BASED ON MOM'S FAILURE TO PRESENT THE CHILDREN FOR COURT ORDERED VISITATION MADE WITHOUT ANY CONTEST. BE SURE TO GIVE THE APPROPRIATE 24 HOUR NOTICE AS PER THE RULES.BY 10 AM.
If all fails DD can request Family assessment/ EC 730 evaluation, and request mom pay since she is in contempt. Section 35 re the DA's involvement.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I haven't heard from you in a while and just found a site that should be able to help you, please check your PMs

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Update from Daddenied

I just received the following PM from DD which he asked me to post to update up all.

We havent heard from you and you promiced an update. Did you get an attorney and they said to cease all contact or something? DO you have any court dates and what was in the mediators report? Did you follow through with the posts I made re your options under the local rules?
Are you able to visit with your children for Christmas?
At least send me a PM, many on the forum are worried about you.

Please forgive me. The holidays were ugly. I did not see my children. Contempt paperwork has been filed with the help of a local attorney (friend of a friend). I am meeting with an attorney first through telephone conference next week. My father almost died so that took me away from this drama, my girlfriend's mother fell ill and now her aunt has just died. I have not heard from my children. I was calling them almost every day per the therapist, then dropped it down to every other day and now it is once a week, per the therapist. I sent their Christmas gifts and received no response, but after the holidays one of my sons left me a very short message on my work phone on a Sunday (knowing I don't work on Sundays and their mother knew that I was off through the holidays-I work at a school) and would not receive the message until after the new year. She is being uglier than ever. At the mediation she told the mediator that I was having adulterous affairs that led to the divorce with my current girlfriend. Not true and both of us will swear under oath in any court of law...she is simply jealous and I know she has turned the children away from me and my girlfriend who they had gotten along very well with. Anyway, the mediator was completely biased.

-continued-
I can't remember where we left off the last time I was on line, but Nov. 17th was mediation and the mediator said she would have to speak to the therapist first then have her report within 60 days. She never contacted him until after the new year and 2 days ago, made the 60 day cut off she filed her recommendation and I expect to get it in todays mail when I get home. I have 20 days from her date of mailing to respond. I'm sure it will not be favorable. The attorney I am talking to next week said to call him and we will discuss him representing me and replying to her report. All police reports and backup have been filed with the courts, but I do not have a court date yet. When we drove up there to file it we were told they were closing in 15 minutes and we'd get a court date in the mail.

I am discouraged and saddened by all of this, but can do nothing but go on. My girlfriend who keeps meticulous records and journals our entire saga will update you after the weekend when her family funeral is done. Sorry again for leaving you hanging. I don't have time to post this on the board. If you could, would you copy it and let them all know it is from me. Please forgive us for not getting back to you all sooner. Thank you.

Yes I will post it many have asked how you were doing.

 

[kittien2000]

Rmet: Was there not a lawyer who was posting on this board who said he would help? I cannot believe that this can go on forever, it sounds like DD is getting more and more despondent and about to give up. I know that you have helped him immensely, but I thought one of the attorney's online was going to help.

 

[Just Blue]

I don't understand why some parents are such evil pos ...why do they do this to their children?

 

[Zephyr]

I don't understand why some parents are such evil pos ...why do they do this to their children?

I agree-if only the judges could see beyond the courtroom walls

 

[UnbornChild]

This IS sad. My best to you DD.

 

[daddenied]

Jan 2006 Update

Hello Miss Met and Everyone else out there who has been so supportive. It's DD's girlfriend. He is at work on his way to school and I've finally been able to get on line and give you an update. Miss Met was kind enough to give a brief update 10 days ago. The mediators recommendation came in and we were devastated. In a nutshell is says,

1. Mom to have sole physical and legal custody. (By the way, this was never an issue. They've always shared joint legal and physical custody)

2. The 2 older sons (14 and 15 years old) don't have to see their father if they don't want to. No counseling, no visits, no nothing. That is all it says about them...that father must obey their wishes.

