Question...please Help

[fairisfair]

can you link us to those welfare guidelines please

she may be right, I am in AZ and only cash assistance (TANF) is assigned repayment through child support.

https://www.azdes.gov/dcse/pdf/epamphlet/CSE1052A.pdf

 

[TheGeekess]

And more than likely, if you & the child will be on Medicaid or any other state support (TANF, food stamps, etc) the information will have to be provided and proved by DNA testing, etc. IIRC, that's federal law, not state law.

I stand (or rather sit) corrected. But I did have disclaimers!

 

[Peanuts200788]

Hmmm......

anyone know if thats the case in Georgia right off hand?

 

[angelmama]

Check out these links

http://www.mcguffey.net/gamedicaid/2640.pdf

http://health.state.ga.us/programs/cms/index.asp

http://dch.georgia.gov/vgn/images/portal/cit_1210/25/62/31944892Understanding_Medicaid.pdf

It doesn't say anywhere on these forms that paternity establishment is required for Medicaid..but if you're in doubt call the assistance office tomorrow

 

[fairisfair]

anyone know if thats the case in Georgia right off hand?

not right off hand, and I didn't find the info on their website, but these guys know

http://dfcs.dhr.georgia.gov/portal/site/DHR-DFCS/menuitem.5d32235bb09bde9a50c8798dd03036a0/?vgnextoid=eca92b48d9a4ff00VgnVCM100000bf01010aRCRD

AHA, nice quick work there angel......

 

[Peanuts200788]

Isn't this crazy....

i already did that...surprisingly, they couldn't answer my question...even my caseworker couldn't

 

[Ohiogal]

i already did that...surprisingly, they couldn't answer my question...even my caseworker couldn't

So you are educated! Congrats. But if pell grants are not taxable they are not income. And the fact that you are in school is a choice. Plain and simple.

 

[JacobJoel]

wellllllll

she is educateABLE and that is good.

for her.

 

[Peanuts200788]

So....

Well OG answer me this question: How in the HECK am I supposed to get a GOOD job and support my child if I don't get educated...yeah I made the choice to go to school, not just for me but for my child....

I came to this forum for legal help yes...not to be torn down like I'm some kind of dilapidated building or something. I appreciate the help, and I understand you want me to see what I'd go through in court, but one thing you need to remember: THIS IS NOT A COURTROOM AND I AM NOT ON TRIAL!!

I know I will be a good mother to my child because I'm trying....that's a whole lot more than I can say for the father...yes I got myself in this situation by sleeping with him, but at least ONE of us excepted it and made motions to provide, otherwise this child wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of making it!!

If I seem selfish or controlling by not wanting him to have time with the baby is because I've seen what he's really like, the side I didn't get to know until after the pregnant? Have you seen that...NO! So please don't tell me I'm selfish and he deserves part of his child's life just because he's the father....in a lot of cases, the biological father is nothing more than a sperm donor....and so far that's what he's been in this one....

So please, don't judge me because you don't know the whole situation, there's more to it than you realize, so before you make up your mind that I'm young, naieve, and immature, and controlling, and whateverelse you want to or already have called me, try walking in my shoes for a change and living in my situation, THEN make your choices....

 

[wileybunch]

If I seem selfish or controlling by not wanting him to have time with the baby is because I've seen what he's really like, the side I didn't get to know until after the pregnant? Have you seen that...NO! So please don't tell me I'm selfish and he deserves part of his child's life just because he's the father....in a lot of cases, the biological father is nothing more than a sperm donor....and so far that's what he's been in this one....

Well, a few things to keep in mind ....
You won't be deciding if he has a right to see the child -- the court/judge will.
Same goes in reverse -- he can ask a court/judge to decide if you have a right to see your child, too.

The judge hasn't seen his selfish or controlling side, either. The responses that say things like, "Was he that way BEFORE you had a child with him?" are important because a judge will try to determine the same thing. There are all kinds of people out there with parental rights. Whether we would choose to parent with them or not is another matter, but lots of room on the spectrum for people to be parents. If this man didn't change his character AFTER you conceived, it's too late to complain now. Trust me, I know how frustrating it is, but the judge isn't judging based on who he thinks you would best like as a co-parent because that part was decided when you got pregnant -- unless something in his character and behavior changed AFTER that.

