Few questions? Any advice?

[CJane]

Good lord. Every time I hope that my ex's wife is the only one of her ilk, another one creeps out of the murk and makes herself known.

Bleh.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

OP-YOU have succeeded in ruining these girls relationship with their mother. And you feel good about it?....how sick! I also hope mom returns (if you really say SHE was the one who cut contact) and mother those girls til it sickens you. Shame on your weak Husband for letting YOU make motions (paternity) when he didnt want one? That is a sign of how overinvolved you are. Forget about adoption unless you come up with more lies to document and give to the judge. Why even think about it when they still ask about their mother. I hope Dateline does a story on people like you. Not only do we need to watch out for sexual predators and kidnappers, but over involved stepmoms.

Nope quite honestly it saddens me to se how much these girls love their Mother and for her to continue to show no interests in their well being or their love for her for that matter.
I also hope and pray that Mom returns, as she is their MOTHER and THEY deserve to have a RELATIONSHIP with her that I and my husband whole heartily <sp> encourage and support.


Lies? Which brings this to mind. I suppose Mom's PARAMOUR (legal term) again this is a LEGAL FORUM, when he told my SD that this was all her FAULT because SHE (sd) tell lies on them, is ok? I guess the girls LIED when they said their Mommy wasn't going to pick them up anymore. That she wasn't going to be THEIR Mommy anymore. The fact is FOLKS we listen to these girls, we assure them that this is NOT their fault and should not feel as if they had anything to do with it. They are continously told DAILY that their MOTHER loves them dearly. That all we can do BECAUSE. "WE" and I say we because I get asked questions as well that I DO NOT have the answers to. this information is then forwarded to the Counsler. They are professionals and deal with this type of stuff.

 

[Supermomma]

I really, really hope you don't say crap about him not being the bio dad in front of this kid. Because you seem to keep bringing it up and bringing it up. It's obviously a sore spot for you. I grew up thinking my stepdad was my dad-he came along when I was very young and I don't remember life before him. when I was about 8 my cousins and I were playing and they started saying all this HORRIBLE stuff about him "not being my real dad". It was a very shocking thing to find out. After that I got lots of references from family about not being his "REAL" daughter. It was a very painful thing to hear growing up. I STILL have issues about it. Are you heartless? I think you resent this kid because there had been a POSSIBILITY that it was your husbands. Obviously you KNOW he was sleeping with his ex if there was a chance it could be his. Even if she ISN'T his she is a constant reminder to you that he went out and played around. It's not HER damned fault!

Hearing you harp, over and over, about her not being his, just makes me very sad and actually sick to my stomach. I'm THIRTY years old and it STILL hurts when relatives make their "casual" comments about my dad not being my dad. He' the only dad i've ever had.

You can bet if they still have those kids she is going to routinely fill their head with crap to alienate them more from the only mother they know until they are brainwashed into thinking mom doesnt love them anymore. This is why mom is so distraught now and probably feels they are mentally gone from her. I hope she doesnt give up, because this woman is truly a sociopath with these kids.

 

[Isis1]

she is STILL at it!!

 

[escape2paradise]

Nope quite honestly it saddens me to se how much these girls love their Mother and for her to continue to show no interests in their well being or their love for her for that matter.
I also hope and pray that Mom returns, as she is their MOTHER and THEY deserve to have a RELATIONSHIP with her that I and my husband whole heartily <sp> encourage and support.


Lies? Which brings this to mind. I suppose Mom's PARAMOUR (legal term) again this is a LEGAL FORUM, when he told my SD that this was all her FAULT because SHE (sd) tell lies on them, is ok? I guess the girls LIED when they said their Mommy wasn't going to pick them up anymore. That she wasn't going to be THEIR Mommy anymore. The fact is FOLKS we listen to these girls, we assure them that this is NOT their fault and should not feel as if they had anything to do with it. They are continously told DAILY that their MOTHER loves them dearly. That all we can do BECAUSE. "WE" and I say we because I get asked questions as well that I DO NOT have the answers to. this information is then forwarded to the Counsler. They are professionals and deal with this type of stuff.