3. The 2 younger sons are ordered to be in individual counseling due to the "parents and their relationship posing a danger" ???? that was verbatim from the recommendations. They are ordered into individual counseling at a facility for up to one year. When their counselor says it is okay (up to a year now) then DD can see them in "therapeutic supervised visitation" (Remember this is what the last 2 judges in July and Sept ordered and the mother never complied). AFTER all of this both parents are ordered to meet together with counselor to set up visitation at the point and time.

DD's rights have been completely taken away in this recommendation. It says nothing else about visitation. To refresh everyone on what was supposed to happen. Starting July 8, 2005 mom was supposed to furnish kids 12 weeks in a row on Saturdays for therapeutic visits. When the ordered place could not accomodate order, DD had to take her back to court as she would not cooperate on her own and on Sept. 14 she was ordered to take the boys to the counselor he had already found. On Sept. 17th and 24th she brought the boys for initial assessment then refused to bring them back saying they wanted a female therapist. She violated the order. DD continued to go up every Sat. as ordered and filed police reports each time. In the interim, mother filed her own police reports stating DD showed up to watch sons practice sports at their school, showed up to their games and talked to them, etc... DD also went to a game here in LA County to see his oldest son play football and was told by the coaches he could not speak to him or be in the area. I think we updated you back then on this. Anyway, Nov. mediation was held and the same biased female mediator (we could not get it changed per the mediation office????) did not hear a thing about Mom violating current order. In fact, DD said it was never addressed. Mom insisted on saying things like " I believe he was having an affair with girlfriend while we were married, etc..." The divorce was in Dec. 2002 and I started seeing DD in May 2003, not seriously or exclusively until May 2004, not that it has any relevance at all. DD said mediatory just sat and listened to mom, never addressing the issue of her being in violation of the current order-the visits were NEVER done. We waited the 60 days to hear from the mediator and this is the end result.

Yesterday we were in Fresno and met with and retained an attorney we both feel very good about. IT has taken every dime out of our pocket, but he's tired, I'm tired and we feel beat by a woman who has been so wicked and hateful and has successfully alienated all of his sons. We sent gifts to them for Christmas and one of his sons called and left a message saying thanks, but that was it. His oldest son failed English in the Fall and Mother refuses to discuss this with DD or even address it, saying it is because DD is trying to see the boys and causing stress on them. Anyway, I thought DD stopped breathing when I read the mediators report on Jan. 20th, but we've put all of our faith in God and have decided to turn this over to this attorney and leave it in his and God's hands. There is not much more we can do and all he can do is all he can do. Contempt paperwork was filed again (it was returned for missing documents ) and the attorney had us refile it. He is filing substitute of attorney and filing an objection before next Tues when it is due.

We appreciate all the help you all have been offering. Please keep DD in your prayers. We have an ugly semester ahead of us. HE is in his final (finally ) semester of his masters program and I am actually finishing mine in the FAll. And, if all goes well enter Law School next fall. F/T work has us extremely busy, so thank you, thank you. I'll try to be better about responding. I don't think DD feels emotionally fit to write or speak about this issue at this time. HE sends his gratitude.

 

[daddenied]

One more thing...

We were wondering when we drove back from Fresno last night... will a judge even hold her responsible for not having the boys attend therapeutic counseling visits with their father? Our attorney said the contempt motion will be very hard especially since he feels DD got lost in the court paperwork since he was on his own and feel through the cracks. HE also said that mediatory recommended this madness even after the current order hadn't been followed. ???? Does DD have a chance with the contempt motion or is he just out of luck?

 

[daddenied]

Did DD present the facts that mom asked for these visitations and that they needed to be on Sat because of the children's schedules?


Yes. Mediator did not address, saying it was all done and over with and it was her job to make a decision


If the children's grades have suffered during this time and not while DD had visitation it may be because mom has interfered with their relationship with their father and not stress from the court proceedings.

We agree, but mom and mediator not listening.


Mom has been in contempt, over and over again and perjured herself to the court.

Did Mr. Therapist write his report? Was that and other evidence submitted?

