Mental Health Evaluation

[capman44]

I honestly thought that I answered you from my office a few hours ago...but the answer isn't here....so I must have gotton distracted and didn't actually post it.

My responses were based on the following:

1) I grew up as the oldest of a family of 4 kids. Not only was my mother occasionally incoherant... and deservedly so, but I also had a great deal of responsibility regarding my siblings as the oldest. I also happen to believe that my mother is/was a saint. My dad was/is also a great dad..... wasn't the one who raised us because he was working all the time. He was the one who "played" with us. Quite frankly, some of the things my dad did 40 years ago would get him investigated by CPS today... Like letting my 3 year old brother ride on the wheel cover of a tractor while dad plowed the field....or letting 20 kids ride in the back of a pickup truck (but we all had to have our butts on the bed or dad stopped the truck)...or any myriad of things that I treasure from my childhood. So...your daughter feeds her siblings breakfast in the morning and gets them ready for school???...so did I...I also dolled out lunch money, wrote notes, signed homework...etc. Why? because if my mom was sleeping it meant that she had been up all night dealing with something regarding the family.

2) "mental illness" won't do you any good at all unless there is a history of diagnoses and documentation of the illness....plus hard and cold evidence that the mental illness has harmed the children. That means evidence from outside sources....not from you.

3) Your statement that you recognized the problem in the first year of your 12 year marriage will only hurt you. A judge is going to have a hard time finding it credible that you chose to have 4 children with a woman that you believed was mentallly ill....let alone staying with her for 12 years. One child...maybe...4...its not going to happen.

Honestly, I do understand your frustrations, and I do understand that you may have a legitmate basis for those frustrations. However what you don't have is proof...and you also haven't been the pri**** caretaker for 4 children. Those two things are going to make it very difficult for you to prevail.

Thanks. I apologize for my hasty response to your first answer. I'm 50 and my parents were very good parents but they, also, would probably been turned into CPS for some of the things they said, did or let us 4 kids do. I know things are very different now.

I do have some documentation that would definitely point to some kind of probelm. Read my response to rmet and you'll see. BUT, she would never go to a counselor so I don't have a diagnosis. But that brings me back to my original question. Can I ask a Judge to mandate testing for her? I already knew it would be hard to get a Judge to do so but I thought I could maybe get some feedback JUST about my question and not be automatically accused of being the BIG, BAD Husband!

Why did I stay with her for 12 years? Back in the "good ole days", there were bad marriages but couples stayed together "until death do us part" and they did because they weren't thinking of themselves. They were thinking of their kids! THAT'S why I stayed for 12 years. ALL children NEED a mother and a father! Statistics show that in single family homes children are prone to all kinds of negative social behavior.

Finally, for all of you who have read my posts and answered, (or not), My initial question was not asked so I could get "ammo" against my wife and take the kids from her. I'm not looking to try to get custody. Our kids NEED their mother, sick or not! I simply wanted to know if there was a way to make her get help because she won't get help voluntarily!

For those of you who have been kind, thank you. For those of you who have not, you know what you can do with one-sided, presumptuous remarks and uninformed biased opinions!

 

[stealth2]

Why did I stay with her for 12 years? Back in the "good ole days", there were bad marriages but couples stayed together "until death do us part" and they did because they weren't thinking of themselves. They were thinking of their kids! THAT'S why I stayed for 12 years. ALL children NEED a mother and a father! Statistics show that in single family homes children are prone to all kinds of negative social behavior.

So it's better for kids to remain with a mentally ill parent who constantly takes them to doctors, overmedicates them and apparently neglects their education to some extent? Okay.

 

[usaohol]

He is

Your last remark: We only live 1/2 block apart from each other. I KNOW what goes on. Up until I told her I was going to file we were like.....good friends. Talked to each other everyday. I saw my kids everyday. NOW, I need to get counseling before I can see my kids! How do I know whether the kids would benefit from a van, computer, boat and electric piano? #1: She already had a van. #2: She already had a computer. #3. Neither of us is rich by any means. There's no excuse for wasting money on a boat when the kids wear holely clothes! #4: She already had a piano.

I think that's enough. If you can't see that there's SOME kind of problem here after you read all this, then I can only assume that you are simply taking sides because you have an underlying negative issue with ALL men.

I can see you are leaving out some facts.

 

[capman44]

So it's better for kids to remain with a mentally ill parent who constantly takes them to doctors, overmedicates them and apparently neglects their education to some extent? Okay.

