Too Afraid To Go To Hearing Today

[MsTKirk]

Final comments....then I should lay down for a while

1. regarding the therapy...i have done 4 sessions..just feel if i commit to doing them, screams i admit to whatever lie they believed about me as told by the father..because the violations he committed regarding the court orders went un-noticed and not mentioned.

2. no...we have no school buses in my area just public transit and i wouldn't allow my son to ride alone. i'm in the san francisco-bay area, not too safe a place.

3. regarding discussing issues pertaining to this matter with my son..i only talk about me and him..how he feels and how i feel....i could careless how the father feels...if i make the father an issue or topic of my conversations with my son...that'd be digging my own grave..he drills my son to no end...i wouldn't put my son in that position.

4. yes we all know i missed the hearing but remember...even if the court made the mediator's report the new orders...the legal and physical custody was ordered to remain the same. I still have 50% legal and visitation..just with therapy added now. PLUS...i know local rules here state i have 10 days inwhich to file a reconsideration after a judgement has been entered in to.

You guys have been great!! Helps me to see it from everyone's perspective. Which in turn helps me to cover all angles and aspects.

 

[BL]

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY THE F*CK THE MEDIATOR RECOMMENDED THERAPY! That's what you're not getting. The mediator said that he feels it would be beneficial to you. That's what the judge is going to read, then ask you "Ms Kirk - have you done anything about attending therapy sessions as Mediator suggested?" You have three choices.

a. "Yes, Your Honor, I have started therapy with XYZ."
b. "Yes, Your Honor. While I have not yet started sessions, I have determined which therapists are covered under my insurance and have an appointment to begin with XYZ on abc date."
c. "No, Your Honor. I don't need therapy, it's all because my ex has ..... blah blah blah."

You want to see your kid more than you do now? GET YOUR BLEEDING A$$ TO A THERAPIST! OR QUIT WHINING ABOUT HOW UNFAIR LIFE IS.

[ Excuses can only go so far ,then they get worn out [/quote]

And yes you ARE argumentative . If you would have put the violations and contempts as exhibits Attached to you courts' Petition , and mentioned them in the Petition , and not ranted and demanded from the Father , but requested nicely of the court to take notice of the Violations , it might have gotten you somewhere .

Next time , If you decide to re-Petition ( don't wait to long , just state you got discouraged ) , do what members here advised you to do , otherwise quit ranting .

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You are stubborn and argumentative, you are the one who is missing the point. Don't you get it everyone else here get's it, three different mediators get it, you son's father get's it. If you don't realize the judge can make a decision when you fail to appear in court, they can. The judge can go with the mediators reccommodation or the judge can look over the whole case, listen to the evidence and testimony of the father and rule. The judge could order to reduce your visitation, custody or even terminate your parental rights, since you are the one in contempt of court and have no respect for the court. Are you paying child support, you never said, if you are not, expect to pay child support.

You left out of the most recent posts that the father thought you had a personality disorder and it appears he's on target. It sounds like the father has gone out of his way to allow you parenting time with your son, and while you whine and complain you do everything possible to to sabotoge that. The father is allowed to move. 23 miles is nothing and most school districts in SF Bay Area have bus transportation or arrangements with local transit for school trippers to accommodate children who require bus transportation. Your 11 yo is old enough to make his way home by foot ot bus on your one day a week so you can pick him up without having to expose the children to your wreckless driving just to make your point.

See your therapist and start working on your problems and start thinking about child's best interest, not being Houchie Momma on adult sites.
On Monday contact the court http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/courts/trial/courtlist.htm re the courts decision, look on the court's website first to see the status of the hearing if it is on the calander. You may at any time request an EC730 evaluation, if you haven't done so already, do it on Monday morning, call the FLF office and ask what form to make the motion on. If the judge entered a default judgement in your absense, you cannot appeal it because you don't like the decision.

 

[L.Lundy]

Jesus H. Christ... what part of ANY of what's been said here don't you understand? Judges and mediators alike agree you need HELP... everyone HERE agrees you need help... ARE YOU SEEING A PATTERN?