Everything was submitted. Therapist said Mediator only got in contact with him 55 days after the mediation-5 days before it was due. Mediator states DD has personal relationship with therapist. Yet, the only relationship he has with therapist is because it was court ordered and Mom never brought kids after assessment.

How and when did the transcripts dissapear? They have to be somewhere because the court had them.

It's the freakiest thing. No one has any idea where the transcripts are. We have made 3 separate trips specifically to get transcripts from July 22nd through Dec. 12th and have come up with nothing. Whenever we get someone live to help us they say they will call back and NOTHING. ???

You also need to print out the Fresno local rules SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA. COUNTY OF FRESNO. EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2005. CHILD CUSTODY AND VISITATION MEDIATION (FAMILY CODE ...
http://www.fresnosuperiorcourt.org/_pdfs/Fre ... 20Local%20Rules%20(7-1-05).pdf go to the Family law section, pay attention to section 34, also check mapquest door to door miles from DD home to Courthouse, if it is over 250 miles there are other options or judge descretion. Section 34-10 allows for exparte custody hearing if there is evidence of interference with visitation, section 34-11-2-d allows for challenge of mediator for reasons of bias. (CA FC 3163) Exparte communications etc might be evidence of bias.
Also check the section on the writing of orders, since the transcripts are missing and DD didn't write the order, if mom wrote the order, there is a problem, also there is a process to verify the agrements, the mediation reports, which didn't happen. It should not have taken the second hearing to get the therapist changed/clarified. Did the children come into mediation and ask for a female therapist or is it just mom?

Two sons saw him in assessment the 1st week and the 2 older ones say him the 2nd week. The kids agreed to start calling DD and speaking to him and coming on Sat. to give DD a "second chance" (that wording used by therapist almost killed DD-What second chance?! He never felt he did anything wrong the first time around! Anyway, mom called counselor said they felt "manipulated" by counselor (if you knew these boys you would know they don't even know the meaning of the word manipulated much less would ever use it). It is their mom's word. She told counselor they felt unsafe and insisted on a female therapist. Mom never contested it in court. She threatened through email if DD didn't get a female therapist and change it in the courts she would take legal action. We believe she just wanted to further stall treatment which she did.

And if mom didn't contest in writing to the court in x days then her objections in mediation are moot, the mediator should know this and that mom is the one who requested the therapy in the first place. More reason to remove the mediator they are not following the current rules.

We have been trying to make this point. No one is hearing us. Hopefully our new attorney can take care of all of this.


Thanks!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

We were wondering when we drove back from Fresno last night... will a judge even hold her responsible for not having the boys attend therapeutic counseling visits with their father? Our attorney said the contempt motion will be very hard especially since he feels DD got lost in the court paperwork since he was on his own and feel through the cracks. HE also said that mediatory recommended this madness even after the current order hadn't been followed. ???? Does DD have a chance with the contempt motion or is he just out of luck?

This is just the mediation report it is not the judges orders, please go back and reread the options from the local rules for the next step in this process, the attorney will help with this as well. The mediator is not the last word there is an appeal process , family study. ec730, GAL etc don't give up.

 

[dallas702]

I empathize with you both, but you are finding out the hardest way that the Family Court system is one of the most biased legal operations in existance. We rail about the virtual enslavement of women and children in Muslim and some other countries, but our family courts have seemingly dedicated their power to beating the hell out of dads who try to be involved with their children. You have to get the most "influential" attorney you can if you want to get any hint of fairness. I don't mean "influential" in the sense of big name bullshirters. I mean one who will demand that the judge rule within the intent of the law as well as the letter. One who knows what ALL the options are and has a good record of winning for their clients. Lots of lawyers talk big when you are considering hiring them, but only a few really deliver what you need consistently.

I know you have contacted one already, but I suggest you contact a branch of Equal Rights for Divorced Fathers (or one of the other Dad's rights groups). They know which attorneys can deal and which ones just talk and take the dough.