IF a Judge MAKES her get help and I'm allowed to see my kids everyday, since we only live 1/2 block from each other, to make sure things don't continue as they have, and she isn't allowed to use the kids as a weapon by not letting me see them, YES!

 

[stealth2]

I'm sorry, but that's whacked.

(edit) Do you understand that it is entirely possible that the judge will not see things your way, and then you're not going to be able to use any of this in a custody fight? So you're effectively leaving your kids in what you consider to be a neglectful situation regardless.

 

[capman44]

I can see you are leaving out some facts.

I'm only posting the highlights. I CAN'T WRITE A BOOK!

 

[usaohol]

You are claiming

I'm only posting the highlights. I CAN'T WRITE A BOOK!

that she is mentally ill, but that you have to have counseling before you can see the kids.
That makes NO sense!

 

[capman44]

I'm sorry, but that's whacked.

(edit) Do you understand that it is entirely possible that the judge will not see things your way, and then you're not going to be able to use any of this in a custody fight? So you're effectively leaving your kids in what you consider to be a neglectful situation regardless.

I've already said, at least once, that I'm not looking for custody! Only to make her get help! It would tear my kids hearts out to be taken from their mother. I won't do that to them!

 

[stealth2]

Then you'll have to live with the consequences. Sorry, but I think you're playing a dangerous game.

 

[capman44]

that she is mentally ill, but that you have to have counseling before you can see the kids.
That makes NO sense!

You're right! It doesn't make sense. That's my POINT! SHE said I needed counseling before she would let me see the kids. NOT a doctor! She is simply using that as a weapon because she knows it hurts me not to be able to see them!

 

[capman44]

Then you'll have to live with the consequences. Sorry, but I think you're playing a dangerous game.

You MAY be right. But I'm looking out for the best interest of our kids. I believe I can do that effectively, given the proximity of our homes. BUT, only if a Judge will make her get help.

 

[stealth2]

You MAY be right. But I'm looking out for the best interest of our kids. I believe I can do that effectively, given the proximity of our homes. BUT, only if a Judge will make her get help.

I don't think you're getting the point. If the judge doesn't, your hands are tied until you can prove ongoing neglect. Which means your kids will be living in a poor environment until you can do that. But hey, your choice.

You do have a lawyer, right?

 

[bonkers101]

If you file for evaluations, she could very well get supervised visitation until the outcome is known. If you are claiming mental illness that is harmful to the children it could be supervised visits. Do you really want to put her and the children through this? I haven't read anything that is harmful to the children. If she is depressed, she may need some anti-depressants, but heck, her life has kinda fallen apart, as has yours recently with the death of your parents. I would try to be more understanding and take a step back from the allegations. The judges really kinda frown on unsubstantiated attacks and you could end up being the loser here. It is a lot of money out of pocket and in the end you both just may end up on antidepressants. But it would be hard to move forward from an attack like that - difficult to co-parent when one parent is looking for reasons to make you look horrible to the judge.

Has she ever been faced with a family member or friend with a terminal illness? My son had cancer and I take both of my children to the dr way too much. He is perfectly healthy now, but every little thing makes me worry, it doesn't make me a bad parent though...the sniffles and I rush to the pediatrician, a fever and I'm rushing my son back to his oncologist.

It just seems to me that with the two of you living only a half block from each other that perhaps you could use positive reasons why you want a change? The judge would look on a parenting plan that would probably be very much so 50/50 since you live so close....or is that not what you are wanting?

 

[usaohol]

Your Post

I've already said, at least once, that I'm not looking for custody! Only to make her get help! It would tear my kids hearts out to be taken from their mother. I won't do that to them!

In your initial post you said that you want FULL custody, that contradicts what you are saying now.

Also she can request you get counseling but a judge ultimately determines custody and visitation and is the only one who can order you to get counseling as a stipulation to visitation.

 

[stealth2]

I've already said, at least once, that I'm not looking for custody! Only to make her get help! It would tear my kids hearts out to be taken from their mother. I won't do that to them!

Why usahol, how right you are!

I want to file for FULL physical custody. I know my chances are slim except for one ace up my sleeve. I believe my wife is mentally ill. Not "Crazy" so you could tell but, you can tell by her actions, words, decisions and lifestyle. A couple times she was so disdraught, about something, she was incoherent.

Georgie-porgie did post that, didn't he..... So, George - which is it? And I'll ask again - DO YOU HAVE A LAWYER?