On this forum, don't say, "You don't know what the other parent is like."
If you are saying that, then you haven't explained yourself well enough and the answers you are getting are in response to what people feel you HAVE proven. What other answers can you be given?

Keep in mind the judge, whether he expresses all the thoughts running through his mind or not, will also only be able to receive the information that he's been presented in a manner he feels is accurate and truthful. And, will decide on that. It's not likely he will give feedback on every bit of information given to him, rather, he will come out with a decision in the end based on everything he's heard *from both sides* (and what he HASN'T heard, as well).

If you want advice here, if you think people here don't know baby's daddy, you need to try again until people DO -- if you want accurate advice.

 

[Peanuts200788]

I don't mean to come across as ungrateful, I guess being picked apart is frustrating, but there again, I will have to go through this if my case goes to court.

No he was not like he was until after I was pregnant. I did not find out a lot of things until after I found out I was pregnant. I want what is best for my child, and I know the mom's out there know about intuition even if they are new moms. No, technically I'm not a mom yet, but I worry day to day about my child and he's not even here yet...I'm making changes in my life to support my child when he does come into the world, and yet (yes, I know this for a fact) my ex is doing NOTHING.

Truth is I'm scared I'm going to lose my child, and I know I can't and never will be a perfect parent, but I want to do what I can to keep my child and also to make a good life for him. That's my goal. I know it's not about me anymore, and I came here for advice, but I guess now I just feel like no one likes me here.

 

[CJane]

Well OG answer me this question: How in the HECK am I supposed to get a GOOD job and support my child if I don't get educated...yeah I made the choice to go to school, not just for me but for my child....

I know you're only 19 and still a child. And I know that you're scared and stuff... so consider this life lesson a freebie for the youngsters. (And damn, now I feel old)

While an education is nice, it is NOT your golden ticket to a good job. There are plenty of people w/out a degree who do just fine in life and plenty of people WITH a degree who work $8/hour mouthbreather jobs because they have no experience.

Once the baby is born and you still live at home might be a really good time for you to find a FULL-TIME job and go to school PART TIME/ONLINE. I don't want to support your baby, it's not your parent's job to support your baby, and the amount of CS you're going to get from unemployed pot-head daddy is nil.

THAT is your reality now. You need to understand that and learn to cope with it.

 

[wileybunch]

I don't mean to come across as ungrateful, I guess being picked apart is frustrating, but there again, I will have to go through this if my case goes to court.

Well, that is true. There is no other way to get to the bottom of things than to dig. But, you know, judges don't always dig, either. If you aren't forthcoming or make your case, the judge can only go by what he has. He doesn't have a crystal ball. Being a family court judge has got to be very hard. It's not like either of you has committed a crime and yet the judge is placed in the position of cleaning up the mess you two made (and I'm not picking on you -- a judge has had to clean up the mess I made with my ex, too ).

No, technically I'm not a mom yet, but I worry day to day about my child and he's not even here yet...I'm making changes in my life to support my child when he does come into the world, and yet (yes, I know this for a fact) my ex is doing NOTHING.

That is normal for a pregnant woman. Heck, I even had dreams that made me worry about things that were really a little far fetched. Hormones do that to you and it's all for a good reason. That doesn't mean that you are the better parent - technically neither of you is a parent yet. The child isn't here yet -- you have no idea how he will be when the child gets here. You can deal with that then. In the meantime, focus on what YOU need to do to be a good mother and, like CJane said, going to school may have to wait or fit in around providing for your child via a FT job. You are still very very young and lots of time to finish your education .

... I guess now I just feel like no one likes me here.

Do you think anyone really knows you? We only know what little you've shared here. Have no idea how charity-minded you are and that sort of thing. Don't let feedback on this area of your life size up what kind of person you are as a whole.

 

[JacobJoel]

you are NOT getting it

welcome to life peanut, where the good things you do for good reasons, even RIGHT reasons are constantly being pulled out of context and evauled and laid out as tho you have nothing stupidity and evil in your heart.

and you evidently don't learn as fast as we have given you credit for.