*shakes head*

Look, whatever issues you may have with the decision, the fact is that, without complying with the directives, you lose out on your son. Is it REALLY more important for you to bitch and whine than it is to have a relationship with your son?

Gah.

 

[MsTKirk]

UPDATE: When I chose not to go to court yesterday, and I told my husband to just go ahead and go to work...He instead went to the courts and when my case was called, he stood on my behalf and explained to the Judge what was going on with me...I don't know the details of what actually occured, but he said he 'saved my ass'.. I started to cry and asked him if we could talk about it tonight...so he could tell me what happened and the 'now what' of it all. I can't believe how lucky I am!!

Everyone around me knows what the father of my son has done to me and what he continues to do to me and my son, both. They want so much for me to prove it and make it right. Most around me admire my driven determination went I get involved in something..But, it's when people such of yourself see me in a way of 'causing trouble' rather than being passioniatly driven to make sure it never happens again, by standing up for myself. If I do, I then look threatening out-of-control. Basically, a no-win situation for me. I can't be all that bad if ya think about it...I was married for 16 yrs, had an extra-marital affair, divorced and got remarried to another. So I do posses some desirable qualities, obviously. Because the men in my life are not travelin with the circus...they are well-established in life.

It is true, all those that had kept up with my ramblings yesterday, all saw it to be one way.

1. As to have I ever been ordered to pay child support?...NO...the father has never asked for it, from me.
2. I have started the "i don't think I need it" therapy..4 of 12 conquered.

I'm only arguementative, because I need resaoning as to why a situation is the way it is or better yet, to be enlightened as to a better understanding why I was being looked at as being difficult...rather than...perhaps the father brought on her disposition, or he was the cause to the repercussion of her rage..because he too, play a hand in it all.

All he would have had to do is 'follow court orders'..not make endless attempts to seek out terminating my custody/visitation, all the while having us both participate in sports, school events, that made things difficult when I knew in the back of my head he was doing me, and my child wrong all the while I'm trying to support my son in what it is, he was involved in.

Sounds to me the father should have been looked at as having the 'personality conflict disorder'...all I kept demanding was that he stop violating and play fairly.

I never personally attacked him, nor have I ever...I have never sought to take away any custody of his regardless of how much I hate him. In fact, it was I in 1995 who filed to GIVE him a role and part in our son's life..I can even remember the Judge that day using us as an example before the courtrrom stating this is how things should be...if only that Judge could see 'nothing's forever'

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Everything that has been done to you, you have done to yourself!
The father of the child you gave birth to, is trying to co parent with you, that is not taking away form you, that is trying to make sure his child has a mother. You are the one who is fighting everything, it sounds like he has a patience of Job and not a personality disorder. But because you are so egocentric you cannot see beyond yourself. You are soooo self centered you cannot even go to court for a hearing you sought.

I truely feel sorry for every person you interact with.

 

[BL]

perhaps the father brought on her disposition, or he was the cause to the repercussion of her rage..because he too, play a hand in it all.

n

Who is She ?

Sounds to me the father should have been looked at as having the 'personality conflict
disorder'...

I told my husband to just
go ahead and go to work...He instead went to the courts and when my case was called,
he stood on my behalf and explained to the Judge what was going on with me...I don't
know the details of what actually occurred, but he said he 'saved my ass'..

How nice of people around you to " save your ass " . Why don't you now get off you whining crying duff and put some effort into compromising and quit being such a demanding B**** ?

You wasted our time and effort here . Bye Bye .. I will watch out for your son on the road of rages ...

Have I told the one about the Blonde driving down the road seeing the Blonde rowing a boat out in the Field ?

 

[casa]

UPDATE: When I chose not to go to court yesterday, and I told my husband to just go ahead and go to work...He instead went to the courts and when my case was called, he stood on my behalf and explained to the Judge what was going on with me...I don't know the details of what actually occured, but he said he 'saved my ass'.. I started to cry and asked him if we could talk about it tonight...so he could tell me what happened and the 'now what' of it all. I can't believe how lucky I am!!

