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ranch_head
Junior Member
If the children are routinely left unsupervised, simply contact your local peace officer at a time when the children have been left alone and let the system start working in your favor, if that is what is best for the children.
ok enough is enough. We have all given you very good advice. Follow it, don't follow it, it's your choice!
I think the underlying problem here is a control issue. Mom has it and you don't. Whether you admit it or not.
All of us have been where you are at one time or another. We have told you what you should do to help your fiance. But all you want to do it bitch about mom.
Like another poster said we can't give you a magic word or spell to give your fiance custody of HIS children.
I am done with this thread I have patiently and consistently given out advice that was given to me. Other posters here have also given you excellent advice.
Excuse us for not realizing sooner that you only wanted people to bolster what you were saying. We thought you actually wanted some help.
We try to give out sound advice because you have to realize that we are only getting one side of the story here. We don't know the other side and therefore are not going to engage in bashing the children's mother since we don't know her.
btw I am not a college graduate either but that doesn't make me any less intelligent than you, Crystal. I can list my grades and awards that I got in college but thats pointless. It's not what's on paper that makes you smart, it's how you live life and treat others that makes you smart. IMHO!
Good luck to your fiance and his children.
I am done here.
I think the underlying problem here is a control issue. Mom has it and you don't. Whether you admit it or not.
All of us have been where you are at one time or another. We have told you what you should do to help your fiance. But all you want to do it bitch about mom.
Like another poster said we can't give you a magic word or spell to give your fiance custody of HIS children.
I am done with this thread I have patiently and consistently given out advice that was given to me. Other posters here have also given you excellent advice.
Excuse us for not realizing sooner that you only wanted people to bolster what you were saying. We thought you actually wanted some help.
We try to give out sound advice because you have to realize that we are only getting one side of the story here. We don't know the other side and therefore are not going to engage in bashing the children's mother since we don't know her.
btw I am not a college graduate either but that doesn't make me any less intelligent than you, Crystal. I can list my grades and awards that I got in college but thats pointless. It's not what's on paper that makes you smart, it's how you live life and treat others that makes you smart. IMHO!
Good luck to your fiance and his children.
I am done here.
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StressedOutInPA
Guest
I thought you said she hasn't bought clothes in two years? Wether from K-Mart, Wal-Mart or where ever she must have gotten them clothes. Just because they aren't the clothes you would have chosen means NOTHING. I also buy my children clothes at Wal-Mart or K-Mart. For one thing they all wear the same and as fast as kids grow it is stupid to buy $50. dollar jeans when you can get the same thing for $14. Then you have money left over for toys or to save for a trip, to say an amusement park that the kids would really enjoy. If money isn't a concern then simply pay it. If things are as you say the children will in time chose to be with you. All you need to do is wait it out and try to be a good parent (step-parent) in the meantime.
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StressedOutInPA
Guest
Mamma, you are so funny!
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StressedOutInPA
Guest
One more thing, wether you have 50/50 joint custody, the parent with the greater income must by law pay support to even out the incomes so that the child benefits equally in both environments. I have seen parents in my state (PA) that have full custody and the other with visitation but still pay the other support. It's stupid but that's just how it works.
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crystalkat80
Guest
AND IT HAS BEEN ALONG TIME SINCE THEIR MOTHER HAS BOUGHT THEM ANYTHING, THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT DO ANYTHING FOR THESE GIRLS ARE MYSELF MY FINACE, HIS SISTER AND HIS MOTHER.....I THINK IT MAKES NO SENSE FOR HER TO SEND THEM TO SCHOOL IN CAPRIS AND SANDELS WHEN IT IS 45 DEGREES OUTSIDE.....GOD FORBID WE SEND THEM BACK IN THE THINGS WE GET THEM, COATS, GOOD SHOES WE NEVER SEE AGAIN SHE REALLYEEDS TO GET OFF HER BUTT AND WORK....CAUSE WHEN SHE WAS WORKING SHE MADE MORE MONEY THAN HE MAKES. hE DOESN'T HAVE A GREAT JOB I MEAN I WISH HE WAS MAKING 100 GRAND A YEAR TO SUPPORT THE WORLD BUT ISN'T THERE A WAY TO MAKE SURE THE MONEY GOES TOWARDS THE KIDS AND NOT HER......IT ISN'T FOR HER TO GO GET HER HAIR DONE.....
