Mental Health Evaluation

[capman44]

4 children barely 2 years apart between the ages of 4 and 11 and mom is sometimes incoherent? How much parenting have you contributed to this family? Update us when you are done with this.

Maybe I didn't say it right. In the past she's been incoherent. We've been married 12 years. I put up with "the problem" for the kids sake. But recently her problem has began to affect the children. That's why I AM FILING for divorce and asking for custody! I think you're judgeing me without any facts. She was married before and her first husband divorced her also. I don't wonder why so much now!

To answer your question. Alot more than she. She makes my 11 year old get breakfast for the 4, 6 & 7 year olds & get them ready for school while she sleeps!

Nuff said!

For now!

 

[capman44]

Yeah, I believe that in this case it might very well be a blessing for mom!

You're very judgemental! You have to be a woman.

You're assuming that I am JUST NOW saying she's possibly mentally ill. We've been married for 12 years and I knew something was wrong the first of those 12. I have tried to get her to get help for 12 years. She's refused everytime the subject was brought up. It's just been recently that her problem has began to affect the children. That's why I AM FILING for divorce! She was married before and her first husband divorced her also. I wonder why so much now!

You, being a woman, will not believe this, but another reason I didn't say or do anything until now is that I was trying to be a nice guy, husband, father, etc. I was also thinking of the kids. I'm not out to keep her AWAY from the kids! ALL kids NEED their mothers, sick or not! You can call me gullible, (probably) naive, (certainly) BUT not a bum!

You're also assuming that I must be the problem. My credit and relationships with my kids are very good! Hers are not! We are separated now. I OWN my home! She recently got a huge lawsuit settlement for an accident she had. Instead of......say, buying the kids new clothes, she bought a NEW Van, a Boat, a NEW Computer and a 4,000.00 Electric Piano! I don't know what else she bought but I can tell you this. Not ONE CENT went to the kids for anything. Not even savings for them. I, on the other hand, pay premiums every month for future college expenses.

My advice to you is to ASK rather than assume! You know the old saying about "Assumptions!"

 

[capman44]

Hopefully rmet will give you more detailed answers as she is the one with experience in this.

I will say that you will also be required to take the test as well and any illness and personality traits will also come to the courts attention. You may also be ordered to pay the full cost since you are the petitioning party here. These tests can be quite spendy.

Thank you for the advice instead of judgeing me like most of the other posts! I'll take any test they want me to.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Maybe I didn't say it right. In the past she's been incoherent. We've been married 12 years. I put up with "the problem" for the kids sake. But recently her problem has began to affect the children. That's why I AM FILING for divorce and asking for custody! I think you're judgeing me without any facts. She was married before and her first husband divorced her also. I don't wonder why so much now!

To answer your question. Alot more than she. She makes my 11 year old get breakfast for the 4, 6 & 7 year olds & get them ready for school while she sleeps!

Nuff said!

For now!

If that were grounds for custody the courts would be clogged. You have have suggested she get help, this may be her second marriage, but the help you offer may not be the help she needs. If she is depressed including, SAD or PPD she may not realize she needs help, have you tried counseling together? Have you tried counseling for yourself?

 

[capman44]

LMAO this was my initial thought!

Does 'incoherent' define when I talk to my children through the wall &/or upstairs..."Do NOT make me go in there...."

Is this a bash all the men who file site?

Get a Life!

 

[capman44]

4 children barely 2 years apart between the ages of 4 and 11 and mom is sometimes incoherent? How much parenting have you contributed to this family? Update us when you are done with this.

We have tried counseling to no avail. While we were separated I did get counseling. Both my parents passed away in the last 4 years and I'm currently going to counseling for that issue. I have no problem with counseling. But if marriage counseling didn't work in the past I don't think it would work now.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You posted on 11-28 and now you come here still not giving any facts other than she was married before and divorced by her ex and having problems since the first year of your marriage. You havent expressed what the bad influence is on your children. Some people are not the same after an accident, that could be a problem and how do you not know that the children won't benefit by the Van, boat and computer?

 

[casa]

Is this a bash all the men who file site?

Get a Life!

Nowhere in my post did I bash men. Are you seeing insults where there aren't any? Do YOU have any psychiatric history?

I agree with rmet above...my children benefit from a safe vehicle and a learning tool such as the computer. They only wish we had a boat though.

 

[LdiJ]

You're very judgemental! You have to be a woman.

You're assuming that I am JUST NOW saying she's possibly mentally ill. We've been married for 12 years and I knew something was wrong the first of those 12. I have tried to get her to get help for 12 years. She's refused everytime the subject was brought up. It's just been recently that her problem has began to affect the children. That's why I AM FILING for divorce! She was married before and her first husband divorced her also. I wonder why so much now!