Everyone around me knows what the father of my son has done to me and what he continues to do to me and my son, both. They want so much for me to prove it and make it right. Most around me admire my driven determination went I get involved in something..But, it's when people such of yourself see me in a way of 'causing trouble' rather than being passioniatly driven to make sure it never happens again, by standing up for myself. If I do, I then look threatening out-of-control. Basically, a no-win situation for me. I can't be all that bad if ya think about it...I was married for 16 yrs, had an extra-marital affair, divorced and got remarried to another. So I do posses some desirable qualities, obviously. Because the men in my life are not travelin with the circus...they are well-established in life.

It is true, all those that had kept up with my ramblings yesterday, all saw it to be one way.

1. As to have I ever been ordered to pay child support?...NO...the father has never asked for it, from me.
2. I have started the "i don't think I need it" therapy..4 of 12 conquered.

I'm only arguementative, because I need resaoning as to why a situation is the way it is or better yet, to be enlightened as to a better understanding why I was being looked at as being difficult...rather than...perhaps the father brought on her disposition, or he was the cause to the repercussion of her rage..because he too, play a hand in it all.

All he would have had to do is 'follow court orders'..not make endless attempts to seek out terminating my custody/visitation, all the while having us both participate in sports, school events, that made things difficult when I knew in the back of my head he was doing me, and my child wrong all the while I'm trying to support my son in what it is, he was involved in.

Sounds to me the father should have been looked at as having the 'personality conflict disorder'...all I kept demanding was that he stop violating and play fairly.

I never personally attacked him, nor have I ever...I have never sought to take away any custody of his regardless of how much I hate him. In fact, it was I in 1995 who filed to GIVE him a role and part in our son's life..I can even remember the Judge that day using us as an example before the courtrrom stating this is how things should be...if only that Judge could see 'nothing's forever'

Please listen to this advice, as it's VERY IMPORTANT:

If you give up or don't jump through the hoops the system has asked of you (Fair or Not- they exist) Your X will WIN.

I know it's hard...My X does these insane things...all legally, all through the court system. Even when I fought for years and eventually got a restraining order- He continues. He WANTS me to give up. You see? He WANTS to make it so difficult I give up. Do you understand? You are playing right into his hands....You are giving him what he wants.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS YOUR CHILD. You know this, You agree with this. So, remove your X from the equation- Just do what is right for your child. That means providing him with a parent who will not give up on him.

People say horrible things about each other in custody cases. They say every bizarre thing they can think of. They lie, they accuse, they try to smear .... It doesn't make it true.

And don't forget this: If you go to therapy, it not only will give you coping skills for getting through this difficult time- it will document what this is doing to you. It documents what it does to the parent/child relationship. Therapy can be a godsend in cases like this. I went, my children went...guess what? It came out what enduring all the bullsh#t was doing to our family.

Don't Quit. You think you are giving up on yourself, but you aren't~ You are giving up on your son. Does he deserve that? Does he deserve to have the only role model in his life a controlling, manipulative person? Think about it!

 

[MsTKirk]

TO: rmet4nzkx & the blonde lesbian


I get it now!!! You two obviously have lost custody of your children and are here to attack others because of your own personal failure issues.

Stating "I wasted your time here by whining, get off my ass and go take care of it" Your suggestions as to how to do that on SATURDAY? Hunt the Judge down and DEMAND he take care of my case today? Isn't this website where you're suppose to come seeking advice from others and my peers, from whom have been through the custody ordeal? I've given you my time by reading your posting and all I've gotten from you two is that you're BITTER and hurting. Wanna come to therapy with me?