Ok, let me try this once more.
1. If she got something done in court, like getting him supervised visitation, without him knowing, she either lied or she didn't know where he was at the time. If she lied, you should be able to get a lawyer and refute that. (People who know she knew his whereabouts, any correspondence between them, phone records, etc.)
2. In the meantime, he should take every one of those supervised visits he can. Makes the court believe he's interested.
3.Document each and everytime she leaves the children with him. I don't believe she's breaking the law by doing this but if she's got him on supervised visitation, and then turns around and leaves the kids with him, that just shows she doesn't really believe he needs supervision. (In other words, it shows shes being vindictive)Make sure people see him with the children so you can have witnesses.
3. Document everything. If she sends them in clothes too small, take pictures of the kids in the clothes. Clothes inappropriate for the weather, make sure you have a camera that will record the date. If you can find out when the kids are left unsupervised, call the cops, call DFC, get it documented legally.
4. If the kids are in trouble at school, academically or behaviorally, get statements from teachers, principal, etc. Get copies of grades, report cards, write ups, everything.
5. MAKE SURE HE'S ABSOLUTELY CAUGHT UP ON THE CHILD SUPPORT!!!!
6. Find any and all witnesses that will testify that she is not putting the kids first. Make sure they are credible. No court is going to take the word of someone unreliable.
7. Check your state laws and record all phone conversations. It really would be better if these conversations were between her and your fiance, not her and you. Maybe if he understood that he could try again with her, after all, it is his kids at stake? Make SURE you do not provoke her in any way. Be nice even if it hurts. Let her be the one to look like an ass on tape. You may have to tell her your recording her. She may modify her behavior because of this, but even if she says something on tape and then doesn't do it, you've got her anyway. Lying is not a good charater assessment.
8. Have some sort of plan set up to show a judge in court. Be able to prove you can care for the children, that you can provide them with a home, stability, good childcare, etc... Show them your ready.
9. Get a lawyer. This is a MUST!
10. And finally, I say to you what everyone else has been trying to tell you. You gotta let go of the rage. You can be mad all you want to about the situation, but if you go into court and rant like you have on this board, no matter how true it may all be, the judge is going to listen for about two minutes and then decide you are a biased, vindictive girlfriend and quit listening. That may not be true, but that is what it will sound like and since the judge doesn't know you, he will go on what he hears from you. ALSO, you were right when you said that it would matter if you were a horrible person, because if you show this attitude they will believe that you will not foster the mother-child relationship, which is a MUST for a custodial parent. Custody has been changed for one parent bad mouthing and promoting bad feelings about the other. Its called Parental Alienation, and you don't want that tag.
So calm down, and get your ducks in a row. If you do what you need to, and be calm, if everything you said is true, you have a good chance of winning.
1. If she got something done in court, like getting him supervised visitation, without him knowing, she either lied or she didn't know where he was at the time. If she lied, you should be able to get a lawyer and refute that. (People who know she knew his whereabouts, any correspondence between them, phone records, etc.)
2. In the meantime, he should take every one of those supervised visits he can. Makes the court believe he's interested.
3.Document each and everytime she leaves the children with him. I don't believe she's breaking the law by doing this but if she's got him on supervised visitation, and then turns around and leaves the kids with him, that just shows she doesn't really believe he needs supervision. (In other words, it shows shes being vindictive)Make sure people see him with the children so you can have witnesses.
3. Document everything. If she sends them in clothes too small, take pictures of the kids in the clothes. Clothes inappropriate for the weather, make sure you have a camera that will record the date. If you can find out when the kids are left unsupervised, call the cops, call DFC, get it documented legally.
4. If the kids are in trouble at school, academically or behaviorally, get statements from teachers, principal, etc. Get copies of grades, report cards, write ups, everything.