I think you are the one that needs therapy. That aside, give the woman a break! You have beat her down at every turn, she has lost her children.

I don't believe for a minute that you are trying to facilitate a relationship between these girls and their mother. You after all, can't wait until mom is gone two weeks before plotting to remove her totally from their lives.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

I really, really hope you don't say crap about him not being the bio dad in front of this kid. Because you seem to keep bringing it up and bringing it up. It's obviously a sore spot for you. I grew up thinking my stepdad was my dad-he came along when I was very young and I don't remember life before him. when I was about 8 my cousins and I were playing and they started saying all this HORRIBLE stuff about him "not being my real dad". It was a very shocking thing to find out. After that I got lots of references from family about not being his "REAL" daughter. It was a very painful thing to hear growing up. I STILL have issues about it. Are you heartless? I think you resent this kid because there had been a POSSIBILITY that it was your husbands. Obviously you KNOW he was sleeping with his ex if there was a chance it could be his. Even if she ISN'T his she is a constant reminder to you that he went out and played around. It's not HER damned fault!

Hearing you harp, over and over, about her not being his, just makes me very sad and actually sick to my stomach. I'm THIRTY years old and it STILL hurts when relatives make their "casual" comments about my dad not being my dad. He' the only dad i've ever had.

I have answered questions regarding this issues is all. I addressed that here. I DO NOT speak of this to these girls.

However their MOM has and continued to do so. That has also been discussed in one of my previous threads I do believe. Oldest SD knows, Mom told her and also told SD that her paternal grandparents are NOT youngest SD's PGP's. Youngest SD has told my husband that he is not her daddy that "T" (Mom's b/f) is her Daddy. My husband has talked with both girls and told them both that he is THEIR Daddy will always be their Daddy and no one or nothing would ever change that and that "T" is NOT and will never be. The girls have not said anything regarding this in the last 4 months. My husband has been Daddy and "T" has been that just "T" and spoke of as "T" by both SD's.

 

[summerdawn]

I have answered questions regarding this issues is all. I addressed that here. I DO NOT speak of this to these girls.

However their MOM has and continued to do so. That has also been discussed in one of my previous threads I do believe. Oldest SD knows, Mom told her and also told SD that her paternal grandparents are NOT youngest SD's PGP's. Youngest SD has told my husband that he is not her daddy that "T" (Mom's b/f) is her Daddy. My husband has talked with both girls and told them both that he is THEIR Daddy will always be their Daddy and no one or nothing would ever change that and that "T" is NOT and will never be. The girls have not said anything regarding this in the last 4 months. My husband has been Daddy and "T" has been that just "T" and spoke of as "T" by both SD's.

I hope you don't talk ABOUT it in front of them either.

You obviously think the mother is unstable. She might even think so herself at this point. I have lost custody of my children before-it was HORRIBLE-I was not functional for MONTHS afterwards. I really thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I said some of the same things: "just kill me" "It doesn't matter if I live, they took my kids" etc.-this woman is GRIEVING. My mom had my kids, she was having them call her mom, she wouldn't let me breastfeed my infant son at visits ("You eat too many gassy foods-I don't want you breastfeeding him because he gets colicky after he gets YOUR breastmilk-I'VE put him on formula since we got him and he is doing MUCH BETTER")-I can't even describe the pain I felt that everyone around me was trying to turn my mom into my kids' mother and push me completely out of the picture.

When I DID get back on my feet, I remembered EVERYTHING. I remembered all of the times I was kicked back down, the times I had hurtful things said to me (Like when I excitedly told my mom "he said mama!!" and she retorted-"he's been saying it for a WHILE-you KNOW he's not referring to YOU-he doesn't even KNOW you-he was talking to ME") I remembered going into that court room and petitioning just to breastfeed my own newborn child! I remembered ALL of it with such anger and hurt and resentment, and used it to fuel myself positively. Let me tell you resentmet and anger can be quite the fuel. I DID get my kids back-even though my mom wrote an EIGHT page letter to the judge stating why I shouldn't. Sometimes the ONLY thing I had left to keep me going was the fact that I wasn't going to let the people who stepped all over me have the satisfaction of me NOT getting my kids back.