Suggestion To You Both:

TRY ZOLOFT or ....CROSS THE STREET IN FRONT OF ME NEXT TIME I'M IN ROUTE TO PICK UP MY SON

 

[L.Lundy]

[QUOTE="MsTKirk]Stating "I wasted your time here by whining, get off my ass and go take care of it" Your suggestions as to how to do that on SATURDAY? Hunt the Judge down and DEMAND he take care of my case today? Isn't this website where you're suppose to come seeking advice from others and my peers, from whom have been through the custody ordeal? I've given you my time by reading your posting and all I've gotten from you two is that you're BITTER and hurting. Wanna come to therapy with me?[/QUOTE]

Where to start...

No one said you had to do it on a Saturday. You might have tried, oh, I don't know, GOING TO COURT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Barring that, obviously the next day the courts are open is a good answer. Then again, that requires logic...

You DID get advice. Repeatedly. Not from bitter people, but from people who can see what the problem is and are trying to tell you, bluntly or otherwise, how to best go about correcting the problem. You don't WANT to know how to correct the problem... you just want to have someone tell you you're right to be psychotic and self-absorbed. The validation room is two doors down on the left.

Nice way to threaten physical violence, btw. Yeah, YOU don't need therapy at all...

Egads...

 

[MsTKirk]

Have ya noticed how many hits the 'child n custody' issue has gotten...hmmm wonder if I played a hand in that? I've really gotten all of your panties in an uproar!!

I see another pattern here: (directed towards the bitter ones & friends)

You throw out demeaning comments that are not helpful, you keep repeating yourselves (could mean small brain capacities) but, then you offer a little advice (all repetative though) and end it with another negative comment.

Just like I have tolerated the Father and his actions....We all engaged in a verbal warfare, with me continously 'thanking you all' whether good or bad, but never taking it offensively or personally UNTIL.....I've had enough and at some point would have expected some type of words of encouragment or co-foruming, but you never attempted to reasoning as to what I might have to say could be viewed as such but, still encourage me at the same time as to see it another way. You are blindsided with hatered for someone.

Let me give myself some encouraging advice (maybe you could all follow my rule of thumb):

Good for me, I've completed 4 of the 12 therapy sessions, as much as I may deny I need it, I'm still doing it and look at it as only 8 more to go. WoooHooo!

Maybe therapy will enable me on how to deal with a co-parent and his difficult ways at sharing the child with me. Perhaps I can learn some techniques to utilize on him in getting him to correct his co-parenting deficeincies without him even knowing it, at the same time learning to deal with remaining cool and never lettin them see ya sweat. Regardless of it all, the love my son and I have for one another is permanent and I should never feel threatened by the father or his actions in attempt to sabatoges that love, it'll never happen. Now, only to get the father to correct his ways, may take a while but work at making it happen quickly for my son's sake!!
Regarding the missing of the hearing: chit happens and it's understandable, things can become overwhelming but most importantly save yourself from what did happen, you're not supermom and emotions are healthy, just sucks it happen to get the best of me right at the most crucial time of my life. keep thinking I will someday prevail and I will. Never let OTHERS negativity get the best of me and you will for sure lose. Remove myself from situations or people who are negative, that is the last thing I need to be around!!

Another session of therapy done for ME! Provided and Given to MYSELF!

You all have my pity for the way you treat others, but I do see some good in you...work at bettering yourselves!

 

[L.Lundy]

I. Have. Not. The. Words.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

TO: rmet4nzkx & the blonde lesbian

I get it now!!! You two obviously have lost custody of your children and are here to attack others because of your own personal failure issues.

Stating "I wasted your time here by whining, get off my ass and go take care of it" Your suggestions as to how to do that on SATURDAY? Hunt the Judge down and DEMAND he take care of my case today? Isn't this website where you're suppose to come seeking advice from others and my peers, from whom have been through the custody ordeal? I've given you my time by reading your posting and all I've gotten from you two is that you're BITTER and hurting. Wanna come to therapy with me?

Suggestion To You Both:

TRY ZOLOFT or ....CROSS THE STREET IN FRONT OF ME NEXT TIME I'M IN ROUTE TO PICK UP MY SON

First of all I have never lost custody of my children, nor even been in the place of having to go to court to decide custody so quit assuming and making wild accusations.