5. MAKE SURE HE'S ABSOLUTELY CAUGHT UP ON THE CHILD SUPPORT!!!!
6. Find any and all witnesses that will testify that she is not putting the kids first. Make sure they are credible. No court is going to take the word of someone unreliable.
7. Check your state laws and record all phone conversations. It really would be better if these conversations were between her and your fiance, not her and you. Maybe if he understood that he could try again with her, after all, it is his kids at stake? Make SURE you do not provoke her in any way. Be nice even if it hurts. Let her be the one to look like an ass on tape. You may have to tell her your recording her. She may modify her behavior because of this, but even if she says something on tape and then doesn't do it, you've got her anyway. Lying is not a good charater assessment.
8. Have some sort of plan set up to show a judge in court. Be able to prove you can care for the children, that you can provide them with a home, stability, good childcare, etc... Show them your ready.
9. Get a lawyer. This is a MUST!
10. And finally, I say to you what everyone else has been trying to tell you. You gotta let go of the rage. You can be mad all you want to about the situation, but if you go into court and rant like you have on this board, no matter how true it may all be, the judge is going to listen for about two minutes and then decide you are a biased, vindictive girlfriend and quit listening. That may not be true, but that is what it will sound like and since the judge doesn't know you, he will go on what he hears from you. ALSO, you were right when you said that it would matter if you were a horrible person, because if you show this attitude they will believe that you will not foster the mother-child relationship, which is a MUST for a custodial parent. Custody has been changed for one parent bad mouthing and promoting bad feelings about the other. Its called Parental Alienation, and you don't want that tag.
So calm down, and get your ducks in a row. If you do what you need to, and be calm, if everything you said is true, you have a good chance of winning.
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StressedOutInPA
Guest
As much as it sucks no. She spends the money how she sees fit. As far as what they wear to school in bad weather the girl's teachers should call the proper authorities. If they haven't it may be because what you are stating is incorrect. If what you say is true then you need to call the school and let them know that if it happens again that they are to call the AUTHORITIES right immediately, no ifs, ands or buts about it. If the school calls, Childrens Services will be more inclined to believe them rather than someone who has a motive for turning her in. Like I said you need to sit back and wait (keeping a journal wouldn't be a bad idea as well as photos (with a date stamped on them and a video camera if possible). You could also take the children to a counselor. A counselor can talk to children (even if there is no abuse) and detect signs of neglect (your county should offer free counseling if your fiance's income falls within requirements). The counselor, by law, must report it if any of these things are present. If she is as bad as you say, well it's just a matter of time before she screws up. Sit back and wait it out.
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crystalkat80
Guest
I DON'T WANT EVERYONE TO THINK THIS IS HOW I PRESENT MY SELF IN PUBLIC, I FEEL THIS IS A PLACE WERE HOW I TRUELLY FEEL AND THE ANGER ON WHAT PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH THAT ICOULD VENT/SHARE WHAT IS GOING ON . AND TO GET IDEAS FROM OTHER PEOPLE , I PROJECT MYSELF VERY PROFESSIONALLY OUTSIDE OF THIS FOREUM, WERE EVERYONE HAS DECIDED I AM A B, WHICH I AM NOT.......I JUST DON'T TAKE **** FROM PEOPLE. I CARE ABOUT THOSE GIRLS AND I THINK IT IS UNFARE THAT THEY HAVE LIFE HANDED TO THEM THE WAY THEY DO, THEY DON'T HAVE A CHOICE RIGHT NOW AND COLORADO IS A STATE WERE THE KIDS SAY HAS A BIG INPUT ON WHERE THEY GO. I DO TALK CIVIALLY TO THEIR MOTHER AND THERE IS AN UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN US EVEN THOUGH IN ONE WEEK SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT ME WATCHING HER GIRLS AND SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME BUT WHEN THINGS CAME DOWN TO IT ON FRIDAY AND MY MAN HAD TO WORK LATE WHO DID SHE CALL.....ME AND I TOOK THEM THAT NIGHT AND SHE WAS SO THANKFUL SO EVERYTHING IS ON HER MOOD IF SHE LIKES ME OR NOT. BUT I KNOW IF I HAD SUCH A PROBLEM WITH THE OTHER PERSON IN MY CHILDS LIFE I WOULDN'T GO DROPPING THEM OFF WITH HER...DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND THIS......IF I AM SO BAD THEN WOULDN'T STAYING IN ON A FRIDAY NIGHT BE WORTH NOT HAVING YOUR CHILDREN WITH ME. SO I AM NOT A BAD PERSON AND NOT OUT TO GET PEOPLE FOR NO REASON I AM ON MY MANS CASE ALL THE TIME TO TALK TO HER TO CALL HER AND LET HER KNOW WHATS GOING ON....BUT I END UP DOING IT CAUSE I KNOW WHAT SHE DOES TO HIM....SO TRUELLY SHE WANTS TO BITCH ABOUT ME BECUASE HER CHILDREN LIKE ME MORE THAN HER AND I AM NOT JUST A FRIEND TO THEM I HAVE TO DISAPLINE THEM AND IT TOOK US A COUPLE YEARS TO GET A BOND WERE THEY DO RESPECT ME AND LOVE ME...
