Question...please Help

[CJane]

I want what is best for my child and I will accept whatever that is...I'm just scared of losing my child or something happening to him...I feel this life growing inside of me every day, and the thought of something happening to him scares me like nothing I've ever known...if the father wants to be a good parent GREAT! I'm all for it, but from what I've seen he doesn't...he made the comment one time that he would not be a good parent; maybe he should sign over rights to his child, and when I did leave him to come back home, he told me to because he couldn't support me and he wanted to do what was best for the baby...THAT'S why I feel like I do...I apologize if I've irritated anyone or upset anyone...I'm just scared, and I realize that I should have thought about what might have happened before I put myself in this situation, but now all I can do is find out all I can and do what's best for this child, and as I said before I thank ALL of you for your help and kind words....

Your situation, while unique TO YOU, is not unique at all.

You would be best served wrapping your head around the legal reality of sharing this child with his/her father for the next 18 years or so if he chooses to establish his rights.

 

[Peanuts200788]

Thanks Again

You are right and I guess if/when the time comes I will have to accept the fact that this child is his too and not just mine...I just want to find out all I can and ready myself for what is to come, and again I thank you for all the help you have provided me with...I'm on a website now, and I've created a notebook to write down everything I find out so I'll have it later to look over...

I have to realize that worrying myself over this when nothing could come of it at all is not only pointless, it is stressful to not only myself but the baby...

 

[tuffbrk]

In all honesty, he doesn't have to support you, not having a car doesn't necessarily mean he cannot obtain a job, because he doesn't have a job now doesn't mean that can't change. His room mates might throw him off the couch and he might have to actually find a means of support.

Just a thought to ponder - your pregnancy is real to you-it's your body. Your life has already been impacted and you have responded accordingly. For him? It may not click until he actually sees or holds the baby.

On the other hand, if he doesn't "man up" it's possible that he won't even be interested in visitation.

 

[Peanuts200788]

You All Are Really Making Me Think...THANK YOU!

This is all very true...And this leads me to another question stupid as it may be....
The father has a friend whom I used to be friends with as well...when he and I split up, she and I quit talking...we'd had a falling out, and she is a very vengeful person...the type who would go to unbelievable lengths to get her way...if she stooped as low as calling DEFACS and making alligations what are the chances of me losing the child?

 

[Zephyr]

This is all very true...And this leads me to another question stupid as it may be....
The father has a friend whom I used to be friends with as well...when he and I split up, she and I quit talking...we'd had a falling out, and she is a very vengeful person...the type who would go to unbelievable lengths to get her way...if she stooped as low as calling DEFACS and making alligations what are the chances of me losing the child?

cross that bridge when you get to it....my stupid ex called on me twice in a year....nothing happened...I talked with the social worker and as soon as I told her we were in a custody battle....she became quite uninterested

 

[CJane]

This is all very true...And this leads me to another question stupid as it may be....
The father has a friend whom I used to be friends with as well...when he and I split up, she and I quit talking...we'd had a falling out, and she is a very vengeful person...the type who would go to unbelievable lengths to get her way...if she stooped as low as calling DEFACS and making alligations what are the chances of me losing the child?

Slim to none.

You're borrowing trouble and you need to stop it.

 

[JacobJoel]

Mind over matter

Note your question and both Zephyr's and CJ's responses in your little data note book.

that sceanario is called a 'mind game'. a mind game is when somone is playing games (words, threats, implications) with you.

you know how to win in a mind game? mind over matter.

if you don't mind, it don't matter.

meaning: ignore the threat, implication, whatever. it is POWERLESS in and of itself. YOU give it POWER when you buy into it and start worrying about it.

that sceanario is now of no interest in you. TWO (for right now, you will maybe get more) but TWO experts have told you that this situation is meaningless for you.

believe them.

or not. but if you don't choose to act on the information given here, why be here?

you are wasting everyone's time. including yours.

 

[Peanuts200788]

You're Right

thank you and i will .... I really am glad I found this place ... some of the stuff I didn't want to hear but I needed to hear.

 

[JacobJoel]

we are glad you are here to.

i've coached a few young people, and cj and zephyr have managed to spend at least two seconds a day in some kind of law research.

it adds up over the years you know.

but wait till OG gets ahold of something you have posted. that's when the REAL education starts.

i think, mainly, it's her extremely gentle, your emotions are as fragile crystals and must be protected approach.

or not.

 

[Zephyr]

thank you and i will .... I really am glad I found this place ... some of the stuff I didn't want to hear but I needed to hear.

that is the perfect attitude to get you through this in the most reasonable and acceptable manner

 

[Peanuts200788]

Grateful!

Well I thank God for people like you who DO like to research law and have careers in it, because without you, I wouldn't have known where to look, and I DEFINITELY wouldn't have heard what I needed to hear today...

I know that I've been "borrowing trouble" as I was told earlier...invisioning the worst possible things that could happen, when in reality I should be educating myself on what to expect...I'll be better off with the latter...that's for sure!!

 

[CJane]

i think, mainly, it's her extremely gentle, your emotions are as fragile crystals and must be protected approach.

That made me snort.

 

[Peanuts200788]

Researching...A Tough Job...

Okay...I've been researching the rights of a non custodial parent, and on the website I'm on, it is talking about the father legitimating a child and how he must go to the courts and it also says

you must prove that you are a fit parent or that it is in the best intrest of the child that the legitimation happens (whether you will have to show that you are fit or that it is in the best intrest of the child will depend on your relationship to the child and other factors

My question is: What does this mean? The It will depend on your relationship to the child and other factors part.... it kind of confused me....

 

[JacobJoel]

keep reading

you haven't read enough to ask the question.

Mark it down. you will learn the answer and then you can tell us.

good grief. the baby isn't even here yet. YOU are the only one with a relationship w/this child at this juncture.

hello? isn't that a CLUE?

 

[seniorjudge]

Okay...I've been researching the rights of a non custodial parent, and on the website I'm on, it is talking about the father legitimating a child and how he must go to the courts and it also says

you must prove that you are a fit parent or that it is in the best intrest of the child that the legitimation happens (whether you will have to show that you are fit or that it is in the best intrest of the child will depend on your relationship to the child and other factors

My question is: What does this mean? The It will depend on your relationship to the child and other factors part.... it kind of confused me....

This is irrelevant; pa is already legitimate.


This has to do with guys wanting to prove paternity after the kid is born.