You, being a woman, will not believe this, but another reason I didn't say or do anything until now is that I was trying to be a nice guy, husband, father, etc. I was also thinking of the kids. I'm not out to keep her AWAY from the kids! ALL kids NEED their mothers, sick or not! You can call me gullible, (probably) naive, (certainly) BUT not a bum!

You're also assuming that I must be the problem. My credit and relationships with my kids are very good! Hers are not! We are separated now. I OWN my home! She recently got a huge lawsuit settlement for an accident she had. Instead of......say, buying the kids new clothes, she bought a NEW Van, a Boat, a NEW Computer and a 4,000.00 Electric Piano! I don't know what else she bought but I can tell you this. Not ONE CENT went to the kids for anything. Not even savings for them. I, on the other hand, pay premiums every month for future college expenses.

My advice to you is to ASK rather than assume! You know the old saying about "Assumptions!"

I honestly thought that I answered you from my office a few hours ago...but the answer isn't here....so I must have gotton distracted and didn't actually post it.

My responses were based on the following:

1) I grew up as the oldest of a family of 4 kids. Not only was my mother occasionally incoherant... and deservedly so, but I also had a great deal of responsibility regarding my siblings as the oldest. I also happen to believe that my mother is/was a saint. My dad was/is also a great dad..... wasn't the one who raised us because he was working all the time. He was the one who "played" with us. Quite frankly, some of the things my dad did 40 years ago would get him investigated by CPS today... Like letting my 3 year old brother ride on the wheel cover of a tractor while dad plowed the field....or letting 20 kids ride in the back of a pickup truck (but we all had to have our butts on the bed or dad stopped the truck)...or any myriad of things that I treasure from my childhood. So...your daughter feeds her siblings breakfast in the morning and gets them ready for school???...so did I...I also dolled out lunch money, wrote notes, signed homework...etc. Why? because if my mom was sleeping it meant that she had been up all night dealing with something regarding the family.

2) "mental illness" won't do you any good at all unless there is a history of diagnoses and documentation of the illness....plus hard and cold evidence that the mental illness has harmed the children. That means evidence from outside sources....not from you.

3) Your statement that you recognized the problem in the first year of your 12 year marriage will only hurt you. A judge is going to have a hard time finding it credible that you chose to have 4 children with a woman that you believed was mentallly ill....let alone staying with her for 12 years. One child...maybe...4...its not going to happen.

Honestly, I do understand your frustrations, and I do understand that you may have a legitmate basis for those frustrations. However what you don't have is proof...and you also haven't been the pri**** caretaker for 4 children. Those two things are going to make it very difficult for you to prevail.

 

[capman44]

If that were grounds for custody the courts would be clogged. You have have suggested she get help, this may be her second marriage, but the help you offer may not be the help she needs. If she is depressed including, SAD or PPD she may not realize she needs help, have you tried counseling together? Have you tried counseling for yourself?

What is SAD & PPD?

 

[VA_Mom]

PPD = Post Partum Depression

Not sure about SAD.

To get back to the mental illness issue, my ex claimed I was mentally ill but a court would not agree or even consider it. Why? Because I had been the pri**** caretaker of the children who were well-loved, groomed, academically thriving and no signs or reports of abuse other than what he was claiming after years of us being together.

Having multiple children is STRESSFUL for the pri**** caretaker. Yes, my personality did change because I went from being a professional employee with my own office to a full-time mom who spent time doing things like making sure the baby doesn't have diarrhea, wiping children's runny noses, juggling soccer practice, homework, housework and 3 meals/2 snacks/bottles daily.

Have you tried dating your wife again? Like going out every other weekend and getting a babysitter. Of course, she is going to change with 4 kids but make sure you are doing your part and not judging her because she has changed. She is most likely depressed.

And I noticed you think people have been bashing you - my post is not a bash just sharing information which is what you came to this board for.

 

[stealth2]

Seasonal Affective Disorder.

 

[capman44]

You posted on 11-28 and now you come here still not giving any facts other than she was married before and divorced by her ex and having problems since the first year of your marriage. You havent expressed what the bad influence is on your children. Some people are not the same after an accident, that could be a problem and how do you not know that the children won't benefit by the Van, boat and computer?