EVERYONE said "og will fry you" and she said "like a crispy creme".

do you understand what that means? it means she is going, for YOUR GOOD, push every button she can find to help you learn to cope with the OTHER SIDE (that would be the air force reject that we talked about yesterday).

why?

SO YOU CAN LEARN TO HANDLE LIFE (and the air force reject).

hormones and emotions aside, you owe the people on this board a very humble apology for that totally self centered, self pitying, victimy and self righteous post.

it demonstrates EXACTLY how you are going to live your life for the REST of your life.

if you don't get off the pity pot and LEARN.

PS: and she is being NICE here!

 

[Ohiogal]

Well OG answer me this question: How in the HECK am I supposed to get a GOOD job and support my child if I don't get educated...yeah I made the choice to go to school, not just for me but for my child....

The point is you cannot criticize daddy for not having a job and income when you don't. Plain and simple. The point is you have a legal obligation to financially support your child. No one else but the parents is legally obligated to provide financial support.

I came to this forum for legal help yes...not to be torn down like I'm some kind of dilapidated building or something. I appreciate the help, and I understand you want me to see what I'd go through in court, but one thing you need to remember: THIS IS NOT A COURTROOM AND I AM NOT ON TRIAL!!

Okay then we sugarcoat everything and when you get to court and are torn apart by the judge (if pro se on both sides) or the other attorney, feel free to start crying about how mean they are. YOU are on trial however. Why? Because you are trying to put your ex on trial for all of his choices. Everytime you criticize him and tear him apart for not being perfect, expect someone to do that to you. Your arguments are weak and not going to get you anywhere.

I know I will be a good mother to my child because I'm trying....that's a whole lot more than I can say for the father...

About that, YOU are the only one who is legally a parent. he has NO idea about this pregnancy and what it is doing to you. He has never felt, seen or been connected to this child and to him the child is NOT real. And she/he won't be real UNTIL she/he is born. And until he is legally adjudicated the father he is not.

yes I got myself in this situation by sleeping with him, but at least ONE of us excepted it and made motions to provide, otherwise this child wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of making it!!

And quite frankly YOU could have had an abortion. And the word is "accepted" not "excepted". And you are the only one who has a physical responsibility to this child because this child is ONLY in YOUR womb. he doesn't have a womb.

If I seem selfish or controlling by not wanting him to have time with the baby is because I've seen what he's really like, the side I didn't get to know until after the pregnant?

Yep you are being selfish and controlling and quite frankly the court is not going to care for your excuses. They will care if dad decides he wants visitation and you are using these EXCUSES as to why he should not be involved.

Have you seen that...NO! So please don't tell me I'm selfish and he deserves part of his child's life just because he's the father....in a lot of cases, the biological father is nothing more than a sperm donor....and so far that's what he's been in this one....

DAMNIT. You need to grow up and wrap your mind around the legalities of this situation. Until you decide to put aside your childish behavior you are going to get fried in court. HE IS NOT LEGALLY A PART OF THIS CHILD's LIFE! He has NO RESPONSIBILITy to the child or to YOU. YOU are the only one with ANY responsibilities legally at this point.

So please, don't judge me because you don't know the whole situation, there's more to it than you realize,

And you need to realize that you still don't have a case. We approach based on the facts offered. We are not mind readers. Are you going to whine to the court when he is given joint legal custody and visitation every other weekend and half the summer that they don't know all the facts? Whose fault is that? OH YEAH! YOURS. SO quit your whining. Quit your crying. And start presenting what facts you believe are relevant.

so before you make up your mind that I'm young, naieve, and immature, and controlling, and whateverelse you want to or already have called me, try walking in my shoes for a change and living in my situation, THEN make your choices....

Legally I don't care how old you are, how immature you are or how naive. I don't. Controlling will bite you big time. The judge is NOT going to walk in your shoes. The judge is going to look at the law, apply it and give daddy if he asks for it visitation and most likely joint custody. That is a legal reality. As for choices, YOU need to realize that you made a choice when you slept with him and you are stuck with that choice for the rest of your life. Try reading my signature. And take it to heart. I never said I was going to be gentle. I warned you I was going to fry you. And I also said I was going to try to help. And guess what -- I have done it. Now LEARN! Show you have a brain and learn from what you are being told here. And yes LD I know I am being harsh.