If this mom comes back up fighting like I did, you had better watch out. She will not be the beaten down woman you have been able to run over. She's going to remember EVERYTHING-probably a lot more vididly than you do.


You may have provided her with all the fuel she needs to come back to her senses and fight for her kids.

 

[proud_parent]

OP:

Lest you think that all the naysayers on this board are unsympathetic and anti-stepmom...

• My husband was awarded sole physical and legal custody of his daughter in Nov. 2007.

• The child's mother has paid no child support since the order was entered in June 2007.

• The child's mother has twice exercised physical visitation since Dec. 2006, and not at all in the past thirteen months.

• Three weeks ago, the child's mother announced her intent to cease all telephone and physical visitation until her daughter is eighteen.

• My husband and I have known one another over seventeen years and have been married nearly five years.

Despite all of the above, I would not think of coming on this board at this juncture and asking, "How long do we wait to proceed with possible TPR & me adopting?" That would be premature, overstepping, and crass.



Back off. Pipe down. If you must ask questions, ask "How may I act positively to help my stepdaughters?", or "How can I become part of the solution and not part of the problem?"

And don't bother asking on a legal board -- ask your husband, a therapist, or a stepparent support group. Just don't ask me...I'm fresh out of helpful suggestions for you.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

You all obviously have your own opinion of me which you all are entitled to have. I appreciate them.

With that being said your opinions are of course totally the opposite of what everyone that knows me has and this is including my EX. Who hates me with a passion as I do him. We have that love/hate relationship. When it comes to our kids and their best interests our feelings of one another are put on the back burner. Of course this was not the case in the beginning. Our relationship ended with a permanent Domestic Violence Injunction that was in 1999. 2001 I wrote a letter to the Judge asking for the injunction to be dismissed due to my daughter having a accident that landed her in a full body cast confined to a hospital bed for almost 4 months. It took this for him and I to put our differences aside for the sake of our children.

As OG mentioned a couple of years ago he was in jail. 3 felony charges, 28 MM charges of all he was convicted of. Prior to his arrest he was strung out on drugs. He had massive weight loss and all the other effects that drugs have on a person. I addressed my concerns. I did not allow our children to be in his care alone as I recieved advice by a DCF worker along with an attorney that knowing my EX was on drugs and the effects that he it was having on him, if I allowed our children to go with him and something was to happen intentional or not I would be held responsible as well for allowing it. He agree'd and came to our home every weekend to see our children prior to his arrest for eluding our city police across 3 counties in a high speed chase. Did I tell my kids, absolutely not. I knew I would eventually have to lie for him when he didn't come around. But I didn't have to it made it on the Channel 3 News and the Front page of our local newspaper of which my youngest son discovered while at school. On Mondays our elementary students recieve a newspaper for them to due a current event thing for a class. Our kids were devasted. How did I deal with it? I bought books of stamps. I encouraged our kids to write their Dad at least twiced a week, draw pictures. They each mailed them seperately each and everytime. Provided Dad with the same and accepted all of his collect calls so our children could continue to have this meaniful relationship with their Dad.

He's out now and has been for almost two years. He moved in with his Mom after his release as he had lost everything he owned before he was arrested due to the drugs. He then resumed parenting time his choice one night every other weekend and Holidays. There is NO court order parenting time. Ours has been in full agreement since the DVI. He has since a month ago got his own place and has started getting our children EOW.

Our children the other night was going through their things and came across the letters their Dad sent to them. They took the letter with them this past weekend and shared them with their Dad he also pulled out their letters and pictures that they had sent him while he was away.