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StressedOutInPA
Guest
unfair.........
I don't think you're a B, I just think you've let your anger get the better of you and its counter-productive. How you present yourself anywhere is how people judge you, even in this forum. Ranting is fine, but you have to be able to take the constructive criticism too. We're all trying to help you and getting frustrated that you seem to be taking it personally when we point out a mistake you might be making and flying off on a tangent about it. If someone shows you something you're doing wrong, its because it will matter to the end result, not because they are trying to put you down.
I think you've gotten many good suggestions and much good advise here. I am wondering if all this advise is in vain because I haven't yet heard you say you were going to try and do something besides complain about this situation. Are you and your fiance going to talk to a lawyer?
I think you've gotten many good suggestions and much good advise here. I am wondering if all this advise is in vain because I haven't yet heard you say you were going to try and do something besides complain about this situation. Are you and your fiance going to talk to a lawyer?
okay, so you think she is a bad mom because she doesn't spend her money on Tommy Hilfiger clothing???? Oh, good grief come one, you are teaching these children to be vein if this is your idea of being a good mom! What in the world is wrong with Kmart?? They have the same styles as Dillards, Gap etc. but for 75% the cost. I can't even believe you are using this as an argument. I feel really bad for the children involved.crystalkat80 said:i have tryed to get along with the ex, but she keeps screwing everybody over.....and when the girls are with us they wear good clothes such as hum tommy , and gasoline and they wear clothes with us that cost as much as my clothes, this is because i think kids should look better than yourself , they are a impression of who you are. There mother last clothes she bought them were some ugly kmart clothes......she doesn't spend any money on these girls.....i love how you think i am out to get her, i am not i just want her to to her part
I am curious as to how long you have lived in Colorado? Did you ever say how old these girls are?crystalkat80 said:I THINK IT IS UNFARE THAT THEY HAVE LIFE HANDED TO THEM THE WAY THEY DO, THEY DON'T HAVE A CHOICE RIGHT NOW AND COLORADO IS A STATE WERE THE KIDS SAY HAS A BIG INPUT ON WHERE THEY GO.
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StressedOutInPA
Guest
I think the only thing this mother may have done wrong is trust you with her girls. With your attitude, I would be worried about what you are saying to or in front of these kids. I know, I know before you even say it. You would NEVER speak ill of their mother in front of them. With all I am seeing, that is probably all they hear out of your mouth. The others are right. This is a place to recieve advice but I haven't seen anywhere that you have said you'll take it. Is it because no matter what you do you will never catch her being a bad mother because she isn't? You are just like my ex's fiance. In it for the money and I also think you don't want to deal with the ex so you have it in your head "well, I can be the new Mom and we will never deal with her again". Sorry to say but you have her for the next thirteen or so years because she will always be their MOTHER, not you. After going through it myself all I can say is, you make me sick. Do you even hear how petty you are?
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