Alright! Fact #1: She induced premature Labor on our first child. Ya, ya, I know, I should have done something then (1994) BUT, I had the same problem then that I do now. NO PROOF! Fact #2: ALL 3 of our children who are in school have missed 10 days of school this year. The previous year, they missed more! (Keep in mind that we have been separated for two years.....When we were living together they hardly missed any school....This fact is documented). Fact #3: 2 years ago she was investigated by CPS for this Muncheisens Illness. Documented! (I got her out of that mess through letters to Representatives and various Government Institutions because CPS mishandled the investigation). I may think she has a problem, and with good reason, but I don't believe any child should be taken from their mother. Fact #4: All of a sudden, in the last year, (again, keep in mind we were separated), ALL 4 kids have Asthma! Coincidence? Documented! Fact #5: The two boys are "supposedly" Autistic! Coincidence? Documented! Fact #6: She gives them ALL medicines almost everyday for "something or another". And I'm not talking vitamins. Fact #7: Since we were separated in October 2003, between all 4 children they have been to just one doctor 60 times! She has two other doctors the kids see that I haven't gotten documentation from yet. Documented!

There are other FACTS but I would fill this web site with it all.

Now, concerning your remark about "the accident". She got hit, actually bumped, in a parking lot! It was so little she didn't know anything happened. It was only a couple months after that she noticed her arms and hands would get numb after doing some sort of work. It didn't affect her brain. There was nothing to "not be the same" about!

Your last remark: We only live 1/2 block apart from each other. I KNOW what goes on. Up until I told her I was going to file we were like.....good friends. Talked to each other everyday. I saw my kids everyday. NOW, I need to get counseling before I can see my kids! How do I know whether the kids would benefit from a van, computer, boat and electric piano? #1: She already had a van. #2: She already had a computer. #3. Neither of us is rich by any means. There's no excuse for wasting money on a boat when the kids wear holely clothes! #4: She already had a piano.

I think that's enough. If you can't see that there's SOME kind of problem here after you read all this, then I can only assume that you are simply taking sides because you have an underlying negative issue with ALL men.

 

[LdiJ]

Alright! Fact #1: She induced premature Labor on our first child. Ya, ya, I know, I should have done something then (1994) BUT, I had the same problem then that I do now.

Please let us know how it was possible that she prematurely induced her own labor....that would be difficult to do.

Fact #2: ALL 3 of our children who are in school have missed 10 days of school this year. The previous year, they missed more! (Keep in mind that we have been separated for two years.....When we were living together they hardly missed any school....This fact is documented).

That's really not all that unreasonable. Our school system considers 10 days to be acceptable.

Fact #3: 2 years ago she was investigated by CPS for this Muncheisens Illness. Documented! (I got her out of that mess through letters to Representatives and various Government Institutions because CPS mishandled the investigation). I may think she has a problem, and with good reason, but I don't believe any child should be taken from their mother.

Dude, you can't use that....you, yourself "got her out of it". If you now try to claim its true...then YOU can get in trouble for child neglect.

Fact #4: All of a sudden, in the last year, (again, keep in mind we were separated), ALL 4 kids have Asthma! Coincidence? Documented! Fact #5: The two boys are "supposedly" Autistic! Coincidence? Documented! Fact #6: She gives them ALL medicines almost everyday for "something or another". And I'm not talking vitamins. Fact #7: Since we were separated in October 2003, between all 4 children they have been to just one doctor 60 times! She has two other doctors the kids see that I haven't gotten documentation from yet. Documented!

If the doctor believed that some was wrong....the doctor would have reported her to CPS.

Now, concerning your remark about "the accident". She got hit, actually bumped, in a parking lot! It was so little she didn't know anything happened. It was only a couple months after that she noticed her arms and hands would get numb after doing some sort of work. It didn't affect her brain. There was nothing to "not be the same" about!

Your last remark: We only live 1/2 block apart from each other. I KNOW what goes on. Up until I told her I was going to file we were like.....good friends. Talked to each other everyday. I saw my kids everyday. NOW, I need to get counseling before I can see my kids! How do I know whether the kids would benefit from a van, computer, boat and electric piano? #1: She already had a van. #2: She already had a computer. #3. Neither of us is rich by any means. There's no excuse for wasting money on a boat when the kids wear holely clothes! #4: She already had a piano.

I think that's enough. If you can't see that there's SOME kind of problem here after you read all this, then I can only assume that you are simply taking sides because you have an underlying negative issue with ALL men.

Pointing out the holes in your case is hardly an indication of someone having an issue with all men.....

 

[stealth2]

Alright! Fact #1: She induced premature Labor on our first child. Ya, ya, I know, I should have done something then (1994) BUT, I had the same problem then that I do now. NO PROOF!

Well, for starters you could have thought about preventing three more pregnancies..... But, you didn't.

Nor were you concerned enough when CPS entered the picture to help your kids, but instead "got her out of it" through some rather extensive efforts on your part - at roughly the same time that you were separating. I'm sorry, but that DOES seem odd to me. If you were separating because of her issues, why on earth would you do somethign to make it easier for her to keep the kids in a situation you see as neglectful? It just doesn't make sense.