With that being said I am a wonderful mother and stepmother who fosters, fascilitates and encourages a relationship with my Ex as well as the MOther of my step daughters.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make the horse drink.

I nor my husband knows why Mom is not exercising her parenting time. Nor do we know why she is not accepting calls from my husband or returning the girls call when they leave messages. Other than what the girls said 3 days after they last saw their Mom. As I stated prior to this Mom was seeing the girls, she accepted calls and/or returned calls when messages were left.

The only issue prior to this was no C/S and Mom not accepting graded papers from school, school news letters, progress report, Therapy appt. or Doctors appointments she would hand them back to my husband and ask why he was giving her them for that he had custody of them now. Oldest SD tried a few times to give Mom drawings or things she has made at school only for Mom to tell her to just leave it here?

Enjoy yet another ConcerndStepmom -----> Again this is my fault how? That's right it isn't. Thanks OG .. I do read and learn.

 

[Ohiogal]

With that being said your opinions are of course totally the opposite of what everyone that knows me has and this is including my EX. Who hates me with a passion as I do him.

Isn't that sweet?

We have that love/hate relationship. When it comes to our kids and their best interests our feelings of one another are put on the back burner. Of course this was not the case in the beginning. Our relationship ended with a permanent Domestic Violence Injunction that was in 1999. 2001 I wrote a letter to the Judge asking for the injunction to be dismissed due to my daughter having a accident that landed her in a full body cast confined to a hospital bed for almost 4 months. It took this for him and I to put our differences aside for the sake of our children.

Really? What a shame your daughter had to suffer for you to grow up.

I knew I would eventually have to lie for him when he didn't come around.

You would huh? Because of course lying to the children is better than dealing with reality. The fact that you would lie to your children about things rather than expressing in terms that were age appropriate the truth is ridiculous. Who did the lie protect? Not the children. Your integrity IS non-existent.

But I didn't have to it made it on the Channel 3 News and the Front page of our local newspaper of which my youngest son discovered while at school. On Mondays our elementary students recieve a newspaper for them to due a current event thing for a class. Our kids were devasted. How did I deal with it? I bought books of stamps.

Was this before or after you actually had an HONEST conversation with them? Let me guess, your children believe babies are brought by the stork and they hatched in a cabbage patch somewhere, right?

I encouraged our kids to write their Dad at least twiced a week, draw pictures. They each mailed them seperately each and everytime. Provided Dad with the same and accepted all of his collect calls so our children could continue to have this meaniful relationship with their Dad.

Oh but this is AFTER you lied to them and they had to find out the truth on the front page of the paper. Nice going mom.

He's out now and has been for almost two years. He moved in with his Mom after his release as he had lost everything he owned before he was arrested due to the drugs. He then resumed parenting time his choice one night every other weekend and Holidays. There is NO court order parenting time. Ours has been in full agreement since the DVI. He has since a month ago got his own place and has started getting our children EOW.

Really? And truthfully that has nothing to do with how you are treating the mom of your stepchildren. I see it now -- YOU are the better mother. You are the one with the Golden Uterus because you are perfect and would never do anything to hurt the stepchildren -- who cares if you would lie to your children and they would have to find out the truth due to the news? Who cares if you are an adulterous tramp who sleeps around with married men? Who cares if you entered a relationship for your own selfish purposes regardless of the outcome? Oh yeah. NO one because YOU are perfect. I see it now.

With that being said I am a wonderful mother and stepmother who fosters, fascilitates and encourages a relationship with my Ex as well as the MOther of my step daughters.

Don't forget adding in LIES and you are NOT the mother of your stepdaughters you over-stepping adulterous paramour. YOu are aware that adultery is a crime? So we will add criminal to your resume okay?

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make the horse drink.

But apparently you can steal two children because you want to push mom away.

Enjoy yet another ConcerndStepmom -----> Again this is my fault how? That's right it isn't. Thanks OG .. I do read and learn.