Second, You need to apologise to Blonde Lebinese, HE IS NOT A LESBIAN his family comes from the country just north of Isreal called Lebanon. Pleople from Lebanon are called Lebinese.

NO one ever told you to DEMAND anything of the judge, that is something you have latched on to because that is how you think it works because you are self absorbed and egocentric. You are perseverating on your selfish desires to the exclusion of all input from members of this board, some of whom, like myself are professionals dealing with such issues. You had your opportunity to make you pleadings before the judge yesterday and you didn't bother to follow the courts orders and disrespected the judge by failing to appear for a hearing you requested. I have already given you advice about what your options are in court and how you can check on the status. You need more than 12 sessions of therapy and I would suggest at least 1 year of anger management in addition to parenting classess and therapy TFN. The Judge is not going to give in to your demands no matter how many tantrums you throw. I strongly suggest you petition the court for an EC 730 evaluation if you have not had one. I suggest you call and leave a message for your therapist.

This is not a Rant/Vent/support group. You have been given advice which you chose to ignore, just like you chose not to appear at court. Your personality disorder is showing and if you are on medication, it isn't working. I have spent a lot of time responding to you because you are obviously troubled, perhaps even a danger to others. Call 911 if and or when you realize that you are out of control before you hurt someone.

Lastly, When you join this site, you agree to terms of service, a part of which is to behave in a civilized manner here. While that may be a foreign concept to you, or your ignorance may disallow your understanding, that means you don't call people names, defame their character or threaten to kill them.
"TRY ZOLOFT or ....CROSS THE STREET IN FRONT OF ME NEXT TIME I'M IN ROUTE TO PICK UP MY SON" Since I live in the SF Bay Area, I am taking your threat personally and I will take appropriate action.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Have ya noticed how many hits the 'child n custody' issue has gotten...hmmm wonder if I played a hand in that? I've really gotten all of your panties in an uproar!!

I see another pattern here: (directed towards the bitter ones & friends)

You throw out demeaning comments that are not helpful, you keep repeating yourselves (could mean small brain capacities) but, then you offer a little advice (all repetative though) and end it with another negative comment.

Just like I have tolerated the Father and his actions....We all engaged in a verbal warfare, with me continously 'thanking you all' whether good or bad, but never taking it offensively or personally UNTIL.....I've had enough and at some point would have expected some type of words of encouragment or co-foruming, but you never attempted to reasoning as to what I might have to say could be viewed as such but, still encourage me at the same time as to see it another way. You are blindsided with hatered for someone.

Let me give myself some encouraging advice (maybe you could all follow my rule of thumb):

Good for me, I've completed 4 of the 12 therapy sessions, as much as I may deny I need it, I'm still doing it and look at it as only 8 more to go. WoooHooo!

Maybe therapy will enable me on how to deal with a co-parent and his difficult ways at sharing the child with me. Perhaps I can learn some techniques to utilize on him in getting him to correct his co-parenting deficeincies without him even knowing it, at the same time learning to deal with remaining cool and never lettin them see ya sweat. Regardless of it all, the love my son and I have for one another is permanent and I should never feel threatened by the father or his actions in attempt to sabatoges that love, it'll never happen. Now, only to get the father to correct his ways, may take a while but work at making it happen quickly for my son's sake!!
Regarding the missing of the hearing: chit happens and it's understandable, things can become overwhelming but most importantly save yourself from what did happen, you're not supermom and emotions are healthy, just sucks it happen to get the best of me right at the most crucial time of my life. keep thinking I will someday prevail and I will. Never let OTHERS negativity get the best of me and you will for sure lose. Remove myself from situations or people who are negative, that is the last thing I need to be around!!

Another session of therapy done for ME! Provided and Given to MYSELF!

You all have my pity for the way you treat others, but I do see some good in you...work at bettering yourselves!

You don't get it at all

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I. Have. Not. The. Words.

Sad so very, very, very, sad.