wileybunch
Senior Member
Thanks, proud_parent, humusluvr, and mommyof4.
He's had this counselor throughout the years as he's dealt with alienation issues with his ex. Ex had blocked visits for children (even though this counselor has been specifically named now twice in COs), but DH was able to go throughout the years and counselor is very familiar w/Mom's tactics. Still, DH has to make sure with Mom's latest round of interpretations where counselor is at with things. His DS has been to counselor once together with an older sister (who was there apparently b/c she carries the insurance for counseling) and Mom said counselor said DS doesn't need counseling. I mentioned this to counselor and he said he did not say that. Mom lies a lot, she really does, but DH still needs to keep in close touch w/counselor. The counselor has been very good over the years. We have an appt this evening for twin stuff so he'll probably use some time to go over a few things w/counselor re: this situation. We think she thinks she has the counselor in her back pocket, but we think the counselor is trying to keep the focus of each parent's relationship with their child between them and the child as it should be and Mom takes that to mean DD will get whatever her wishes are. B/c counselor isn't going to be hard-nosed like a judge, it seems like Mom has also taken this to mean she does nothing wrong.First, I would advise your husband to do everything he can to establish a rapport with the counselor. I have seen a former CP try this tactic of alienation using a therapist as a (perhaps unwitting) pawn. While it did not work out for CP as she had hoped (the judge made it absolutely clear that the counselor had NO authority to excuse the CP from the Court's order), the child did not benefit at all from sessions with the therapist, as they did not focus on the child's emotional health but rather on the skewed view of the child's health as painted (unilaterally) by CP.
School is out next Weds which is when the summer schedule should kick in that Mom's already saying she won't allow and had DD fill out the summer schedule the same as it is during the year -- 1st/3rd weekends, weeknight dinner date. And, at that Mom's already complaining that DH has "so many weekends" coming up but that's because he had to work around dates Mom said DD is unavailable. So I don't know what weekend he would swap for at this point. They are also under a "honk and seatbelt" rule. His ex had caused problems during exchanges and had come over to our home when DH was alone (kids weren't there) and pushed her way into our home some years ago and he sought a restraining order and then agreed to do a mutual civil restraining order ie. honk and seatbelt rule so there's no contact during drop off/pick up (which is very nice). That's why she referred to not sitting outside honking horn on Sat. We also already gave DD birthday present around the time of her 4/30 b'day . She already celebrated b'day with us and with her Mom's family back in April. This is a sleepover b'day party w/friends so not something he could just walk into.This bit concerns me, because Mom has set a trap for Dad. While I do not advocate him rolling over in the face of Mom's manipulation, Dad needs to handle the situation delicately because of the possible embarrassment and upset to DD. It won't serve her best interests for there to be a scene.
If I were in your DH's shoes, I'd think seriously about switching the weekend of the birthday party. I would propose one or two alternate dates and not leave it up to CP (and ABSOLUTELY not up to daughter) to suggest them. I would state that it is inappropriate to involve a child in any discussion of visitation or custody, and that he will therefore deal only with CP on this matter. I would conclude by requesting a response no later than 'X' day and time, else he will be exercising his parenting time as ordered.
If CP forces the big showdown, Dad should play it as low key as possible: i.e., show up dressed casually, with present in hand, as if he were invited to the party. Announce to CP (quietly, cheerfully, and if possible away from onlookers) that he is there to pick up kiddo for scheduled parenting time. If CP refuses, hand her kiddo's present and walk away silently...and then file petition for contempt first thing Monday. Let the partygoers wonder why kiddo's Mom would turn her own Dad away from her 13th birthday party.