Dad's other option is to begin the painful process of sewing his heart shut, leaving his kids in the hands of his bitch of an ex, and get on with the rest of his life without all of them. If the older kids don't want to see him he needs to let them know he's not going to be their emotional whipping boy or an "at-will santa". It sounds harsh, but the alternative may be spending every emotional, financial, and marital ounce of blood fighting a system that won't ever let him win.

Maybe he'll get lucky and it will all change, but it won't be because the judge sees Jesus and becomes a more understanding person overnight. He/she obviously has a hard spot for dad. OTH, maybe Jesus and a lightning bolt is the only answer.

 

[casa]

Did DD present the facts that mom asked for these visitations and that they needed to be on Sat because of the children's schedules?


Yes. Mediator did not address, saying it was all done and over with and it was her job to make a decision


If the children's grades have suffered during this time and not while DD had visitation it may be because mom has interfered with their relationship with their father and not stress from the court proceedings.

We agree, but mom and mediator not listening.


Mom has been in contempt, over and over again and perjured herself to the court.

Did Mr. Therapist write his report? Was that and other evidence submitted?

Everything was submitted. Therapist said Mediator only got in contact with him 55 days after the mediation-5 days before it was due. Mediator states DD has personal relationship with therapist. Yet, the only relationship he has with therapist is because it was court ordered and Mom never brought kids after assessment.

How and when did the transcripts dissapear? They have to be somewhere because the court had them.

It's the freakiest thing. No one has any idea where the transcripts are. We have made 3 separate trips specifically to get transcripts from July 22nd through Dec. 12th and have come up with nothing. Whenever we get someone live to help us they say they will call back and NOTHING. ???

You also need to print out the Fresno local rules SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA. COUNTY OF FRESNO. EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2005. CHILD CUSTODY AND VISITATION MEDIATION (FAMILY CODE ...
http://www.fresnosuperiorcourt.org/_pdfs/Fre ... 20Local%20Rules%20(7-1-05).pdf go to the Family law section, pay attention to section 34, also check mapquest door to door miles from DD home to Courthouse, if it is over 250 miles there are other options or judge descretion. Section 34-10 allows for exparte custody hearing if there is evidence of interference with visitation, section 34-11-2-d allows for challenge of mediator for reasons of bias. (CA FC 3163) Exparte communications etc might be evidence of bias.
Also check the section on the writing of orders, since the transcripts are missing and DD didn't write the order, if mom wrote the order, there is a problem, also there is a process to verify the agrements, the mediation reports, which didn't happen. It should not have taken the second hearing to get the therapist changed/clarified. Did the children come into mediation and ask for a female therapist or is it just mom?

Two sons saw him in assessment the 1st week and the 2 older ones say him the 2nd week. The kids agreed to start calling DD and speaking to him and coming on Sat. to give DD a "second chance" (that wording used by therapist almost killed DD-What second chance?! He never felt he did anything wrong the first time around! Anyway, mom called counselor said they felt "manipulated" by counselor (if you knew these boys you would know they don't even know the meaning of the word manipulated much less would ever use it). It is their mom's word. She told counselor they felt unsafe and insisted on a female therapist. Mom never contested it in court. She threatened through email if DD didn't get a female therapist and change it in the courts she would take legal action. We believe she just wanted to further stall treatment which she did.

And if mom didn't contest in writing to the court in x days then her objections in mediation are moot, the mediator should know this and that mom is the one who requested the therapy in the first place. More reason to remove the mediator they are not following the current rules.

We have been trying to make this point. No one is hearing us. Hopefully our new attorney can take care of all of this.


Thanks!

DD's attorney should certainly address that they do not accept the mediator's recommendation...and also request a GAL/Minor's Counsel and, or, a 730 evaluation. Mom will not 'slide' through a 730 evaluation.

This has more to do with status quo than it does bias...courts not wanting to change existing schedules/custody arrangements, etc.

It seems DD did fall through the cracks...Missing transcripts are certainly a concern. Attorney will be able to find them quicker and go from here.

Unfortunately, having an attorney vs not having an attorney is what made the difference in this case.

Keep Hoping and Following through. Good luck to you both in school