Umm because you are a lying selfish adulterous woman? Yeah that works. And can you please explain how it was YOUR request for a paternity test? I mean that is what you said. Or are you going to change it now? I notice you changed it in further retellings. Rewrite history. Please.

 

[Ohiogal]

Encore

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye

He'll never love you, the way that I love you
'Cause if he did, no no, he wouldn't make you cry
He might be thrillin' baby but a-my love (my love, my love)
So dog-gone willin'
So kiss him (I wanna see you kiss him. Wanna see you kiss him)
Go on and kiss him goodbye, now

Na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye

Listen to me now

He's never near you to comfort and cheer you
When all those sad tears are fallin' baby from your eyes
He might be thrillin' baby but a-my love (my love, my love)
So dog-gone willin'
So kiss him (I wanna see you kiss him. I wanna see you kiss him)
Go on and kiss him goodbye, na-na na-na-na na na

Na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye

[fade in]
Hey hey-ey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye
[repeat many times and fade out]

 

[Supermomma]

You all obviously have your own opinion of me which you all are entitled to have. I appreciate them.

With that being said your opinions are of course totally the opposite of what everyone that knows me has and this is including my EX. Who hates me with a passion as I do him. We have that love/hate relationship. When it comes to our kids and their best interests our feelings of one another are put on the back burner. Of course this was not the case in the beginning. Our relationship ended with a permanent Domestic Violence Injunction that was in 1999. 2001 I wrote a letter to the Judge asking for the injunction to be dismissed due to my daughter having a accident that landed her in a full body cast confined to a hospital bed for almost 4 months. It took this for him and I to put our differences aside for the sake of our children.

This is not about what you did with your kids and custody. This is about how you interfered with the relatonship between the parents and kids that are not yours. Your friends dont know you are on here actin like an a** and therefore wouldnt know how you have schemed to ruin the bond between two girls and their mother, and ultimately with you and their father, because it wont be long before their behaviour becomes a reflection of what you did.

 

[proud_parent]

You all obviously have your own opinion of me which you all are entitled to have. I appreciate them.

blah blah blah ad nauseam

... I do read and learn.

I'd say the jury is still out on that one.

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye
...
[repeat many times and fade out]

Brava!

 

[penelope10]

This is not about what you did with your kids and custody. This is about how you interfered with the relatonship between the parents and kids that are not yours. Your friends dont know you are on here actin like an a** and therefore wouldnt know how you have schemed to ruin the bond between two girls and their mother, and ultimately with you and their father, because it wont be long before their behaviour becomes a reflection of what you did.

Oh my gosh, just went through and pulled up old threads by the OP. Thread after thread about how to get Mom in trouble (dv, driving a car without a license, Mom not parenting to SM's specifications, and of course, to CS issues)Looks like the treads started around 2006.

I feel sorry for MOM---this B.S. has been going on for almost two years....Now OP wants to know how to cut Mom totally out of the picture. Bet OP puts on a great big old Cheshire Cat's grin while she thinks of making Mom's life a living hell.

Hopefully any counselor will also deal with the damage you are trying to inflict on these kids---you're one of those "smile in your face while slipping the old knife in the back" type gals. You have done just about everything you could to make it incredibly hard for these kids. Quit trying to paint yourself as the good guy with only the children's interests at heart. You have YOUR interests at heart and NOT these girls.

 

[Ohiogal]

One more Encore dedicated to the OP

No Good Deed

ELPHABA
(spoken) Fiyero!
(sung) Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen

Let his flesh not be torn
Let his blood leave no stain
Though they beat him
Let him feel no pain
Let his bones never break
And however they try
To destroy him
Let him never die:
Let him never die:

Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka: eleka:

What good is this chanting?
I don't even know what I'm reading!
I don't even know which trick I ought to try
Fiyero, where are you?
Already dead, or bleeding?
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?

No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!

Nessa
Doctor Dillamond
Fiyero
Fiyero!!

One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through
Since I can not succeed
Fiyero, saving you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed
Will I do again!